3 Year Old going downstairs alone.

[blaisealex]

DS 3, for the past two mornings, has ventured downstairs alone when he wakes up.

I'm just wondering how old your DC were when they started going downstairs alone?

I'm not happy about it. We don't allow DS to use the stairs unsupervised nor be downstairs or upstairs by himself. But he's creeping downstairs first thing when he wakes up and we don't hear him. Prior to this he would come to our room and wake us up. He is no longer doing this.

I'm not sure what I can do to stop him? Of course, I can tell him not to but whether he listens or not is another matter. I can't set an alarm to wake before him because he doesn't wake at a set time. He could wake at any time. He can now open all the stair gates so those don't work anymore.

I should add, he is only just turned three. By a few weeks.

Am I being too protective or am I right that this is a definite no no?

My Mother told me she once found me making a cup if tea.
I had boiled the kettle on the gas stove. In ancient times it had a pilot light & you had to get the "wand", light it by the pilot , turn on & light the gas.
I had got out the teapot etc.
Standing on a chair in front of the boiling kettle.
I was 4.....😁😂

He's old enough to go up and down stairs unsupervised. When not leave out a snack in the kitchen ( a drink and some raisins) and let him get on with it? Then he'll go and play by himself.

@cooldarkroom

My Mother told me she once found me making a cup if tea. I had boiled the kettle on the gas stove. In ancient times it had a pilot light & you had to get the "wand", light it by the pilot , turn on & light the gas. I had got out the teapot etc. Standing on a chair in front of the boiling kettle. I was 4.....😁😂

Oh my goodness this brings me out in hives!!

I have nothing helpful to add OP, but I'm laughing at the posters thinking that one person doesn't allow their 9 and 13 year olds independence. I suspect they meant when their chuldrwn were younger?
Unless I've picked it up wrong, then I guess the laugh is on me!

OP you can get door alarms, as soon as he opens the door it will go off, fairly inexpensive

My 4 yo SS has no sense of danger what so ever, will break stuff, turn hobs on, pull things out, climb on benches, get in knife draws etc, he needs constant supervision and doesn’t understand when you tell him not to do something, not all 3/4yo have the ability to be trusted by themselves especially when parents are asleep, so other measures needs to be put in place, we have big stair gates that he can’t climb over/open, OP obviously feels like he can’t be left by himself when she’s asleep and wants him to be safe.

Get a ring camera with a motion detector on. It will alert on your phone when he is down there and you can log into it and check him then go down yourself

We always used a stairgate across the bedroom door till about 4

Also totally get the stair thing. My dd was fine but when I was childminding I looked after a little boy who just careered about without control of his feet! He was so cute but a totally danger to himself and would trip over it down everything.

Put a padlock on the stair gate - unless he can climb over ??

Get a tall stair gate so he can’t reach to go down?…we had one as my youngest was Houdini and could open anything and get out of anywhere except that gate I sleep quite deeply so I didn’t want him downstairs on his own. I don’t know what other solution other than you getting up at 6am every morning ‘just in case’ we also had a chain in the door to stop him running off out of the door he was so fast!!.

I wouldn’t put a lock on anything tbh dangerous re fires etc

If you don't know what hes doing downstairs, its obviously not causing carnage as pretty sure you'd have spotted that?

At 3 hes old enough to be told not to go downstairs, to wake you first. If he simply doesn't listen to that then perhaps do some sort of reward chart for following that rule, add a few more so its not totally obvious, in case he has a little inner rebel :)

Or as people have suggested, put a bike or padlock on the gate if he still isn't listening.

My dd would go downstairs at that age and just play with toys, or put on the TV (at this age I would leave the sky box set for cbeebies, so she just had to turn the power button on the TV if she wanted). She'd also make her own cereal, but was probably about 3 1/2 by then so a little older than your ds. But our house was quite small and I'd usually hear her pottering about anyway.

At first, yes it was a worry and i'd listen intently to what she might be doing, but she never caused any chaos and she knew not to touch any of the kitchen appliances etc. It is a fine line as you want them to start to be a little independent but also worry in case they get into harm.
I think setting firm rules, that he can easily understand is the key here. Say he can go downstairs but he can only play in the lounge/not get food/not touch kitchen appliances etc and if he doesn't listen tell him you'll be locking the gate and he won't be allowed to do that anymore?

