3 Year Old going downstairs alone.

[blaisealex]

DS 3, for the past two mornings, has ventured downstairs alone when he wakes up.

I'm just wondering how old your DC were when they started going downstairs alone?

I'm not happy about it. We don't allow DS to use the stairs unsupervised nor be downstairs or upstairs by himself. But he's creeping downstairs first thing when he wakes up and we don't hear him. Prior to this he would come to our room and wake us up. He is no longer doing this.

I'm not sure what I can do to stop him? Of course, I can tell him not to but whether he listens or not is another matter. I can't set an alarm to wake before him because he doesn't wake at a set time. He could wake at any time. He can now open all the stair gates so those don't work anymore.

I should add, he is only just turned three. By a few weeks.

Am I being too protective or am I right that this is a definite no no?

One morning my 3 year old grandson climbed on a worktop to reach a glass tumbler, used it to cut a disc out of a slice of bread, and was confidently cracking an egg when he was discovered. He had decided to cook a fancy fried breakfast for his mum. Luckily he couldn't switch on the stove

These days he is good at making curries and pasta.

Should say, he's 19 now!

Lol! Stair gate? Just keep an eye on him?

@BigPyjamas

You don't let your 3yr old use the stairs unsupervised? Jesus wept

No, I don't. What's the problem with that? He isn't ready and can't yet be trusted to use them safely despite being shown how. So, for now, he is supervised. What's your problem?

How long does he spend downstairs and what does he do when he's downstairs without you on a morning?

@Lazypuppy

MY dd is 3 and she plays in her room when we are downstairs, and vice versa i'll be upstairs and she is playing downstairs. I think you qre being massively over protective.

But you have to build them up, my dd doesn't 'cause carnage' downstairs, she plays with her toys in the lounge. It is so important for kids to learn independance and how to play on their own.

She has a kindle which she can play games or watch tv as well if she wants to.

What toys has he got in his room to play with when he wakes up?

When I'm awake, during the day, he has plenty of independence, I'm happy for him to be unsupervised for short periods downstairs, for example, whilst I pop up stairs to use the loo or put some washing away. I'll allow him to play in the garden by himself while I pootle around inside, downstairs, doing bits and bobs. So, I don't think I'm being massively over protective here. I just don't want him downstairs unsupervised for god knows how long whilst I'm upstairs sleeping unawares. He has a full box of toys upstairs to play with. All sorts. Same as downstairs.

I used to have to leave my dd just turned 3 alone downstairs alone for 1.5 hours as I went for a sleep due to my poor health. I left the doors open. I prepped her, left the tv on and she had instructions of what she could and couldn’t do. I think the people, who do / did leave children have sensible ones, who follow the rules. It sounds as if your ds doesn’t.

You could try roll playing through his morning so that he is and isn’t allowed to do and put high up tiny bolts / cabin hooks on the internal doors. Would you consider leaving your bedroom door open so you hear him?

@RedHelenB

How long does he spend downstairs and what does he do when he's downstairs without you on a morning?

It has only happened the last two mornings. But I'm not sure how long he's been downstairs unsupervised because I've been upstairs asleep.

Could buy a wandering mat or a bed motion sensor that will notify you when he leaves his room. You can purchase them on Amazon.

@TheLovelinessOfDemons

Put a baby gate at the top of the stairs. I now allow my 9yo in the TV room before we get up ( flat, no stairs), but that's because he'll literally just sit and watch TV. The 13yo has never done it.

Are these NT kids? A lot of kids are allowed to walk to school in a group age 9, ie yr5.

Do you allow your 13 yo out alone? My dd plays out and goes on long walks with friends etc. She took a bus into town with a group of friends and went round the shops last week. For reference she's the same age as this.

Hopefully just a phase. I would nt worry about him getting down stairs safely, he can obviously manage it. As long as he can't get in the knife drawer I'm sure it'll be OK. I'm thinking of 3 year olds in school nurseries and they'd be on climbing frames, and walking up and down steps confidently.

I wouldn't be worried about him actually using the stairs unsupervised, he's 3, I just wouldn't want him downstairs at any given time doing God knows what.

Tell him you have an alarm fitted which will go off if he opens the stairgate that you have fitted with a lock. Tell him house rules are children aren't allowed downstairs until the grown ups get up.

Agree with PP don't put any locks on things. Be devastating if there's a fire.
I think a bell on his door. Also keep reiterating he needs to wake you, if he's disobeying then have consequences

I think you're right to be concerned. He doesn't sound very risk averse!
Personally I would get something that alerted me to him getting out of bed or leaving his room.
A gro clock might also help start to teach him when it's time to get up.

I'm thinking of 3 year olds in school nurseries and they'd be on climbing frames, and walking up and down steps confidently.

But not completely unsupervised for an unknown length of time, I hope! My 3 year old goes to a forest nursery where they use tools and have camp fires, doesn't mean I'd let him crack on with a hammer or the gas cooker unsupervised at home...

Thinking about it the reason I let DS play in a different part of the house during the day but wouldn't be happy with him doing this is because my fear if I was asleep isn't that I wouldn't hear noise - I'm sure if he fell and hurt himself and cried that would wake me up - but that I wouldn't hear suspicious silence. In the day I keep a constant ear out if he's not in sight and silence would make me go and check; I wouldn't like to not have that.

You can get little camera (I guess like a ring door bell but for inside) that will alert your phone when someone passes- one of those for outside his bedroom?

My children make a lot of noise when they wake so I have no option but to wake up!

We have a camera for our dog but you can use them for other purposes, it can alert you when there's movement. This may work?

@Beamur

I think you're right to be concerned. He doesn't sound very risk averse! Personally I would get something that alerted me to him getting out of bed or leaving his room. A gro clock might also help start to teach him when it's time to get up.

My children have never understood the Groclock. I wish they did. It's now sitting high up in a cupboard.

Gro clock. Set the sun to come up at a respectable time. Tell him he needs to play in his room until then. Worked for my guys.

@blaisealex

I don't have a problem, but I am surprised. I guess that's one of the joys of Mumsnet, you learn about other approaches.

On a practical level it must be hard to constantly be with him in case he uses the stairs. What if you're hanging up the washing or on the phone, do you always keep him in sight? Perhaps you can shut off the door to the hallway which would make it easier.

At what age will he be allowed to use them alone, or is there a level of safe stair use which you're aiming to get to first?

We have multiple stairs and it's not possible to gate them due to the house design. So we've let them get on with it from 2yrs old or so, perhaps even a bit younger but then they were taught to bum shuffle down, not walk.

I'm not picking holes at not wanting him downstairs alone when you're asleep, I completely understand this. Bell on his door sounds good, as well as natural consequences if he does go down and treats if he stays up.

I was just rather surprised at always supervising on the stairs, but your child and your decision of course.

My three year old now four has been perfectly fine using the stair since what seems forever.

More than capable of turning her tablet on, or even mincecraft on the xbox if she wants, will grab herself an apple juice or cheerios.

One of these (or something similar) might do the trick @blaisealex www.amazon.co.uk/Security-Wireless-Infrared-Doorbell-Detector/dp/B0834WKD8Z/ref=sr_1_10?dchild=1&c=ts&s=diy&ts_id=1939545031&keywords=Motion+Detectors&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1624535407&sr=1-10

At least until you work out a way to convince him to come to your room or get a trickier stair gate etc?

@Redwinestillfine

Gro clock. Set the sun to come up at a respectable time. Tell him he needs to play in his room until then. Worked for my guys.

Same here. And there may have been an iPad or two involved .....