To confront my 20 year old daughter's bullies?

[Atreus]

Long story short, my 2nd year Uni student DD1 (20) moves out of her student house at the end of term tomorrow. I'm going to help her move her stuff. It's a house of 9 people and 4 of them (2 couples) have made her life completely miserable this last year, so much so that we've really worried for her mental health even though she is normally very resilient.

Too many instances of bullying to recount but includes calling house meetings to tell her how much they didn't like her, throwing her washing on the floor, leaving her locked out of the house when she forgot her keys etc etc. She has just tried to keep things polite and interact only when necessary, but they haven't let up and actively seek her out to be mean. Even this evening (her last night in the house) one of the boys knocked on her bedroom door at 11pm and when she answered, came into her room, told her he didn't like her and then ran away laughing. She's called me shaking and in tears.

I've bitten my tongue so far when I've seen them as DD1asked me not to say anything as she thought it could make things even worse. But after tomorrow she won't have to interact with them again. If I see them tomorrow AIBU to calmly tell them that their bullying behaviour has been toxic, caused extreme distress, is not OK and that in years to come they will look back and feel ashamed at how they've behaved?

Hmmm… I’d tread lightly on this one. It’s unlikely you are getting the full story here. When living arrangements go bad it’s usually due to escalating bad behavior on all sides.

Rubbish - my 22 year old son was badly bullied in private accommodation by two men in their thirties - the world is full of nasty people - I would report to University OP

The only way to effectively deal with dick heads is BFT. We had to apply some on Friday, worked a treat

@Thatsjustwhatithink

Hmm. Your DD (or how you've heard it) has created a great story: she's done nothing wrong, other people support her, evil protagonists "the couples"... all without us ever knowing the source of discontent. Odd that the focus is so on the two couples. Did someone fancy someone else?

Apparently it foesn't matter about why the house meeting were called or what they pointed out, no mind about the keys, washing etc.

Truthfully OP, I'm also very lucky to have a mum that would support me to the very end (like how it sounds you are for your DD). But the best thing my mum ever did was try to get me to look at things from the perspective of others and see if my behaviour had something to be desired.

You are not looking at this from a different perspective. You are deliberately taking OPs words out of context and twisting it so she doubts her DD. OP is not engaging with you anymore, what exactly are you getting out of this?

@SinisterBumFacedCat

I agree with you. That particular poster seems to have an axe to grind on this thread, she’s so anxious to make the OP doubt her DD.

Why iz everyone talking about reve ge pranks? Dont you get that the housemates are moving out too.

What were the complaints levelled by tbe couples at your dd? I think that is pretty central to the matter?

This is why i refused to house share after uni...horrid people. Your poor dd.

@SinisterBumFacedCat

The whole point of posting on a discussion page is to get different view points. I can see that you don't like mine, but I don't have agree with you and you don't have to agree with me. But it doesn't mean you're right and when you don't get your viewpoint validated you close down the discussion. Yes, I'm challenging the OP because I think she wasn't taking onboard that DD had fallen out with her mates that she had chosen to move in with and apparently not interested in the why or that's it's possible there was more to it.

Whilst it'd be great if no-one ever challenged what we thought or asked questioned about our view of events it would make pretty shit discussion boards.

I hope we see - thisusjustwhatithink all over every* thread playing "devil's advocate". Ridiculous posts.

As for "why didn't the flatmates stick up for her - I'm guessing they didn't want to be the next target?

@Brefugee

I'm flattered you've taken the time to creep on me on the Mumsnet forums, didn't know your found my opinions being so worthy of being sought out.

Now all of Mumsnet will know that I have supported SEN/disabled kids being allowed some independence from their parents at school to gain independent skills and that I asked a women who was being seriously stalked to go to the police. In addition (this is probably the worst) I supported a 20 year old man to be allowed to get a nose ring when his mummy didn't want him to. Outrageous.

In all seriousness though, I'm allowed different opinions to you. Trying the "she's doing this on purpose" trying to just paint me as a bad women rather just accept that we don't agree is a wee bit childish.

I would def contact the uni. Totally unacceptable behaviour. If they are old enough for uni then they arr young adults not children and should know better!

@Thatsjustwhatithink I'm right behind you. I feel sorrowful that people aren't allowed to express a different opinion in a calm and thoughtful way without having "bully!" and "troll!" chucked around.

[quote 00feckingbollocks]@Thatsjustwhatithink I'm right behind you. I feel sorrowful that people aren't allowed to express a different opinion in a calm and thoughtful way without having "bully!" and "troll!" chucked around. [/quote]
Hear hear

@00feckingbollocks @AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

No . Leave frozen prawns under their carpet.