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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Aibu to think this is too full on?

469 replies

Luckystars1 · 24/06/2021 04:12

Hi,

I met this guy about 6 years ago through a friend, who met as a group of us a few times and texted a bit but nothing happened between us, I never met him alone but it was clear he liked me, it was very brief and short lived though. we lost contact anyway and in that time he met somebody else and got engaged.

Fast forward to now he sent me a friend request on Facebook and sent me a message saying long time no speak. He explained that he’s no longer with his partner, went into detail about their nasty breakup etc and started being rude about her which I thought was inappropriate as I’d not seen him in years and I didn’t know her.

Then out of no where he put to me ‘you’re the one that got away’ ‘I always wanted you, you know I did’. We texted back and forth a bit and this is where it went from 0 to 100.

I told him I now have a 2 year old DD. He near enough straight away said ‘I’ll come up this week and meet her’ and he keeps asking about seeing me everyday. He says ‘come and see your man’

He told me he’s got cats and I said I’d love a cat if my Landlord would allow one he said ‘I’ll buy you a kitten if you’re allowed a pet’
He’s then gone on to say he’s got a caravan holiday booked at the seaside that he had booked in with his ex but he’s said me and DD can come with him ‘if we are lucky’. I didn’t say anything back to this and the next day he brought it up when I never agreed. ‘don’t forget you’re both coming away with me in October’

He also says things like ‘tell you’re landlord I’m moving in, I’ll get my bags packed’ I’d love to wake up to you every morning’ ‘you’d be lucky to have me, I’d always go out my way to put a smile on your face’ ‘I know how to spoil a woman’

Also I mentioned about a fishing lake near mine as he said he likes fishing and he put ‘you’re really making me want to marry you’

He said last night ‘he’s not stopped smiling since he messaged me and that he can’t stop thinking about me and it’s the happiest he’s felt in a long time. He put last night ‘I hope you’re thinking about me before you go to bed’

Aibu to think this is too full on? I’ve not seen him in 6 years and even then he barely knew me as we only spoke briefly and we’ve texted for only 2 days and he is saying all this among other things.

OP posts:
PiersPlowman · 24/06/2021 05:42

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep

The “back away quietly and hope s/he takes the hint” strategy is far less confrontational, and if the OP’s interlocutor is as barmy as she has made him sound, wounding his ego could make him turn nasty.

lottiegarbanzo · 24/06/2021 05:50

Bloody hell. You're his fantasy. Rather, he has a fantasy lover with your face on it. You're not a real person (to him).

When you start acting like one, he's going to come back down to earth with a bump and most likely blame you for not 'being the person he thought you were' i.e. living up to his dreams for his fictional creation.

Tell him to slow down, back off, or just treat the whole thing as an exercise in fiction and fantasy. 'Well, that was entertaining. Now, back on planet earth, where people need to get to know each other before creating a life together... '

Mpsister · 24/06/2021 05:54

Run as fast and as far as possible. Please don't let him anywhere near your child. He sounds unstable

Golden2021 · 24/06/2021 05:57

Yeah sounds like he needs somewhere to live.

1frenchfoodie · 24/06/2021 06:03

Tell me this man does not know where you live? Message ‘too much, too fast’ and block. And reflect why you engaged at all after his first message given all the warning signs.

PassionfruitOrangeGuava · 24/06/2021 06:04

Fucking hell. I am actually appalled that you even have to ask. You have a daughter!

Tossblanket · 24/06/2021 06:09

Jesus.

His ex is probably rolled up in a carpet somewhere.

I'd give him a miss.

Fieldsofstars · 24/06/2021 06:10

I’d put a stop to this now.
Sentences like this are such a massive red flag also ‘ you’d be lucky to have me’.

He loves himself and clearly hasn’t learnt any lessons after his last breakup.

Nicolastuffedone · 24/06/2021 06:11

Is this too full on??? Em….let me think 🤔 for the life of me I cannot understand why you carried on talking to him! He’s nuts!!!!

