AIBU to feel so upset

[Skyblu]

My 19yr old son has refused his Covid vaccine. I feel so upset.
His father & I both have underlying illnesses and were in the shield group. His father is more at risk than me. With only 40% lung capacity, we prepared ourselves that Covid would probably have killed him (seen him on a ventilator at least!). We have both now had 2 jabs.
My parents are in their late 70’s and vulnerable, my brothers family have asthma, my brother-in-law has collapsed lung. All ‘vulnerable’, all had two jabs.

My son thinks it’s enough that we have all had our jabs, so he doesn’t need to and that it’s his decision. Which I know it is. I just can’t understand his mentality and am beyond hurt that he doesn’t want to do whatever he can to protect his loved ones.

I feel disappointed and let down by him and that his attitude is selfish. He’s not basing his opinions on fact, he’s listened to scaremongering amongst mates (& hates injections), that’s all.

We are all a close family and I am so embarrassed to tell them that he has decided not to have the vaccine but equally I cannot live with myself by not telling them and having everyone mix with my son. I know they’ve all been jabbed but just ‘what if’ my son bought it n and one of the vulnerable people got really sick? How do you live with that?

I’d have had my right hand chopped off if it had meant protecting my Grandma (when she was alive!). Why won’t my son do the same to protect his own Grandpa who he is that close to??

I can’t stop crying about it. Feel so hurt. And I know this is the end of my extended family as this is not going to go down well. ( My brother will hit the roof and this will cause huge arguments). But I feel obliged to tell them so they have the choice as to mix with him or not.

I know the anti-backers will come on and say it’s his choice....I know it is. I just thought I’d raised my son to be less selfish and care for his family.

[quote Sugarplumfairy65]@Northernshepherd

"I know that’s worse case scenario - but it’s a real scenario. It’s happened in thousands of other families so could happen in mine"

Is that true though?? That thousands of people have died from covid AFTER having both doses of the vaccine.

Yes, its true.
Many people with certain medical conditions, the main one being a blood cancer, have discovered that the vaccine offers them little or no protection against Covid. There are currently 220,000 people in the UK with a blood cancer[/quote]
From googling, I can see evidence of the vaccine being less effective at conferring protection in people with blood cancer; I still can't see anything that confirms "thousands have died" after both doses. Can anyone provide a link?

@fungussingstheblues the fact that you think all MN users live in the UK is much more telling than my not being familiar with statistic websites outside of my own country. Maybe step out of your conspiracy bubble every once and while.

@CaptSkippy apologies for that. I did make an assumption about where you were based.

But can you explain how posting links to official government websites of the UK and the USA equals a conspiracy? Are you saying the stats on there are wrong?

I’d be livid - his education has failed him. Yanbu

Stop listening to all the media rubbish. You have had the vaccine you will be fine doesnt matter what he does. You are getting upset for no reason

[quote fungussingstheblues]@CaptSkippy apologies for that. I did make an assumption about where you were based.

But can you explain how posting links to official government websites of the UK and the USA equals a conspiracy? Are you saying the stats on there are wrong?[/quote]
I wasn't referring to the link. I was referring to your suggesting that they hide the data.

@CaptSkippy Are the growing numbers of adverse reactions to the vaccine/deaths shortly afterwards common knowledge? No. Why not? Because the information is kept quiet. I didn't say "hidden". Some of it in the public domain, but you have to go looking for it on websites – it's not wheeled out daily on primetime TV as the Covid case numbers, hospitalisations and deaths have been for well over a year now. Where's the balance? Why can't we hear both sides of the story and make up our own minds?

Ah it's a tough situation but at the end of the day it is indeed his body his choice. At his age I would have probably been the same tbh. If you are vaccinated and his dad and grandparents are vaccinated then that minimises any potential risks. This whole covid thing has been tough on everyone, but when you are young you kind of only live for a week or month ahead and think you are invincible. Young ones lost so much of their lives over the last year and they cant be forced to have a vaccine if they don't want to have it. I am having similar issues in my house at the minute but I am playing it cool and offering gentle encouragement. One of mine however is just adamant they are not getting it full stop. I have to respect that. It was my decision to take a vaccine. It is their decision not to take it. I love them far far too much to let it come between us and cause a rift.

*With only 40% lung capacity, we prepared ourselves that Covid would probably have killed him (seen him on a ventilator at least!). We have both now had 2 jabs.
My parents are in their late 70’s and vulnerable, my brothers family have asthma, my brother-in-law has collapsed lung. All ‘vulnerable’, *

so even with all those health issues you and your family got through the Covid crisis at its height and survived it. Now you've all had your two jabs the chances of you all still surviving it are even greater.

Is your family going to question everyone they come into contact with to check who is vaccinated ? I don't think so.

Please don't fall out with your son over this. And please please do NOT allow your brother to hit the roof and cause a huge argument over this.

Being vaccinated against Covid is a choice, not compulsory.

Tread carefully OP.

If I were your son you’d be on very, very thin ice right now.

Yanbu.

He’s scared and has filled his head with crap online, which is giving him excuses to justify his behaviour to himself,when really he’s just scared and trying to exert control over one of the few things he can control.

