3 Year Old going downstairs alone.

[blaisealex]

DS 3, for the past two mornings, has ventured downstairs alone when he wakes up.

I'm just wondering how old your DC were when they started going downstairs alone?

I'm not happy about it. We don't allow DS to use the stairs unsupervised nor be downstairs or upstairs by himself. But he's creeping downstairs first thing when he wakes up and we don't hear him. Prior to this he would come to our room and wake us up. He is no longer doing this.

I'm not sure what I can do to stop him? Of course, I can tell him not to but whether he listens or not is another matter. I can't set an alarm to wake before him because he doesn't wake at a set time. He could wake at any time. He can now open all the stair gates so those don't work anymore.

I should add, he is only just turned three. By a few weeks.

Am I being too protective or am I right that this is a definite no no?

@QueenAdreena

Although, is he likely to just climb over a stair gate if he can’t get it open? Which is probably more dangerous than just letting him make his own way down at his own pace. Difficult one, I’d probably persevere with the bribery. Bowl of dry cereal ready for him, iPad, few small world toys set up in your room or something?

Yes, he would just climb over.

@GroggyLegs

Star chart/ reward chart when he does wake you/ stays in his room til the groclock goes yellow?

Do you go downstairs with him when he does wake you, or do you try & snuggle him back to bed? If it's the latter, he doesn't want that & that's why he's sneaking!!

I've given up trying to get him to snuggle in bed with me when he wakes up so we just go downstairs straight away! They give stamps at Nursery for rewards so I tried that at home without success!

Have you got a gro clock where he can see to stay in bed until the sun comes on? With reward/sticker if he stays in bed until that time? Not foolproof by any means but worth a try. Otherwise I think you might have to set your alarm earlier because yes, 3 is too young to be downstairs alone imo.

Sorry, I think a pp just suggested that as I was typing!

"I've actually purchased a TV for our room just so I can entice him into bed with me in the mornings to watch an episode of Bing"

That's the main issue here. Bing should never be watched.

What does he do downstairs? Would you be ok with him playing in his room alone and if so can you move any toys that seem to be enticing him downstairs into his room?to

Also, did a poster upthread really mean that their 13 year old doesn't go into the living room unless they're present?!

@Zari29

Stairgate??

Can you not read? Before putting your snotty post.

OP what is he doing while downstairs? Does he have books/toys in his room to play with if he wakes up early? You need to teach him that he is not allowed to open the stair gate, and that he must stay in bed until you are awake. It may take a little while, but he will get there.

Do you not have a burglar alarm? When I was a kid I literally couldn't go downstairs as the alarm was on, and I didn't know the code until I was 12! That might help.

What does he do when he goes downstairs? Could you put high up bolts or hook locks on the downstairs doors so that he can't get in to put on TV, play with toys etc and there is no incentive to go down. This doesn't work if you are open-plan obviously.

Is he still in nappies?

If so, what about a dog stair gate (which are a lot taller) across the stairs?

He won’t be able to reach the opening mechanism or be tall enough to climb over the gate

Our doors have high handles they can't reach so we leave the door shut at night and use a baby monitor and a gate on the door. It sounds nuts but my DD is a terror who I worry about!

Try another stair gate that has a different closing system, or a higher one that he can't reach.

I don't understand what the problem is with him being downstairs alone?
I'm a bit confused because round here everyone is quite snotty about stair gates and say "I taught them to go downstairs properly" so the idea of having them for a 3 year old is blowing my mind. I used stair gates but felt quite pitied for it.
I often leave my 3 year old in a different room to me to make his lunch, go to the loo etc.

2 stair gates stacked?
Otherwise could you have some 'morning toys' that he chooses before he goes to sleep, that you put in his room overnight that he can play with when he wakes up?

You haven’t said what he does when he goes downstairs? Does he watch tv? I always raised my son to be independent and now he’s 12 he can do just about everything around the house, he cooks the family dinner on a regular basis walks the dog and cleans when asked. As long as you don’t have knifes laying around and all the doors are locked so he can’t leave the house I don’t know what the problem is.

Would suggesting changing the stair gate to one with a different kind of lock that he will be unfamiliar with.

@ADialgaAteMyDog

I don't understand what the problem is with him being downstairs alone? I'm a bit confused because round here everyone is quite snotty about stair gates and say "I taught them to go downstairs properly" so the idea of having them for a 3 year old is blowing my mind. I used stair gates but felt quite pitied for it. I often leave my 3 year old in a different room to me to make his lunch, go to the loo etc.

I also would leave my three year old while I went to do a quick task in another part of the house, but like OP I wouldn't want him wandering around totally unsupervised while I slept - for the same reason I wouldn't go for a nap while I was alone with him. It isn't the stairs - I'm totally happy for him to use them unsupervised - but we close the stairgate at night to close off downstairs. I agree that isn't an option if he might climb them, though.

I've also encountered the 'oh, we don't have stairgates/ babyproof because we just watch our child properly' people, who are always very smug about it. I think they're idiots.

It's a bit early to be saying "well I can't exactly stop him", he's not a hulking 16 year old.

I think the time he's deemed safe to go downstairs and play unsupervised is when YOU decide it's ok, not when he does. He will test a gazillion boundaries in the next few years, you just need to crack on with enforcing it. Clear expectations with groclock/timer and fairylights, things to play with in his room, consequences if he goes downstairs without you. A commitment from you to get up when his timer goes off and not try and sneak in indeterminate extra bits of time (sorry). Start timer at silly o'clock if need be and move forward in tiny increments.

(We actually have quite a permissive parenting style but we always start with structure first.)

@TheLovelinessOfDemons

Put a baby gate at the top of the stairs. I now allow my 9yo in the TV room before we get up ( flat, no stairs), but that's because he'll literally just sit and watch TV. The 13yo has never done it.

This is bonkers. At that age (both 9 and 13) they should be able to get up, shower and make breakfast without any supervision. How will they ever learn to do anything independently?

OP I think I would try and ensure he cannot get into the kitchen and make the place he plays enticing so he just stays there until you can get down. I have a friend whose house is configured so their bedroom is upstairs and there 3 DC all sleep downstairs. They have all been getting up and playing down there since they were small. They have never come to any harm.

Some form of alarm on the stair gate would be my suggestion, we are in a similar place with stair gates but luckily the eldest wants everyone downstairs too so comes to get us first

@Zari29

Stairgate??

Aside from the fact he can open it, these aren't recommended past the toddler stage anyway as children might climb over them etc.

@TheLovelinessOfDemons

Put a baby gate at the top of the stairs. I now allow my 9yo in the TV room before we get up ( flat, no stairs), but that's because he'll literally just sit and watch TV. The 13yo has never done it.

Seriously?

i fail to see how this is an unsolvable issue for you..

lock the stairgate and/ or get a higher stair gate.

A tall stairgate with an alarm, apart from that I don't think there's anything else to suggest.

There must be an alarm of some sort that rings if his door opens?
or a bell, like in a shop !
I've got some tiny jingly bells on my back door, so I hear if someone comes in,

Bells on the door handle or you can get handle alarms that you hang off the door handle and make a noise when moved (you’d want to explain it to the poor kid first otherwise he’d get an awful shock).

My three year old was playing with a dead mouse he found in the garden yesterday, so I’m on team supervision.