3 Year Old going downstairs alone.

[blaisealex]

DS 3, for the past two mornings, has ventured downstairs alone when he wakes up.

I'm just wondering how old your DC were when they started going downstairs alone?

I'm not happy about it. We don't allow DS to use the stairs unsupervised nor be downstairs or upstairs by himself. But he's creeping downstairs first thing when he wakes up and we don't hear him. Prior to this he would come to our room and wake us up. He is no longer doing this.

I'm not sure what I can do to stop him? Of course, I can tell him not to but whether he listens or not is another matter. I can't set an alarm to wake before him because he doesn't wake at a set time. He could wake at any time. He can now open all the stair gates so those don't work anymore.

I should add, he is only just turned three. By a few weeks.

Am I being too protective or am I right that this is a definite no no?

Stairgate??

@Zari29

Stairgate??

What?

Seeing as he can open the stair gate, can you make it appealing to come into your room? A story and cuddle works for my 3 year old, or an episodes of his cartoon on my phone. (Although mine can't open the stair gate fortunately!)

@Zari29 The Op says he can now open the stairgate.

I.e. make it more appealing to go to your room rather than downstairs?

Is he wanting breakfast straight away? Would a cup of milk upstairs help? You could bring up long life milk the night before?

Mine always went up and down stairs at three years of age. I probably did too though don't remember. What's the problem, as long as you keep an eye on them?

The OP has literally just said He can now open all the stair gates so those don't work anymore

@Eileen101

Seeing as he can open the stair gate, can you make it appealing to come into your room? A story and cuddle works for my 3 year old, or an episodes of his cartoon on my phone. (Although mine can't open the stair gate fortunately!)

I've actually purchased a TV for our room just so I can entice him into bed with me in the mornings to watch an episode of Bing and have a cuddle. I tell him before he goes to sleep to come into my bedroom in the morning for a cuddle and an episode of Bing but seemingly it hasn't worked!

No, that would be too risky for me with wires/hot things/tripping hazards, especially for such a young age.

I'd suggest getting a new higher stair gate - they have different locking mechanisms which may give you a little more time.

@Maggiesfarm

Mine always went up and down stairs at three years of age. I probably did too though don't remember. What's the problem, as long as you keep an eye on them?

The problem is that he goes down in the morning when he wakes up whilst I'm still sleeping and he's as quiet as a mouse so I don't hear him. Therefore, I can't keep an eye on him.

I would also try and use bribery to make him want to come into you first, it’s what we do with ours. They watch a bit of telly on our bed whilst we get ready and have a carton of smoothie whilst waiting for their breakfast.

Can you put some sort of lock on the stairgate so he can't open them? Like these.

I would think that's too young to be unsupervised downstairs.

Put a baby gate at the top of the stairs. I now allow my 9yo in the TV room before we get up ( flat, no stairs), but that's because he'll literally just sit and watch TV. The 13yo has never done it.

If bribery isn’t working, definitely look at something with a different mechanism to block his way down. We have the folding BabyDan stair gate that is an absolute fucker to open, even most adults struggle with it, I’d be surprised if a three year old could do it.

Oh, I didn't see the bit about stairgates. We had one where you had to have big hands and be strong to open it.

You perhaps need to speak to him and make clear this is not allowed, you do not go down on your own.

Teach him to use the stairs safely.
Mine were going up and downstairs safely at 3 but then mine are adults now so it was quite a few years ago before everything had to have a risk assessment.

Although, is he likely to just climb over a stair gate if he can’t get it open? Which is probably more dangerous than just letting him make his own way down at his own pace. Difficult one, I’d probably persevere with the bribery. Bowl of dry cereal ready for him, iPad, few small world toys set up in your room or something?

What are you doing when he does this? Are there consequences for disobeying your clear instructions?

And yes like a PP mine were using the stairs unsupervised at 3 but not while I was asleep, and anyway it wouldn't be the stairs that bothered me it'd be everything else he could get up to unsupervised downstairs!

@Proudboomer

Teach him to use the stairs safely. Mine were going up and downstairs safely at 3 but then mine are adults now so it was quite a few years ago before everything had to have a risk assessment.

We have taught him to use them safely but at three years old he doesn't actually understand the consequences of what will happen if he doesn't use them safely. I've caught him several times, despite being shown and told how to use the stairs, running up the stairs, not holding the bannister, taking two stairs at a time, etc.

@namechange30455

And yes like a PP mine were using the stairs unsupervised at 3 but not while I was asleep, and anyway it wouldn't be the stairs that bothered me it'd be everything else he could get up to unsupervised downstairs!

Yes, that's it. Even if he manages the stairs, it's all the other hazards downstairs he will be exposed to unsupervised.

Attach some bells to his door so when he comes out you hear it or attach them to the stair gate if you still have it.

But make it clear he doesn't go downstairs in the morning without an adult. My biggest fear was always them choking to death on food whilst Dh and I were peacefully sleeping.

Star chart/ reward chart when he does wake you/ stays in his room til the groclock goes yellow?

Do you go downstairs with him when he does wake you, or do you try & snuggle him back to bed? If it's the latter, he doesn't want that & that's why he's sneaking!!

I'm sure amazon will have a gadget that will alert you if a door is opened? Maybe put one on his door so you'll wake up as soon as he leaves his room.
You can tell him he isn't allowed but 3year olds aren't exactly known for ignoring their immediate thoughts and desires over remembering rules. Especially when mum isn't within eyesight they have a habit of forgetting what is and isn't allowed