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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD wants boob Job

182 replies

Neapolitanicecream · 23/06/2021 21:51

DD is 19 years old, very upset at being flat chested and is wanting implants. She is pretty but is only focusing on this issue she can’t afford it anyway, but is thinking of a loan cries about it. Any advice WWYD ?

OP posts:
aiwblam · 24/06/2021 00:13

I would try to get her to love her body how it is. Small boobs are perfect. Loads of people hate bigger boobs. It’s just our awful objectification culture that makes people think they all need to look the same. It’s sick that we live in a society where people want to literally chop their bodies to fit in.

elliejjtiny · 24/06/2021 00:20

I would encourage her to wait. I was an A cup at 19, 5 years later I was a D cup.

nokia3210567 · 24/06/2021 00:25

I think you have to support her decision but maybe offer to help financially if she agrees to wait a few years?

I hated my small boobs as a teen but I started to love them in my mid twenties as I could wear anythinf I liked and never looked 'bulky' I'm a pear shape. and now I am 30 and had a baby mine are still perky and I still don't need a bra, I am so thankful for my small boobs now!

PickAChew · 24/06/2021 00:36

I had small boobs at 19. They got bigger with each pregnancy.

PickAChew · 24/06/2021 00:37

Currently 32GG.

UselessMickey · 24/06/2021 00:38

Look up the hashtag breastimplantillness on instagram. (Also google search)

I naively got implants at the age of 20 and they absolutely made me ill. A long journey of multiple corrective surgeries followed and I finally had an explant 2 years ago and have had the health issues go away. You can message me (or she can) for any details and info as it is a subject I am very familiar with :)

stopgap · 24/06/2021 01:29

I have two friends who are planning explant surgeries in the next year. Both have been riddled with chronic health issues since getting implants.

I’m not opposed to plastic surgery—I’ve had a rhinoplasty—but these health issues relating to implants are far from isolated cases.

groovergirl · 24/06/2021 02:10

I strongly suggest your DD waits until her 20s. I was quite petite until 23, when I had to move into a 12C bra. The female body keeps growing and widening, notably in the early to mid 20s. (Oh, and again during menopause; I'm now 12D with more front than Bondi Beach.)

Your DD sounds slender and elegant. Tell her to look at the top fashion models of the '60s and '70s and enjoy what she has right now, because it is likely to change as she heads towards 25. If she wants a different silhouette, a padded bra will do the trick without need for expensive, invasive and possibly complicated surgery.

mamafromthedeepsouth · 24/06/2021 02:43

This reply has been deleted

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1forAll74 · 24/06/2021 03:54

I wouldn't support this at her age no way.

ShennaIsAPrawnCracker · 24/06/2021 08:02

Hello. I had a boob job when I was in my late 20's. My only regret afterwards was I hadn't done it sooner. My main issue/concern prior was how pear shaped I was and how clothes fitted. No matter how fit I got, or slim I became, or how much weight I put on, I was always that pear shape! Anyway, that was why I wanted one - to fit I to dresses better. Might be shallow, but I'm very happy.

Prior to the surgery however, I did lots of research. Decided on a a specific surgeon I wanted and met with him first. I liked that he was honest and explained he could offer 2 sizes to achieve the look I wanted - but the bigger would look more like a boob job. I went for the smaller. I never wanted children anyway so breastfeeding was not a concern. I also had to seriously weigh up the potential for anything going wrong. The main issue on the forums I was following was 'capsular contraction' - I accepted this may happen, because how they felt/looked like when I was naked wasn't my concern. It was how I looked and felt IN clothes!

With her being so young, and currently not being able to afford it, perhaps you could discuss her saving up and working on her self esteem in the meantime. It may be she changes her mind by the time she has the money.

Also suggest she checks out 'boob or bust' on facebook - it's amazing what a well fitting bra can do.

baldafrique · 24/06/2021 08:03

If it bothers her that much then why not?!

RubyFowler · 24/06/2021 08:09

I had one in my early twenties, had replaced about 8 years ago due to contracture of the capsule, and now aged 40 just had them removed completely.
I never regretted it as such, but now looking back I wish I'd just waited a while and I would have been more self confident.
Also, if being completely honest I was pressured into it by a boyfriend at the time which is also different to what your DD is saying.

baldafrique · 24/06/2021 08:13

@Crimblecrumble1990
Agree 100%. I was a 30AA - no breast tissue AT ALL - nipples on ribs - and very curvy lower half with big bum and thighs and hips. Got a boob job to take me to a 30C. Some women really do have no breast tissue rather than wanting to look "sexy" ffs.

Isolatingperhaps · 24/06/2021 08:20

I would dissuade her against getting a loan, but you could talk to her about saving for it and doing some talk therapy in the meantime to make sure she’s making the right decision?

I don’t blame you for wanting to discourage her, though.

My best friend used to want a boob job when we were young, she never got one, and is now VERY glad - when you get older, your breasts change anyway, especially after having babies. (Also my friend was able to wear a lot of clothes that people with big boobs can’t.)

