AIBU to feel so upset

[Skyblu]

My 19yr old son has refused his Covid vaccine. I feel so upset.
His father & I both have underlying illnesses and were in the shield group. His father is more at risk than me. With only 40% lung capacity, we prepared ourselves that Covid would probably have killed him (seen him on a ventilator at least!). We have both now had 2 jabs.
My parents are in their late 70’s and vulnerable, my brothers family have asthma, my brother-in-law has collapsed lung. All ‘vulnerable’, all had two jabs.

My son thinks it’s enough that we have all had our jabs, so he doesn’t need to and that it’s his decision. Which I know it is. I just can’t understand his mentality and am beyond hurt that he doesn’t want to do whatever he can to protect his loved ones.

I feel disappointed and let down by him and that his attitude is selfish. He’s not basing his opinions on fact, he’s listened to scaremongering amongst mates (& hates injections), that’s all.

We are all a close family and I am so embarrassed to tell them that he has decided not to have the vaccine but equally I cannot live with myself by not telling them and having everyone mix with my son. I know they’ve all been jabbed but just ‘what if’ my son bought it n and one of the vulnerable people got really sick? How do you live with that?

I’d have had my right hand chopped off if it had meant protecting my Grandma (when she was alive!). Why won’t my son do the same to protect his own Grandpa who he is that close to??

I can’t stop crying about it. Feel so hurt. And I know this is the end of my extended family as this is not going to go down well. ( My brother will hit the roof and this will cause huge arguments). But I feel obliged to tell them so they have the choice as to mix with him or not.

I know the anti-backers will come on and say it’s his choice....I know it is. I just thought I’d raised my son to be less selfish and care for his family.

You are definitely being very unreasonable to try and force your child to take a vaccine! It's his body his choice. You say you have already had yours so if you are confident it works then surely you are safe?! Teenagers and young children are not at risk from the virus so I agree he is right not to take it especially since we dont know the long term effects of it. How would you feel if he gave in to you pressuring him to have it then god forbid died after from a bloot clot or any of the other nasty clauses effects?!

*side effects

I left home at 15. My mum is a rampant anti-vaxxer/modern medicine denier and a pretty toxic person to boot. She made my childhood an absolute misery by refusing to treat any illness or even believe in any illness we had.

Anyway, I left home, got all my jabs, delighted to get both Covid jabs, very grateful for the powers of modern medicine. Would be so, so disappointed if my child refused the vaccine. Even my stupid mother has had the vaccine (her GP came round to her house and she was persuaded to have it as my dad is extremely vulnerable. She's a bit less virulently anti-medicine these days though still not keen).

Don't know what my point is here, really, other than, yes, it's his body but I'd be gutted if my kid turned out to be stupid enough to reject science and that must be tough to deal with.

@mangojango

Not everything is about you! What if he genuinely thought it would harm him? His body. His choice.

If you're vaccinated, you're protected.

You really need to check your boundaries.

It's a dangerous, slippery slope to try and get everyone to take a vaccine (even if they don't want it).

Say you really didn't agree with a vaccine in the future and someone forced you to have it or guilt trip you. How would you feel?

And no, I'm not anti vaxx and yes I've had the vaccine. I'm pro freedom.

The vaccine is not 100% effective. My mum is shielding due to the Delta variant, despite being fully vaccinated.

@Skyblu

He told me he’d move out if necessary! (He has nowhere to go and doesn’t earn enough to support himself fully like that yet). He’s just being so immature!

I discussed with my husband whether we should threaten that...it’s not ideal, but not ruled out yet either.

I would. Love my kids, would do anything I can for them but if they want to be all grown up and make this sort of decision then they have to deal with the outcome.

My GS lived with us during the last lockdown and the rules were no meeting up with anyone, when he was allowed back to school he had to wash and change clothes as soon as he came in. We told him he was welcome to stay, we loved having him, but granddad is vulnerable and thems the rules. He's 16 and happily went along with it as he understood the consequences.

@Ilovechinese

You are definitely being very unreasonable to try and force your child to take a vaccine! It's his body his choice. You say you have already had yours so if you are confident it works then surely you are safe?! Teenagers and young children are not at risk from the virus so I agree he is right not to take it especially since we dont know the long term effects of it. How would you feel if he gave in to you pressuring him to have it then god forbid died after from a bloot clot or any of the other nasty clauses effects?!

