To send child to school with no breakfast.

[LittleBlackCat22]

I feel really guilty, although I know they have bagels in class in the morning plus snack at half 10.

She refused to get out of bed this morning until it was time to leave, then refused to get dressed. She was 25 minutes late for school and if she had breakfast too that would have made her even later! She’s 6, and seriously pushing boundaries atm. She loves school, so not a school issue. Just very much not a morning person.

I have an early riser so not an issue but he has ADHD and progress can be dreadful. I’m afraid I am Shouty Mum and privileges are withdrawn and consequences kept for piss arsing around! End of. I do factor in he has needs, and I personally cant face breakfast so I understand where she’s coming from. However breakfast isn’t the issue here. Lying bed until the time that you leave is saying ‘I’ll totally ignore adult because I can’. I’d be dispatching a child to be in bed with no reading, ipad, treats SOD ALL until the morning for a night or two if they say they’rw so tired they can’t get up.

Is she going back to sleep when you first call her? Whats her bedtime?

Children need carbohydrates, yes. But children don't need breakfast, then a bagel at 9am and another snack at 10.30. It is ok to go more than 1.5hours without eating!

Because the OP is very pregnant and her DD is in a double cabin.

If the school’s offering bagels as a mid morning snack then I wouldn’t be too worried about her missing breakfast this morning.

I wouldn’t be rushing into changing the bed either, I’d try other things first.

It’s my 9 yr old who tends to be the awkward one in the mornings. I turn lights on, remove duvets, play annoying music in his room as required.
The thing that really gets him moving is the consequences of being late - if my DC are late for school because they’re refusing to get out of bed, or are mucking about instead of getting ready, then they lose recreational screen time after school.

And reward charts don’t have to be particularly flashy. The one we’ve got was put together with a blank piece of A4 paper, a pen and a packet of star stickers from the supermarket.

OP, as I said upthread I have more often than I like used cereal bars and the like on the way.

When I am somewhat organised though I often make sandwiches the night before. My DS has food issues as part of his SEN and there are limits to the 'breakfast type' foods he will eat. The night before I sometimes make a ham sandwich and wrap it up in clingfilm. That is a perfectly acceptable breakfast to my mind.

Won’t harm her at all … although I definitely understand your guilt.

It was a one off … she has a huge amount to cope with atm - new house, new school, new baby on the way .. and all this during a pandemic altering her life like never before. She needs to feel safe and secure right now, that’s what you need to work on.

Those on about sleeping habits, parenting skills etc need to read the thread properly.

I never ate breakfast as a child or even now as an adult.

Bigger question is why didnt you get her up, being 25 minutes late and saying 'she wouldnt get up' isnt really acceptible especially at that age, its your job to go in a physically get them up and out of bed at that age.

Its not like your wrestling with a 6ft 15 year old boy to get up.

You tell her

"if you're too tired to get out up in the morning, it means you're not getting enough sleep so will have to start going to bed earlier. "

Unless she is a giant and you are a fairy, a 6 yr old cannot "refuse" to get out of their bed btw.

I wouldn't be worried about food if she can get something later. I would be worried about letting her be late for school because she wouldn't get up. At 6 it is up to you to get her to school on time and if she is not complying there needs to be consequences for her. She wants to go to the park after school/watch TV, have a friend round? Only if she gets up when you tell her. She needs to know it's not ok and getting to school on time is not optional it's non negotiable.

@NewlyGranny

I think getting your partner to manhandle the child's mattress into the floor so she has to sleep there is a smart move, though I'd give her one sad serious warning, as in, "Mummy can't pull you out of your bunk when you're not getting up by yourself, so if it happens again, you won't be sleeping up there any more until you are sensible."

As for having no breakfast, what option did you have - take her a tray in bed?! I think not.

Hugs, listening, and a bit of tough love is the best course, I think.

Yes, I completely agree with this and came on to say the same thing. When I first read your post, my reaction was the same as some PPs, who were surprised that you'd allowed her to be late. However, since reading you can't reach her up there and it was the 1st time it happened, the answer is to give her one warning about losing her high bed and then follow through if it happens again. If you can't reach her, that problem needs to be eliminated.