I personally could trust my son to get up when he was 3. If It were me I would judge that the fact he is coordinated enough to open the stair gates himself he probably is safe to walk up and down the stairs. The kitchen would be my main concern so I might find a way to lock the kitchen.

I never really got the gro clock thing as I would always want DS to go to the toilet as soon as he got up. Not sit in his bed with a full bladder. Same with a stair gate on doors.

What time does he get up? Could you set your alarm clock a half hour earlier? (Completely understand if we are talking 5am ).

You can get a laser thing which will set up an alarm when they go through if you just want to be woken. (My friend had one for her escape artist dc. It gave her nearly a week of peace of mind before the dc discovered how to disable it before escaping, but she was older)

Stairgate upside down worked for my parents.

Or a simple cable tie round the catch on the stairgate.

Please don’t get an immovable stair gate at the top of the stairs which he would want to climb over. I read a book once where a child had died in this way and it has haunted me.

Sorry, not very helpful.

I'm with you OP, don't have any advice different to what's already been said, but I do think some posters are giving you a hard time (leaving a 3yr old downstairs while they slept upstairs for 1.5 hours?!)

When you've gone downstairs, what is he doing/has done?

No 3 year old should be downstairs while parents are upstairs asleep. So you need an alarm of some sort on his bedroom door. I'm pretty sure even places like poundland have those window/door alarms, that when contact is broken they ding loudly.

Think the parents letting their 3 year olds be alone downstairs are absolutely shocking. So while you're soundly asleep they could turn the oven on, knock a glass over or anything but that's okay . I would suggest OP getting some kind of alarm sensor for his bedroom door so it goes off when he gets out so you know and ensure he's safe downstairs.

Mine set the house alarm off and ran back up screaming. That stopped them ever doing it again

@Tinkling

Mine set the house alarm off and ran back up screaming. That stopped them ever doing it again

When my eldest was little he would get up and toddle about in his room playing. Never opened cupboards or tried to do anything dangerous.

My youngest however is on a mission to destroy all furniture, climb everything and experiment with danger.

They're all different so I can understand how one child can do something safely while another will set the place on fire. If he's not good with stairs then he's just not ready. I think an alarm or bell is the best option.

Some parents I knew taught their little escape artist to go down the stairs on their hands and knees (backwards) one step at a time when it became clear that mini-Houdini was just going climb out of his cot, over any stairgates etc and go wherever he wanted to. I appreciate you might not want him downstairs without you though!

So surprised... my lot go downstairs first at weekends! Yes, even at 3. They go into the playroom and get their barbies and stuff out! I can’t think what they could realistically do to harm themselves tbh. They wouldn’t help themselves to anything from the kitchen, there aren’t wires etc out.
And the 9 year old who’s only allowed to watch tv?! My 8 year old wakes us up on a Saturday with a cup of tea!

It is your responsibility to fence him in so to speak, either on a bedroom door or a safer stair gate.. In this day and age, there must be loads of child safety gadgets,as it's all health and safety these days.

I wouldn't want a small child going downstairs alone, if you have lots of things he can touch, and investigate down stairs. But having said this, children this age can quite easily skip down the stairs, but not to be recommended alone,and if you are asleep or whatever.

Good grief I am trying to work out what I find more bizarre

A 9 year old only just allowed to go downstairs by themselves to watch TV

Or

A 6 year old still being contained with a stair gate

???

I can't fathom it.

As for OP mije have always been 'allowed' to go downstairs by themselves but didn't really want to do it until 4, almost 5. What does he do when he gets downstairs and you aren't there? Does he come back up or call you?

How early are you waking up?

If he's doing this at 5am, I would say find a more secure stairgate etc. If what's happening is he's waking at 6.30 or 7, waiting an hour for you to wake up and then going down at 8am because no one is waking up, I'd say you could set an alarm to wake a bit earlier and read books with him or whatever until it's time for breakfast.