AIBU to feel so upset

[Skyblu]

My 19yr old son has refused his Covid vaccine. I feel so upset.
His father & I both have underlying illnesses and were in the shield group. His father is more at risk than me. With only 40% lung capacity, we prepared ourselves that Covid would probably have killed him (seen him on a ventilator at least!). We have both now had 2 jabs.
My parents are in their late 70’s and vulnerable, my brothers family have asthma, my brother-in-law has collapsed lung. All ‘vulnerable’, all had two jabs.

My son thinks it’s enough that we have all had our jabs, so he doesn’t need to and that it’s his decision. Which I know it is. I just can’t understand his mentality and am beyond hurt that he doesn’t want to do whatever he can to protect his loved ones.

I feel disappointed and let down by him and that his attitude is selfish. He’s not basing his opinions on fact, he’s listened to scaremongering amongst mates (& hates injections), that’s all.

We are all a close family and I am so embarrassed to tell them that he has decided not to have the vaccine but equally I cannot live with myself by not telling them and having everyone mix with my son. I know they’ve all been jabbed but just ‘what if’ my son bought it n and one of the vulnerable people got really sick? How do you live with that?

I’d have had my right hand chopped off if it had meant protecting my Grandma (when she was alive!). Why won’t my son do the same to protect his own Grandpa who he is that close to??

I can’t stop crying about it. Feel so hurt. And I know this is the end of my extended family as this is not going to go down well. ( My brother will hit the roof and this will cause huge arguments). But I feel obliged to tell them so they have the choice as to mix with him or not.

I know the anti-backers will come on and say it’s his choice....I know it is. I just thought I’d raised my son to be less selfish and care for his family.

I am very much pro vaccine. Was desperate for mine, really excited to finally have the first dose (waiting for second).

But it is his choice. You need to stop bullying him and emotionally blackmailing him into something he doesn't want to do!
The vulnerable members of your family have had two doses - this is wonderful.

Right now, the risk of your behaviour permanently destroying your relationship with your son is far greater than the risk of any of you becoming seriously unwell with covid.

He doesn't have to declare private medical information to everyone either. He should continue to follow all rules, isolate if he has symptoms etc but YABU here.

@Skyblu

jelly tumble

He doesn’t have to, you’re right. But I’m not going to sit back and let him mix with the people I love and care about in this world knowing his putting them in danger when they are completely unaware.
I won’t allow that, so yes, under my rules, he does at least need to tell them.

No, he doesn’t need to tell them.

You can tell them, as you seem perfectly happy to breach his medical confidentially, but he doesn’t have to nor should he. It’s none of their business.

Like I said, I’m not anti-vaccine and have had both jabs, but the state of fear that has been created over what is essentially the flu for the overwhelming majority of the population is insane. It’s turned rational human beings into petrified followers.

I don't blame you for feeling upset about it. My DF has COPD and we found out when he caught the flu and spent 10 days on a ventilator at the age of 54. I haven't seen him since COVID started and won't see him until after I've had my second vaccine. It was a really scary time and I'd be terrified of unwittingly passing Covid on to him. The vaccine isn't 100% effective but it's a lot more effective than nothing.

@HopelessBlue192

What an utter load of bo//@€%$!!! Thanks to the likes of you, dangerous lies are spread that end up costing people their lives! I hope you're ashamed of yourself and your complete lack of understanding of anything remotely scientific.

Not a vaccine because it's less than 3 years old! Now I've heard it all!

You’re over-reacting. All the vulnerable people in the family have been vaccinated. One 19 year old in the family not being vaccinated is such a tiny increase in risk to himself or any of the rest of you, it’s not worth all this palaver.

@Itsstartingtorainout

Your son is an adult, what medical treatments he chooses to accept are up to him. You have both been vaccinated, so if what we are told is true, you should be protected.