As for the breakfast thing, lose the guilt. Once won't hurt her and she'll learn about natural consequences. You didn't do it to be mean, you did it as you genuinely had no time. Quite a good lesson, I think!

2bazookas …. Read the thread properly - the girl wasn’t tired, she chose not to get up. Unless she is a giant and you are a fairy, a 6 yr old cannot "refuse" to get out of their bed btw. 🤣🤣🤣 of course she can refuse to get out of bed 🤣🤣🤣 she did just that! Maybe you mean the OP should be able to physically get the girl out of bed - but she’s already said why she can’t do that.

As I said before, this is a one off, there is a bigger picture that needs focusing on.

Not to appear rude but who's in charge: Parents or children?
A child "refusing" to get out of bed in time needs to be nipped in the bud. Why would you allow a child to rule you or decide on the morning routine in your household?
If your child can't follow basic instructions and routines like getting out of bed and ready for breakfast/leaving for school then maybe you need parenting classes... I have a 6 year old and would never have my child dictating whether they "agree" or "refuse" to get up in the morning. That's not something up for discussion in my house!
Doesn't seem to make any sense.. or am I missing something?

Oh yes - to add. As @Somethingsnappy says - lose the guilt. :) You are doing fine.

@moniquesue I don’t need parenting classes. Perhaps you need reading lessons?

Ok, for all the people saying ‘you’re in charge, she’s only 6, just get her up’ etc - what exactly would you propose to do?

moniquesue … or am I missing something? - yes you are - the fact that OP is pregnant and was chucking up all morning so unable to hurry dd along or deal with the situation in the way someone might if they haven’t got their head in the toilet. OP has said her dd is good, well behaved, sleeps well, no issues - this is the first time it’s happened. And the girl has a huge amount on her plate which probably caused this morning’s episode. Yes, you missed something.

@VickyEadieofThigh

I'm a bit perturbed by the fact that those who have had breakfast can then have a bagel (carb city) as well as a morning snack.

And I'm perturbed that you are perturbed ! Children need carbs .

Cut yourself some slack OP. One day without breakfast won't harm her, and it's not like you did it to prove a point or whatever, she was already running late and you made the decision you thought best at the time. Some people are just not morning people, but if you do think there's more at play then see how it goes. Sounds like there's a lot going on, and there's been a lot of disruption recently due to covid, perhaps she just feels a bit overwhelmed. Does she know you are pregnant?

@Beannag yea she’s so excited to have a little brother on the way! She had gone through a lot recently but my did she was an arse this morning.

I think I’d probably make some toast to put in her hand for her to eat on the bus/walk/in the car on the way, just to discourage bad habits; but it’s not the end of the world provided she does eat the bagel etc at 10.30am.

I think I’d probably check with the teacher that she does eat that bagel though.

@LittleBlackCat22

I would recommend keeping a stock of breakfast drinks (eg weetabix) / flavoured milk in a carton / individual brioche rolls/ bananas so you have something portable and easy to eat so they can eat on way to school if necessary .

(I'm sure someone will be along to tell me these are full of sugar / lack protein but better than nothing )

Fucking hell, the judgement on this thread.

OP don’t sweat it. She’s late to school once, no big deal. Didn’t have breakfast, no big deal. DS2 is just turned 7 and never eats breakfast, DS1 has waffles.

They’re both absolutely fine. You don’t need parenting classes, unless of course these classes teach you how to be a superior parent in every way.

I always choose sleep over food, she's a smart cookie

Why would she sleep any worse on her mattress if its placed on the floor instead of the bed?

I think she is playing you a bit OP. Definitely time to tighten up the discipline

Some of the responses on this thread!
OP, she's got a lot going on at the moment (as have you!) and she was a bit of an arse one morning. You made a quick decision on whether to give her breakfast and march her over to school late. Chances are it won't happen again, but if it does at least she'll know you mean it when you say, "If you don't get up now, there'll be no breakfast"!
You felt guilty because you're a good parent who feels it's important to give your child breakfast, but also doesn't want her to get away with bad behaviour. This sort of thing happens to all of us (except, apparently, lots of the people who have posted on this thread).