He is a risk to his vulnerable parent, of course he doesn't have to have it but his parents don't have to have the risk. There seems much more risk of his father dying if he brings it home than him dying of the jab. How do you think he'll feel if he literally kills his dad?

@fungussingstheblues

How is he going to kill his grandparents if they've been double jabbed? You must think the vaccine doesn't actually work – are you a vaccine sceptic, then?

And it's selfish of YOU to require a young person to take an injection with absolutely no way of knowing what the long term effects might be. Can you guarantee his fertility in ten years' time?

Honestly, your hyperbole and hysterics are way over the top. He's not going to kill anyone. Still interested in your link to the evidence of thousands of double-jabbed people dying after contact with an unvaccinated person.

No vaccine is 100% effective.

I find this uncomfortable reading. You say he is selfish not getting a jab to protect others, but isn’t expecting the young and healthy to get a vaccine they don’t want or need in order to protect others pretty selfish too?

I have had my vaccine but honestly, if I hadn’t had my kids yet, I would have been very reluctant. I may be wrong, but I don’t see how they can know the effects on fertility yet. I fear that I will soon be expected to consent to my children being vaccinated and frankly, I don’t want them to have it. I’m not an anti vaxxer, they’ve had all their jabs and boosters, even paid for extra ones, but I am very apprehensive about the way these vaccines have been rolled out so fast, with side effects emerging as we go. Yes, they’re necessary for the vulnerable, but not everyone is vulnerable.

Your son’s age group has given up so much for others already. And they keep being asked to do their bit again. Sounds selfish to me.

@AngeIinaBaIIerina

Shame on you OP for trying to pressure him in this way. Young people are extremely low risk and should not be forced into getting a vaccine for herd immunity.

Yeah, they should be patted on the head for their stupidity and selfishness and then given ice-cream if they do manage to kill their grandparents.

For him to actually KILL one of his grandparents, the vaccine would need to be not so much "not 100% effective", but actively useless.

I don't see much in the media encouraging people to step up and take their actively useless vaccine, do you?

That was to @ancientgran - quote didn't work on my phone...

No vaccine ever works a 100%. There is never ZERO risk, therefore it's important to get as many people as possible vaccinated so everyone can be as safe as possible, especially those who due to certain medical issues cannot be vaccinated at all or who are too young.

Not to get vaccinated when you can is extremely selfish. Virusses mute, especially when they keep going around the world like COVID is.

I think an important clue here is that 'he hates vaccinations'.

There is a strong chance that he is actually v scared of the vaccine - of needles and of the medical procedure. But it is v hard for young men to admit to being scared of something - they feel macho. So they just say 'I don't need it'.

can you talk gently & find out if he has a real vaccine phobia? He may need support & help. Telling him he is an idiot or cutting him out won't help.

@captskippy, there's also not zero risk of not suffering serious side effects from the vaccine. Have you looked at the Yellow Card reporting on the government's website?
For many, it's a risk/benefit thing. For me, I believe the risk of taking the vaccine is greater than the risk of Covid to me as well as the risk to others who are vaccinated of me passing it on.
It's a considered opinion arrived at after months of reading and research.

Tell him either have the jab or find somewhere else to live. I wouldn't have any time for this nonsense.

I can't actually believe some of the responses on this thread such as the above.

So you would tell your child to leave the family home because he chooses not to have a vaccine? Is this what we've come to?

God, project fear really has done its job hasn't it?!

Jesus wept.

His views are just based on his own inner thinking, and not about any factsregarding Covid. Lots of people have this mindset.Maybe it's his fear about the jab and needles that is overriding everything, that makes him not even like to talk about covid or even open any Nhs letters etc, and he is just blanking everything out about Covid, and making up his own excuses to not think about Covid at all.

I don't suppose he took any notice about the hospital programmes on tv, in the early days of the pandemic,when scenes of hundreds of people were on ventilators for weeks, and to realise that a little painless jab is a million times better than anything like this.

@Doublestar

Tell him either have the jab or find somewhere else to live. I wouldn't have any time for this nonsense.