He’s not going to have many travel options with no vaccine, but he doesn’t sound ready to listen to reason. Hopefully as time goes on and his fear calms down he’ll see that he’s being dumb.

A lot of people don’t understand how this works. They think if someone had a vaccine then they’re protected. I’m not sure they understand what statistics like “60% effective” mean.

My GS lived with us during the last lockdown and the rules were no meeting up with anyone, when he was allowed back to school he had to wash and change clothes as soon as he came in. We told him he was welcome to stay, we loved having him, but granddad is vulnerable and thems the rules. He's 16 and happily went along with it as he understood the consequences

Good on your grandson. I imagine OP's son has been doing the same for well over a year, considering the delicate state of his father's health. But nobody is giving him credit for what is a huge sacrifice.

My GS lived with us during the last lockdown and the rules were no meeting up with anyone, when he was allowed back to school he had to wash and change clothes as soon as he came in. We told him he was welcome to stay, we loved having him, but granddad is vulnerable and thems the rules. He's 16 and happily went along with it as he understood the consequences

Yes, that’s sensible. But I imagine grandad is now fully vaccinated so this would now be moot. Yes, you can still catch it after being vaccinated but should not become seriously ill or hospitalised, vulnerable or not and this has been the point of vaccination.

What on earth? You are forcing him to have a vaccine he doesn’t want . This person is just as much part of you family as the rest of them. I had my first vaccine and can’t have my second one does that mean you’d kick me out of your house. How utterly shameful. He has as much right to a choice as you do. You need to respect it. I hope for his sake he moves out and cuts you all off. Disgusting. I have family in their 70s with conditions and thank god they understand. I’m not an anti Vaxxer but if I didn’t have a medical condition myself I wouldn’t have had it as there is no information on how it effects fertility so me now it would be a no .

@Coyoacan

My GS lived with us during the last lockdown and the rules were no meeting up with anyone, when he was allowed back to school he had to wash and change clothes as soon as he came in. We told him he was welcome to stay, we loved having him, but granddad is vulnerable and thems the rules. He's 16 and happily went along with it as he understood the consequences

Good on your grandson. I imagine OP's son has been doing the same for well over a year, considering the delicate state of his father's health. But nobody is giving him credit for what is a huge sacrifice.

It is good if he has been careful to protect his dad but now he can do something quite simple to protect him further and he doesn't want to. Well it is fair enough that he doesn't want the jab but not fair to expect dad to just accept that. People are still getting covid after the jabs and some are still dying. Don't you think the dad as a right to protect himself?

@HoppingPavlova

My GS lived with us during the last lockdown and the rules were no meeting up with anyone, when he was allowed back to school he had to wash and change clothes as soon as he came in. We told him he was welcome to stay, we loved having him, but granddad is vulnerable and thems the rules. He's 16 and happily went along with it as he understood the consequences

Yes, that’s sensible. But I imagine grandad is now fully vaccinated so this would now be moot. Yes, you can still catch it after being vaccinated but should not become seriously ill or hospitalised, vulnerable or not and this has been the point of vaccination.

People have died after the vaccine, far fewer thank heavens but nothing is 100%. GS is too young to get the jab at the moment and we he can have it I will respect his choice but I might say we can't see him in the house, would be heartbreaking but who want's to play Russian Roulette?

It is good if he has been careful to protect his dad but now he can do something quite simple to protect him further and he doesn't want to. Well it is fair enough that he doesn't want the jab but not fair to expect dad to just accept that. People are still getting covid after the jabs and some are still dying. Don't you think the dad as a right to protect himself?

Well said, I totally agree.

@Skysblue

Yanbu.

He’s scared and has filled his head with crap online, which is giving him excuses to justify his behaviour to himself,when really he’s just scared and trying to exert control over one of the few things he can control.

He’s not going to have many travel options with no vaccine, but he doesn’t sound ready to listen to reason. Hopefully as time goes on and his fear calms down he’ll see that he’s being dumb.

A lot of people don’t understand how this works. They think if someone had a vaccine then they’re protected. I’m not sure they understand what statistics like “60% effective” mean.

Of course they know what 60% effective means. They're able to put that in the context of taking other precautions, covid rates in their area and have made the decision that they're at a level of risk they are happy with, without cutting off family members who haven't been vaccinated.

People have died after the vaccine, far fewer thank heavens but nothing is 100%. GS is too young to get the jab at the moment and we he can have it I will respect his choice but I might say we can't see him in the house, would be heartbreaking but who want's to play Russian Roulette?

What are your stats on that? Not an anecdote about your butchers next door neighbour but stats of fully vaxed people dying in the UK. If I had an mRNA I wouldn’t be concerned at all.

A lot of people don’t understand how this works. They think if someone had a vaccine then they’re protected. I’m not sure they understand what statistics like “60% effective” mean

I understand how this works, it’s pretty much my bread and butter. Which vaccines are 60% effective. I understand efficacy differs against variants but we have vaccines that are effective against current variants and the idea is that boosters will keep on top of anything emerging. Again, it’s easier to tweak this with the mRNA but at present the others are adequate.