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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Aibu to think this is too full on?

469 replies

Luckystars1 · 24/06/2021 04:12

Hi,

I met this guy about 6 years ago through a friend, who met as a group of us a few times and texted a bit but nothing happened between us, I never met him alone but it was clear he liked me, it was very brief and short lived though. we lost contact anyway and in that time he met somebody else and got engaged.

Fast forward to now he sent me a friend request on Facebook and sent me a message saying long time no speak. He explained that he’s no longer with his partner, went into detail about their nasty breakup etc and started being rude about her which I thought was inappropriate as I’d not seen him in years and I didn’t know her.

Then out of no where he put to me ‘you’re the one that got away’ ‘I always wanted you, you know I did’. We texted back and forth a bit and this is where it went from 0 to 100.

I told him I now have a 2 year old DD. He near enough straight away said ‘I’ll come up this week and meet her’ and he keeps asking about seeing me everyday. He says ‘come and see your man’

He told me he’s got cats and I said I’d love a cat if my Landlord would allow one he said ‘I’ll buy you a kitten if you’re allowed a pet’
He’s then gone on to say he’s got a caravan holiday booked at the seaside that he had booked in with his ex but he’s said me and DD can come with him ‘if we are lucky’. I didn’t say anything back to this and the next day he brought it up when I never agreed. ‘don’t forget you’re both coming away with me in October’

He also says things like ‘tell you’re landlord I’m moving in, I’ll get my bags packed’ I’d love to wake up to you every morning’ ‘you’d be lucky to have me, I’d always go out my way to put a smile on your face’ ‘I know how to spoil a woman’

Also I mentioned about a fishing lake near mine as he said he likes fishing and he put ‘you’re really making me want to marry you’

He said last night ‘he’s not stopped smiling since he messaged me and that he can’t stop thinking about me and it’s the happiest he’s felt in a long time. He put last night ‘I hope you’re thinking about me before you go to bed’

Aibu to think this is too full on? I’ve not seen him in 6 years and even then he barely knew me as we only spoke briefly and we’ve texted for only 2 days and he is saying all this among other things.

OP posts:
Jasmine11 · 24/06/2021 18:02

He doesn't even know you or see you as an actual person. Coming out with all this generic crap of what he thinks is romantic as if all women want to hear the (creepy) things he says. So gross. He is just looking for somewhere to live and a woman to tend to his every need.

Confusedandshaken · 24/06/2021 19:01

He's latched onto someone he thinks will be a pushover and by engaging with him she's showing he made a good choice.

Block him OP. Don't make the mistake of thinking he is probably doing something very similar with 2 or 3 other online 'friends' just in case you can't solve his housing problem.

RoseGoldEagle · 24/06/2021 19:08

I came on to post about the shark cage concept and see someone’s already done that. It scares me that there are women who are vulnerable and feel flattered by this kind of behaviour. Glad you’ve said you’re going to block him OP. He is not worth a single second more of your time.

LAS123 · 24/06/2021 19:22

As PP this is dangerous predatory behaviour. You say you have previous unhealthy relationships, consider the Freedom Programme to help learn and spot this stuff.
www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php
This will help safeguard you and your daughter in your future relationships and role modelling safe behaviour for her.
Block him on all platforms, you DO NOT owe him and explanation or goodbye.

Ladylimpet · 24/06/2021 20:16

Op, please block. I know the comments might seem nice and a boost for your confidence etc. But really have a good long think. No good will come of this. This sort of talk is not normal by any means. Some men know if women are emotionally vulnerable? If that makes sense. I've been there.
Not nice. We're worth more than that.

MyShoelaceIsUndone · 24/06/2021 20:24

I’d run, he sounds desperate to get with someone, wonder if his ex left him for someone else

Bumzoo · 24/06/2021 20:44

Pretty sure he's living in his car and after a place to live.

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 24/06/2021 20:47

Fuck me he’s terrifying.

RUN RUN RUN and don’t look back

airtar · 24/06/2021 21:31
  • ‘you don’t need any one else now anyway, you’ve got me’

Creepy AF.

Luckystars1 · 24/06/2021 21:43

Ok just coming with an update...