I can't actually believe some of the responses on this thread such as the above.

So you would tell your child to leave the family home because he chooses not to have a vaccine? Is this what we've come to?

God, project fear really has done its job hasn't it?!

Jesus wept.

How disproportionate a response is it, if your health is such that getting Covid would mean you likely dying, like OPs husband? People seem to get so wrapped up in their own belief that people are worrying over nothing that they don't seem to be able to see it from the point of view of the people that are particularly vulnerable to it. Saying a 19 year old, who is old enough to move out (and also in the age group currently quite likely to get it), will need to do so if they won't take the available steps to safeguard that vulnerable adult, seems to me to be an entirely appropriate response.

My DS21 has booked his jab as soon as he could. But then he doesn’t read conspiracy theory garbage.
If he was like the OPs son he would now be working out how to get the £5k I contribute to his univ maintenance as I would not be paying it for someone who has so little consideration for other people and the rest of society in general. How hard is it for people to understand that in order to protect society we need as many people as possible to be vaccinated? It’s two injections with usually only very minor side effects if any for most.
And I would most definitely be telling vulnerable relatives that my son has not had it. They need to know.

[quote fungussingstheblues]@captskippy, there's also not zero risk of not suffering serious side effects from the vaccine. Have you looked at the Yellow Card reporting on the government's website?
For many, it's a risk/benefit thing. For me, I believe the risk of taking the vaccine is greater than the risk of Covid to me as well as the risk to others who are vaccinated of me passing it on.
It's a considered opinion arrived at after months of reading and research. [/quote]
Which government?

The risks of side-effects are much lower than the risk of COVID and the risks of side-effects are for yourself alone. The risk of covid is not just for you, but also the people in your environment or the people in their environment. Infection goes on and on and on and might in the end circle back to you again. Side-effects stop with individuals.

Is it possible that you could find a role model outside the family that he would listen to? I think the at that age, listening to Mum is not really cool, but a great musician or sports star might have a lot more influence.

I remember my brother at that age, and that last thing on earth he would have done was modify his behaviour to accommodate our Mum's opinion. The opposite if anything. But if doing something showed that he was a rebel, or independent then that was a different matter.

I bet he'd take it from a trip abroad.

@Northernshepherd

"I know that’s worse case scenario - but it’s a real scenario. It’s happened in thousands of other families so could happen in mine"

Is that true though?? That thousands of people have died from covid AFTER having both doses of the vaccine.

Yes, its true.
Many people with certain medical conditions, the main one being a blood cancer, have discovered that the vaccine offers them little or no protection against Covid. There are currently 220,000 people in the UK with a blood cancer

I think we have the 2 groups the wrong way round, between conspiracists and pro-vaxxers?
Shouldn't it be the pro-vaxxers, who are queueing to be injected with an experimental drug = conspiracists?
Non vaxxers who are simply biding their time = possible future vaxxers?

@CaptSkippy the UK government: www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-covid-19-vaccine-adverse-reactions/coronavirus-vaccine-summary-of-yellow-card-reporting

Just the fact that you haven't actually heard of Yellow Card reporting is telling. How on earth are people expected to make an informed decision about the vaccine if adverse effects are kept so deliberately quiet?

CDC in the States have also just released statistics on the risk of myocarditis/pericarditis (heart inflammation) after vaccination. The observed cases as compared to expected is striking –and look at the 18-24 male age group, OP, they seem to be the most at risk –233 cases of this following the 2nd dose of the vaccine. (see attached and the full report is here: www.cdc.gov/vaccines/acip/meetings/downloads/slides-2021-06/03-COVID-Shimabukuro-508.pdf)

I'm not saying "Vaccine terrible, Covid trivial", not at all. I'm saying we need to stop being fed The Only Way Is Vaccine and allowing people to make their own decisions based on their age and health. Instead, debate is being shut down by hysterical black and white opinions like upthread "If he won't get the jab, throw him out of his home." FGS!

Also, Skippy, you said "The risks of side-effects are much lower than the risk of COVID" –that's something that just can't be relied upon when you're talking about different age groups if and until governments decide to be more transparent about side effect risk. But you're presenting it as a fact.

Haha, @Tiari, exactly!