3 Year Old going downstairs alone.

[blaisealex]

DS 3, for the past two mornings, has ventured downstairs alone when he wakes up.

I'm just wondering how old your DC were when they started going downstairs alone?

I'm not happy about it. We don't allow DS to use the stairs unsupervised nor be downstairs or upstairs by himself. But he's creeping downstairs first thing when he wakes up and we don't hear him. Prior to this he would come to our room and wake us up. He is no longer doing this.

I'm not sure what I can do to stop him? Of course, I can tell him not to but whether he listens or not is another matter. I can't set an alarm to wake before him because he doesn't wake at a set time. He could wake at any time. He can now open all the stair gates so those don't work anymore.

I should add, he is only just turned three. By a few weeks.

Am I being too protective or am I right that this is a definite no no?

@QueenAdreena

If bribery isn’t working, definitely look at something with a different mechanism to block his way down. We have the folding BabyDan stair gate that is an absolute fucker to open, even most adults struggle with it, I’d be surprised if a three year old could do it.

yes that babydan is a swine. I have got it on my stairs so I can control what my old dog does on his wobbley days and it takes me two hands and some strength to open/close it

Locks on the gate, door motion sensors, baby monitor attached to wall that sends you a ding when there's movement.

Ours used to come into us for a cuddle and story, ditto what others have said about maybe a small bottle of milk there too in the mornings?
One of ours did go through a phase of going downstairs so we used to have to set the alarm super early so we beat them to it. I certainly wouldn't let them go down unsupervised!

The trouble with locks is that if he's really determined he might try to climb over which could be disastrous near the stairs.

@user1471517900

"I've actually purchased a TV for our room just so I can entice him into bed with me in the mornings to watch an episode of Bing"

That's the main issue here. Bing should never be watched.

I love Bing. Flop is an absolute legend and every day I aspire to parent like him. So fucking patient... what a saint!

He can't actually turn the TV on downstairs so not sure what he does when he goes down. Opens all the kitchen cupboards and the fridge probably. Looking at the various ways he can cause lots of havoc I assume. He does have toys and books in his bedroom. Loves books but is a bit of a toy refuser. Would rather rifle through Cupboards he's not allowed in, than play with his own toys.

Thanks for all the suggestions, looking into all these ideas now.

Whilst you're figuring out what he's going down for you could zone your alarm and set it at night, we have a yale system with a portable keypad and it works really well. It's so loud he'll only do that a few times!

Or get a cheap magnetic alarm sensor and put it on any doors downstairs so it wakes you up.

If you have a ring/nest system or similar you could move one of your cameras so you can nosey at what he's doing when he gets down there then move it upstairs.

Good luck!

I've got a baby gate on the kitchen doorway that I have to show adults how to open, and it takes brute force to lift it out of the catch, there's no way a 3 year old could open it, they wouldn't be strong enough. It's this one

This sort of stair gate is good: www.argos.co.uk/product/7646924?clickPR=plp:4:14

You have to push really hard on them with a full hand to open, I sometimes struggle with them myself!

Bike lock on the gate? Or an alarm on the gate?

A sticker chart for if he stays in his bedroom?

A special toy that you leave in his room for the mornings with him to play with?

Can he explain why he's stopped coming in? What does he want downstairs?

Also completely unhelpful OP so apologies but isn't it amazing just how quiet and sneaky they can be when they normally sound like a gang of outraged rhinos crossed with a low flying 747... 🤷‍♀️

We don't have any kind of alarm, camera, or yale system for security.

How about locking the downstairs doors.

Or putting a high baby gate on his bedroom door, the animal gates are bigger. That way he can't climb over it.

@Truenorthmum

Also completely unhelpful OP so apologies but isn't it amazing just how quiet and sneaky they can be when they normally sound like a gang of outraged rhinos crossed with a low flying 747... 🤷‍♀️

Yes, right?! Utterly perplexing!

Stairgate over his bedroom door. I'd get one of the babydan folding ones... they're out of the way if you're not using them but an absolute bitch to open as someone else said above. Then if he does climb for freedom, at least there isn't far to fall.

MY dd is 3 and she plays in her room when we are downstairs, and vice versa i'll be upstairs and she is playing downstairs. I think you qre being massively over protective.

But you have to build them up, my dd doesn't 'cause carnage' downstairs, she plays with her toys in the lounge. It is so important for kids to learn independance and how to play on their own.

She has a kindle which she can play games or watch tv as well if she wants to.

What toys has he got in his room to play with when he wakes up?

My 6 year old granddaughter can't open the one I have at the top of my stairs. Have you looked at alternative stairgates?

I made it as safe as I could for them to go down. So had easy breakfast buns at their height in a cupboard and a carton of something easy to drink. They'd turn on the tv and it was only on non work days cos otherwise everyone were all up and out.

Ooh, I had this problem with my first DC. My dad ended up getting me some sort of cat alarm which meowed when the cat sat by the back door and wanted to get out. I then placed that on the landing outside DC's bedroom and whenever she left her room at night I was woken up by a loud meow. It worked, but I can't remember who made them. I'm sure you can find something cheap like that on Amazon or Argos.

I’d put a Babydan gate outside the bedroom door too, so if he tries climbing over, he will just fall on the landing, rather than climbing over one that’d mean falling down the stairs. Explain properly to him that he must not open the gate (we have this gate as others have said, I struggle to open it one-handed). Leave enough in the bedroom to entertain him until your alarm goes off - maybe set it earlier for now, so he’s not left for ages on his own after he gets up. Reward for staying in the room, change reward system if it’s not working. But explain he must not go downstairs without you, and explain clearly, i.e. it’s not safe, make sure he understands. If he carries on, I’d be disciplining him by removing a toy etc, but obviously most important is rewarding when he listens.

Please don’t put a padlock or bike lock on your stairgate, that would dangerous in a fire if you couldn’t open it quickly.

You don't let your 3yr old use the stairs unsupervised? Jesus wept

DD did this when she was 3. Honestly, we had no problem with it - the house is pretty safe. She'd come downstairs, pootle about with her toys and colouring. When she was about 4, she'd help herself to some breakfast if she wanted. Now she's 7, she gets herself ready, feeds the dog and lets him out, and has her breakfast.

Not everyday - some days she's asleep until 7.30 - just sometimes she wakes up super early and just likes to get on with things. We've always just taught her to do things herself and she's very capable and sensible.