McDreamyDempsey · 24/06/2021 06:12

No wonder his relationship has ended. Stay away, sounds like a nut job

lottiegarbanzo · 24/06/2021 06:12

Interestingly (for me) I'm reading a thread called 'AIBU To be scared of my neighbour' alongside this one. If ever there was a case for curiosity and compassion on the one hand and fear, on the other, being misapplied and crying out to be swapped over, it is with these two threads.

Ragoo · 24/06/2021 06:14

Sounds horrendous I'd block him

Newkitchen123 · 24/06/2021 06:20

Block

Sciurus83 · 24/06/2021 06:20

Good god get rid of him IMMEDIATELY. I cannot fathom why you're still talking to him and for the love of God don't let this crazy train anywhere near your daughter.

Therealjudgejudy · 24/06/2021 06:21

This guy is a legit stalker and whole lot of crazy.

Protect yourself, protect your child and block.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 24/06/2021 06:22

AS others have said just block him, he's waving red flags all over the place.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 24/06/2021 06:22

[quote PiersPlowman]@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep

The “back away quietly and hope s/he takes the hint” strategy is far less confrontational, and if the OP’s interlocutor is as barmy as she has made him sound, wounding his ego could make him turn nasty.[/quote]
They have been texting for two days. OP clearly already has poor boundaries not to have cut this off immediately. Backing away slowly is unnecessary for someone who she isn't seeing but has been texting for two days. It also leaves her vulnerable to hoovering.

unwuthering · 24/06/2021 06:23

Best of luck for the future. Byee! (and block)

FunMcCool · 24/06/2021 06:23

Why are you still texting back? He sounds way too OTT. Even if this is a poor attempt at flirting. It sounds stalkerish at worst and future faking at best. Either way not good.

lurker69 · 24/06/2021 06:24

That is beyond creepy, he is trying to railroad you into a relationship with him! if he is trying to force his decisions on you now imagine what he would be like in a relationship! I would cut all communications with him, he doesn't really sound like the type of chap to take it well that you're not interested in his kitten, holiday, moving in and getting married after speaking to him a handful of times Confused

CeeceeBloomingdale · 24/06/2021 06:24

Just block him, you barely know him and owe him nothing. You owe your DD a safe life, this man sounds unhinged at best and dangerous at worse.

IDontReadEyebrows · 24/06/2021 06:27

Dita73
@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep maybe you need to try and see the good in people instead of jumping to negative conclusions

Women trying to see the good in men like this is what leads them into abusive relationships

What Beeeeep said with fucking bells on. Rather than tiptoeing around these types of men just incase they’re actually nice with normal boundaries, we as women need to unashamedly put our own safety and well-being (and our children’s!) first.

Honestly OP, however “nice” he is sack him off now for yours and your daughter’s sake. Actually frightening to read how intense he is.

unwuthering · 24/06/2021 06:31

I can't help picturing him showing up on your doorstep with a kitten in a carry case (for you!) and an overnight bag in one hand, and an axe in the other (for when things don't go to his plan).

My cutoff point is when they are rude about the ex. It never bodes well.

IWantT0BreakFree · 24/06/2021 06:35

Two days of texting and he's mentioning meeting your daughter, buying you a pet, going on holiday. Oh yeah, and MARRIAGE. Also notice that he's not asking you to come on holiday/move in/meet up. He's telling you what will happen. "I'll come up and meet your daughter" (which honestly should have made you recoil in horror). "I'll buy you a kitten". "Tell your landlord I'm moving in".

In addition to the frankly bleeding obvious red flags in how full on he's being, please listen to the other element of his texts. You can come on holiday "if you're lucky". "You'd be lucky" to have him. He is making sure that he's putting you in your place in the midst of his overpowering communications. And bad mouthing his ex is really just classic red flag material.

Come on, OP. Give your head a wobble. You have a child to think about who is relying on you to protect her from unstable, unpredictable, potentially harmful people. Don't bring this into her life.

PurpleyBlue · 24/06/2021 06:35

Why are you talking to him?!

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