To ask people to pay for their children at our wedding

[LoubyLouLou22]

We’re looking into our options for a wedding celebration and most of our friends have children. I have no issue with having children at the wedding but am struggling with the budget and it would save us a significant amount if we didn’t invite children.

Some guests are local and others are spread around the country so I don’t feel like a blanket “no children” would work as it may be difficult for the guests travelling a distance to sort childcare for the weekend.

Would I be unreasonable to put something similar to the following in our invitations?

“whilst we’d love to be able to invite your kids we can’t stretch our budget that far as it would double the numbers, therefore the invite is for you and your partner and you’re welcome to bring your kids at a cost of £x per head”

You could always just elope!

@Montii

Honestly as a parent it would not bother me at all getting an invite like this. I would totally understand that people have budget restrictions and would appreciate being given the choice.

Seems that most people here don’t like it though.

I feel like this.

When our oldest was 9 months old we were invited including ds. I offered to pay as felt guilty for the cost of baby. Bride said no he was their guest. It was lovely but I wouldn't have been offended if they had asked.

I recall children costing a lot less than adults so although it adds to your numbers it doesn’t significantly add to your cost. I’d check with the guests as during mine I assumed my friends were coming with their children and most couldn’t wait to break free and have a child free outing so pay attention to the rsvp.

@DifficultBloodyWoman

Hell no for all the reasons everyone else has already mentioned.

What about a compromise? Set up a kids area with games, cartoons, pizzas etc and hire an adult to supervise. That way children are guests for the ceremony and entertained for the reception. The total cost would be less than each child having their own seat at a sit down reception. Of course, this only works if the children are in a suitable age bracket. I think most parents would appreciate some adult time knowing that the kids were being looked after nearby.

I went to a wedding like this. Children taken off for a kids party (party food boxes, party games, entertainer) whilst the adults got absolutely shitfaced had the wedding breakfast and speeches. Meal was brilliant as no wrangling small people. You could enjoy the speeches as children were not getting bored and restless.

Children came back in time for the evening do.

It was, without doubt, the best wedding I have ever been to. And many, many others said the same. There were also an awful lot more merry people see above..totally shitfaced than at most weddings as every single parent forgot they were on duty as the kids had disappeared.

So if you can budget for a 2/3 hour kids party in another room that is your answer. You will be loved. until the hangovers

Oh and all ages of children catered for (bride was a primary school teacher so had contacts - so fully DBS/trained

@waitingpatientlyforspring your dc was 9mths

Sure he cost them barely anything

Def didn’t have the 3 course sit down mean and bubbly 😂😂

@LoubyLouLou22 what is the cost of kids meal

How many kids do you have coming

Depending on your relationship people might feel forced to accept the invite but struggle to pay for their children. Can't you just have a private wedding and big party, or make it clear there is no expectation/pressure on parents to attend the wedding? Many parents don't have any free childcare, so it's a difficult position to put people in (as are child-free weddings I guess).

I appreciate your budget can't stretch, but you simply can't do this.
Invite less people or find a cheaper venue.

As a mum, who hasn't been too any of my cousins weddings, 3 because of no children policy. Which when my mum, also invited to same wedding, so cannot baby sit. My mother in law, lives 2 hour drive away. So I couldn't make it. The 1 cousin who didn't have a problem with kids, invited me but I couldn't go as my son was poorly, he gets clingy when sick. That was a shame, as I was looking forward to going, if she had said she my son could go but I had to pay for his food, I would have paid, as its probably cheaper then childcare. But I only have one kid and if you have more than yes, it could be dear.

Ive never heard of anything so ridiculous. Its unthinkable. Please don't. Probably in the Daily Mirror next.

No, this isn't a good option. Plan the wedding you can afford. Fewer guests or cheaper venue.

I really don’t understand some of the replies here. For many the reality is either doing something like this or not inviting children at all, and I’d imagine most people with small children would much rather this than not to be able to bring their children at all! I think it’s a great idea. I wouldn’t mind at all with 3 little ones x

Invite less people instead. This note will be offensive to those with kids.

Omg. How shocking is that to ask peeps to pay for their kids.

Even though you have phrased it nicely, I still wouldn’t want this.

Either you save more money and have the children and you pay for them or you make it a child free wedding.

I think it’s a great idea. I wouldn’t mind at all with 3 little ones x
Why exactly do you think being asked to pay for your "three little ones" would be a great idea?
I assume you're taking the piss.

Never heard anything like this before. Like some else said how much can a child cost. Can't they just come to reception and do a finger food buffet for them? You must have a figure in mind? Are you talking a couple of pounds or tenner as honestly it would cross my mind if you were trying to make some money. I don't think it is right to ask bridesmaids to pay for there own dresses either. If you do this then I think you'd b better getting married alone and the guests are going to think this strange and have questions and do you want that going between your guests who are there hopefully because you like them and who you want there as genuine friends.

Oh dear, absolutely not! If I had an invite like that, it would be an immediate no thanks , just for the audacity of it

What @Whycantibetangy said!!!

I see where you're coming from, but lots of people would get uppity about it, it's not worth the agro. You shouldn't really ask your guests to pay to attend. I would just not invite children at all. And tbh inviting some children over others is fine IMO. Our wedding we're only inviting kids we actually know well and have a relationship with. Kids we haven't met or don't know the name of won't be invited (unless they're on the breast) I think many people forget that the wedding is about the bride and groom not about their aunts friends daughters kids who you've never met before in your life equally that means no one should have to pay to come.

I think you would be better off saying no children invited. I had no children and guests took the opportunity for a child free night plus they know I don't have a maternal bone in my body lol

I have previously had to decline wedding invites due to the no child rule when mine were very young. Now they are older the grandparents are more willing to have them. It made me feel crap to decline and I made up an excuse that wasn’t childcare related so the wedding couple didn’t feel awkward.

Personally I would speak to everyone you want to invite who has kids and outline your predicament “Hi friend, I’m organising my wedding and would love you to come, I’m struggling with the cost of all my friends children and trying to avoid a blanket “no children” rule. Therefore I was considering asking who would have childcare and be willing to arrange it before sending the invites. If you have childcare, it would just be to you and your Partner but you don’t have any then your family would be made very welcome. Please could you let me know your preference?”

Then your friends with abundant childcare will be delighted to have a night off and your friends without won’t decline! Some people may even offer to contribute!

If you want these people and their kids at your wedding (really want them) then you need to change the format of your wedding to be more affordable and include them all.

Think you are.
Would make more sense to charge adults, given amount of booze they put away.

Btw - telling your guests to “take the opportunity for a child free night” feels really shitty when you don’t have any options