Basically I just left it as I got busy but I went back onto my phone and he was wondering where I’d gone saying has he doing something to upset me. Then he also sent a photo of one of the cats and said ‘this is the one you and your little one can have at your house’

Very strange.
I composed the message from the ones given on here and he wasn’t very happy at all and said he feels I’ve lead him on. I don’t see how I could of I didn’t say anything to show I was interested in anything more or even seeing him. He said ‘I’m really sorry if I’ve come across weird, I can promise you I’m not, I’m just being genuine and I feel like it could be something good if you give me a chance to show you, I would never hurt you I promise’

Anyway I’ve now blocked him on everything so hoping he doesn’t find a way of contacting me.

OP posts:
Luckystars1 · 24/06/2021 21:46

Oh and followed that message was 3 out of the blue photos of him from the chest down laid down... that I didn’t ask for. Think he thought it would convince me to carry on speaking to him.

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 24/06/2021 21:46

Well done.
If you google 'red flags in dating' you'll find loads of info so you can bin off the dodgy ones sooner, before they get invested.

lborgia · 24/06/2021 22:05

OP, do you think you might look at some of the links provided?

I do understand. It can be very difficult to find a difference between your heart thumping because someone has started being nice to you, and the adrenalin from feeling scared or overwhelmed. It's still a reaction.

I suddenly got this really strong image reading this.

Imagine you saw a mouse, darting around all over the place, you could be forgiven for thinking they're happy, skipping, jumping... but then the camera pans out and you see there's actually a cat sitting there very still watching it, and the mouse is actually in a complete tizzy.

You feel an adrenalin rush. But it's not because of chemistry, it's because your alarm bells are going off.

Oh, and to the troll hunters, you may be right, but there are plenty of people who truly cannot see the difference/ fall into this stuff ALL the time. So either report, or fuck off being so pompous.

GAL8 · 24/06/2021 22:14

Jesus Christ he sounds terrifying. Can you find out through friends if he's genuinely a little unwell at the moment, or if he is just that full on? Everyone's different but to me that's not attractive, just very, very odd. Also a point, never go with anyone who talks about their ex in such a negative way.

peachyandkeen · 24/06/2021 22:14

Well done OP. I really truly think you’ve done the right thing to protect yourself and your child. I’ve been where you are.

This might not feel good now but it is a win really because you’ve dodged a bullet.

Now go and treat yourself! :)

Still1nLove · 24/06/2021 22:14

You’ve done the right thing. Unfortunately, too many women fall for this intense love bombing

Standrewsschool · 24/06/2021 22:20

Glad to read the update and that you have blocked and binned him. He sounds seriously unhinged.

browneyes77 · 24/06/2021 22:22

Red flags! Red flags waving about all over the shop!!

I’m glad you’ve stepped away from further contact with him OP.

He sounds narcissistic, obnoxious and some of his comments are giving me vibes of someone who’s controlling! Well rid!!

browneyes77 · 24/06/2021 22:25

@Still1nLove

You’ve done the right thing. Unfortunately, too many women fall for this intense love bombing
That’s exactly what it is - Love Bombing.

101 ways to identify a narcissist - Red flag 1: Love Bombing!

ChargingBuck · 24/06/2021 22:42

I would never hurt you I promise

OP - look up Gavin de Becker "The Gift of Fear" & get yourself a copy.

People who say things like "you don't have to worry" when you were sailing along with no notion of anything they were doing that was worrysome - are about to do something really fucking worrying.

You weren't asking for reassurance that he wasn't going to hurt you.
Yet out of the blue - here comes his notion of hurting you.
Think about that.

Congratulations on blocking him.
Stay wary, & if he contacts you again in any form, respond robustly that YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN, & inform the police.

TheSunShinesBrighter · 24/06/2021 22:51

Yikes.

BestZebbie · 25/06/2021 00:19

He hasn't got a clue with the torso pictures, has he?
I'm sure if he were wondering whether to pursue a particular woman, getting some nudes would be a nice obvious encouragement, but he clearly doesn't have any capacity to put himself in your place mentally instead of assuming everyone is the exactly same as him.

unwuthering · 25/06/2021 00:54

he wasn’t very happy at all

I bet he wasn't. He's not considered you over the last days as an actual human being with your own plans, preferences, or basic human rights.

Well done, OP.

me4real · 25/06/2021 01:00

Wow, just read your update. Well done for blocking him.

TheDuchessOfBeddington · 25/06/2021 02:22

Well done OP. Flowers