Watch Normal People together, that actress has small boobs and she looks amazing!

purplemunkey · 24/06/2021 08:36

I think it’s a bit young, but if she still wants it at 23 then she should probably look at it more seriously. I’m another one who developed more in my early 20s, was a 34A in my late teens growing to 34DD during my uni years. That’s why I think 19 might be a bit young. I also think there’s still a lot of maturing to do at that age.

But I had two friends have boob jobs in mid/late 20s. Same reason as your DD by the sounds of it, both were flat chested. They went for natural looking B or C cups, it absolutely wasn’t to look ‘sexy’ or ‘porny’. If you didn’t know them before you’d never know they’d had it done. Both seemed happy with their choice.

OrangeRug · 24/06/2021 08:52

@minipie

Honestly my view would depend on how flat chested she is. Totally flat like a boy - I might well consider helping if I could. Very small boobs - help her embrace them.
I agree with this. I have A/B cups depending on shop. I hated them when I was younger but I'm 30 now and am perfectly happy with them. They're perky and did the the job when I had a baby.
newnortherner111 · 24/06/2021 08:59

Sad to read of her unhappiness. I'd encourage waiting, the size growth noted of others in their 20s is not unusual and may happen.

romdowa · 24/06/2021 09:05

I'd encourage her to save for them rather than take out a loan and help her research a reputable clinic.

YesEllis · 24/06/2021 09:08

Hi! I had a boob job at 19, same reason was very insecure about being completely flat chested. My only advice is if she wants kids, then just wait. I spent a lot of money and it came with a lot of new found confidence and I don't regret it, but after breastfeeding they don't exactly look like what I paid for and I wish I'd waited until after kids. Just food for thought.

YesEllis · 24/06/2021 09:09

Also I would highly recommend MYA Cosmetic Surgery, I had a great experience and will likely go back there when I'm done having kids to have them fixed again. I asked for a very natural boob job, I went for a AA to a C so nothing crazy and the people I have told couldn't believe they are fake.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 24/06/2021 09:15

*But at a guess she's in proportion to her body shape and size, they suit her, and therefore she is the only one noticing or caring (other than the occasional misogynistic/abusive bloke who she doesn't want in her life anyway and who would make shitty comments on her body whatever she looked like).

Clothes hang nicely on her, she doesn't have health problems or back pain*

...that's some Olympic-standard guessing.

ukplayinggermanynext · 24/06/2021 09:22

NC for this, as identifying. I have a bodily characteristic that clearly sets me apart from others, and isn't considered a positive thing. People refer to me by it ('the girl with [characteristic]), I was given cruel nicknames, and when I was younger, complete strangers in the street even regularly approached me to suggest I have surgery for it. It is funny. Some people hardly notice it, for others it is all they can see.

It can be operated on, but as with all procedures, it entails risk and no guarantee of a desired outcome. I looked into it when I was around your daughter's age, but decided against operating for the potential risks involved, and as there was no medical need to have anything done (it is purely cosmetic).

It wasn't easy, but I eventually gained a confidence that was not based in the slightest on what others (and men in particular) thought of my looks. Things have turned out well. I have been together for years now with a wonderful (and handsome) man. I do lots of public speaking and even the odd tv appearance. It hasn't held me back in the slightest.

I doubt your daughter receives as much derision for her breasts as I did at that age for my characteristic. But in case she feels that way, I hope she can learn to see her breasts the way I see my characteristic: as a good compass to get rid of superficial men and women who don't value her for all that she truly is. What I long saw as a punishment, turned out over the years to be a blessing in disguise.

In hindsight, I am so happy I did not let myself be pressured by external expectations into an operation that would change something fundamental about me. This doesn't mean she should not consider a boob job ever. I just hope she learns to embrace her breasts first, and see herself as the complete and valuable person she is, and not just judge herself by her cup-size. She can then take a considered decision out of a position of strength, instead of one of insecurity.

ExcellentSquiggles · 24/06/2021 09:26

I was very skinny and pretty much flat chested when I was a teenager. I was very jealous of my larger chested sibling and I read a lot of women’s magazines and thoughht I was “pear shaped” despite having a BMI of 16/17. I was desperate for a boob job even though I was very ungirly I just really felt like I stood out and looked weird.

I never had the money when I was really young and at some point it slowly faded in importance.

I’m now I’m my 30’s and my bmi is closer to 21. My boobs are bigger but still small but now I can see I was flat chested back then because I was stick thin and my shape wasn’t apple it was bloody celery!

I looked totally in proportion and not weird at all. What a shame to be so miserable when I looked fantastic.

I sometimes wish I could wear certain dresses etc and I do sometimes feel self conscious but I am glad I didn’t have surgery. I’d hate to be worried that my implants no longer looked right with the figure I have now or had gone “strange” with age as some do.

What really helped me in my early 20’s was finding fashion that suited me. In my teens I wore baggy clothes because I was so self conscious but when I went to uni I started to wear things that flattered me I got loads of compliments and my confidence grew. Can you help your daughter with that aspect?

Blossomtoes · 24/06/2021 09:27

Show her all the recent coverage of women whose health has suffered horribly as a result of their implants. Just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should.