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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be massively offended by this?

186 replies

jonesome · 26/06/2021 01:21

Family holiday with my partner and our kids for the first time (live in the US so can travel to another state for trips).

He has 3 kids, I have 2. We have separate hotel rooms on the same hotel complex.

Completely unexpectedly we got 3 hours without the any of kids yesterday after the stars aligned.

Told him to text me as soon as he got his kids settled at their activity.

Obviously quite excited for some alone time.

Almost three hours later I'd heard nothing from him. Then 10 mins before the kids were all returning, he text to ask where I fancied meeting with the kids for dinner later.

When I asked what he'd been up to he said he'd had a lovely 3 hours. Hot tub, went for a nice walk, read his book.

We went on to have a perfectly lovely evening together with the kids but no mention of the fact he just disappeared during our 'free' time and didn't contact me.

Am I being unreasonable to be super offended? Can't decide whether it's worth saying something to him or if I'm being high maintenance.

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 26/06/2021 01:29

What an IDIOT he is... he could have pulled 🤣

WhoEatsPopTarts · 26/06/2021 01:29

I’d be offended and disappointed, but my dh might do what your partner did and assume that’s what I’d be doing too. He just doesn’t have the same communication style. I’d say something, but not in an accusatory way probably just explain what you were feeling.

spotcheck · 26/06/2021 01:39

Are you sure he saw it?

Returnoftheowl · 26/06/2021 01:40

Ouch! I'd be upset.

Original poster
jonesome · 26/06/2021 01:46

@spotcheck

Are you sure he saw it?
I asked him in person before we went off and got the kids settled. I said 'great, I just need to get the kids off to xyz place. Text me when your kids are sorted and i'll be around!'
OP posts:
Bumzoo · 26/06/2021 01:47

I'd think he wasn't that in to me. Have you been doing long?

Bumzoo · 26/06/2021 01:48

Dating. Not doingGrin

butterpuffed · 26/06/2021 01:48

Why are you massively offended? He probably hadn't read the text so had no idea what you planned !

Original poster
jonesome · 26/06/2021 01:51

@Bumzoo

I'd think he wasn't that in to me. Have you been doing long?
Exactly! We've been dating just under a year and definitely no indication in that time that he was disinterested. I'm honestly wondering if he saw me in swimwear and was repulsed or something!
OP posts:
Anythingelseintheboxpandora · 26/06/2021 01:53

Did it actually occur to him that you’d be alone together? My husband is lovely but is also a complete idiot who often needs things spelled out to him (I no longer bother - his loss!). All he seems to think about is when he can listen to his next podcast.

Original poster
jonesome · 26/06/2021 02:00

@Anythingelseintheboxpandora

Did it actually occur to him that you’d be alone together? My husband is lovely but is also a complete idiot who often needs things spelled out to him (I no longer bother - his loss!). All he seems to think about is when he can listen to his next podcast.
Well this is my other theory! I hope it's this and not that he couldn't think of anything worse than having 3 hours alone with me.
OP posts:
Original poster
jonesome · 26/06/2021 02:01

@butterpuffed

Why are you massively offended? He probably hadn't read the text so had no idea what you planned !
It wasn't a text. I told him in person and asked him to text me when he was free!
OP posts:
me4real · 26/06/2021 02:25

Maybe he was knackered and just needed some downtime. He could've said that and said it wasn't personal or anything though.

TenShortStories · 26/06/2021 02:28

I'd feel the same as you. However I think the right thing to do is not waste time feeling offended until you've had a chat with him and worked out what happened. Tell him you were disappointed he didn't come over and are also a bit confused because you thought you'd agreed he would - was a there a communication mishap or crossed wires somewhere? If you still end up with a sense that he's not that into you then have a think about what you want to do

Stichintime · 26/06/2021 02:32

I hope you didn't waste 3 hours waiting for himGrin

LittleRa · 26/06/2021 02:38

I think you need to ask him so that you can ascertain whether it was a case of crossed wires (I.e. he didn’t realise that the idea was to meet up, presumably for sex, while the kids were occupied) or a case of him actually knowing the plan but deciding against it.
Hopefully it’ll be:
“Bob, didn’t you realise earlier… the kids were all occupied, and we could’ve had some ahem alone time, wink wink?”
“What? Oh my god, I didn’t realise, I thought you meant text you once the kids were finished their activity so we could all meet up!!”
Etc

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 26/06/2021 02:52

Do the same thing if you get a chance on the holiday again

Birminghambloke · 26/06/2021 03:30

Maybe he just craved some time alone? It sounds like he did all the things he enjoys. If you weren’t explicit enough, he’s clearly not realised your intention. Or did realise but made his choice!

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/06/2021 03:31

I like time alone. The polite thing is to let the other person know so they can plan their time alone. Not wait for you.

I'd be annoyed too.

HoppingPavlova · 26/06/2021 03:39

I said 'great, I just need to get the kids off to xyz place. Text me when your kids are sorted and i'll be around!'

And there’s your problem. No man I know would be able to interprete that. You needed to say ‘text me when your kids are dropped off so we can meet and have some time together alone’. If you had of said that I’m sure he would have gladly done it. That’s what men need, implicit instruction, this is nothing new or specific to your DH.

Frannibananni · 26/06/2021 03:48

He’s not that into you, it’s just easier parent with another ( are your kids the same age)

NiceGerbil · 26/06/2021 03:51

You're on holiday is that right?

Who had the kids?

Tbh I think I'd need some downtime if I was on hols with 5 children. Some people just need that.

pictish · 26/06/2021 03:56

@HoppingPavlova

I said 'great, I just need to get the kids off to xyz place. Text me when your kids are sorted and i'll be around!'

And there’s your problem. No man I know would be able to interprete that. You needed to say ‘text me when your kids are dropped off so we can meet and have some time together alone’. If you had of said that I’m sure he would have gladly done it. That’s what men need, implicit instruction, this is nothing new or specific to your DH.

No they don’t. That men need special explicit instructions is nonsense.
TreeSmuggler · 26/06/2021 03:58

Tough one, I'd also feel like some alone time if I was on holiday with five kids. But I'd be upfront about it, and not tried to trick dp/hide from them. If he had done that you could have also enjoyed your time off more instead of waiting for him. He's also put you in a position where if you complain it's like his decision is justified, when I'm sure you would have been completely happy and left him to it if he'd just said something.

RickiTarr · 26/06/2021 04:08

Is he generally slow on the uptake? Hormone deficient? Secret bad back?