Correct. You sound overbearing as a family

The coercion and threats made towards people in order to get them to have the vaccine, are totally unethical. Nobody can given informed consent under pressure. Good for him to stand his ground.

@HopelessBlue192
Very well said

As much as I get your upset I don’t like your trying to force him to tell others or guilting him into it. 19 year old me (and actually much much older me to an extent) would have become even more stubborn and determined not to if I was met with that response.

All you can do is tell him your disappointed but that you respect it’s his decision to make.

I'm confused by this.

The point of the vaccine is to prevent yourself from getting seriously ill from Covid. You can still contract it (though hopefully in a much milder form/symptomless) and then pass it on...

If you are double jabbed and the rest of your family are then you/they are in no more danger of catching Covid from your son than from each other.

The risk of not having a jab is on your son who is the one who could still get a more serious reaction from the virus. At least this is how I understood it.

The big drive in wanting everyone to have the vaccine is so that we don't get seriously ill people in hospital. I'm jabbed and hope that my family and friends get jabbed but for their benefit, not mine!

[quote Tiari]**@HopelessBlue192
Very well said[/quote]
Really??? 😂

@LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus

The coercion and threats made towards people in order to get them to have the vaccine, are totally unethical. Nobody can given informed consent under pressure. Good for him to stand his ground.

That would be a strong argument if he was making any level of effort to be informed. It's the fact that he isn't that makes this so selfish.

Coronawireless
Thank you so much for the insult.
Have a lovely day.

f you are double jabbed and the rest of your family are then you/they are in no more danger of catching Covid from your son than from each other.

But he is more likely to catch it and bring it into the house, therefore it does increase the chance of them catching it because no vaccine is 100% effective. It may only be a low risk but it’s higher than it would be if he was vaccinated

aSofaNearYou

Exactly! I’d give his decision more respect if it was based on his own research or facts that he’d found or string beliefs. But it’s based on the “ooo, I’m not having that, we don’t know what’s in it. Hate needles. Government are trying to control us.” type comments from ‘mates’ that also have not done their own research.

Sirzy

Exactly that.

@Skyblu I so feel for you! I’ve been shielding and was so relieved to get my jabs and fortunately both my children who are a similar age to your son have been happy to have the jab for the sake of me and also their vulnerable grandparents. We’ve talked about how they would feel if they unknowingly passed it on to me or their grandparents, or any other vulnerable members of society.

Also, to those who think the the young don’t need it because they will be fine, my daughter has unfortunately just got Covid and, despite already having one jab, she is suffering with it. We are just hoping she doesn't suffer with long Covid.

You are not unreasonable to feel upset but you are blowing the situation out of proportion a bit.

Its not surprising considering we have had COVID in our faces for the last year and however many months and we absolutely shouldn't be naive to the risks to some but you have all had your second jab. I really don't think it isworth damaging your relationship with your son over this.

But he's not going to pass it onto you because you've both had your vaccinations. So you have nothing to worry about. If he gets it, he'll either won't know or get it mildly providing he's healthy. You have nothing to worry about. Its his body so his choice. This vaccination is new so he's probably worried about possible side affects e.g. fertility. I don't want my children to have it for that reason. I'm not anti vaccination, just more cautious of new ones. My colleague was booked for a thymidimide convention 17 years ago. She was shocked at the amount of adults there, who had been affected by their mother's morning sickness pills. All these peoples mothers were assured this new medicine was safe. It was not, at all. It was a supposed "safe" trial. I would much rather look at the after affects and studies, then make my decision. I don't trust what doctors recommend unless I see studies and statistics. I would leave your son alone and let him make his own decision. Your anger with him comes from fear, that is unnecessary.

I think he has made the wrong decision regarding the vaccine but that is his choice. Of course you can choose whether he stays living with you but in my opinion that's extreme.

He does not need to tell anyone whether he's had it or not (unless required for travel or employment). He does not have to divulge his medical history to anyone and you shouldn't be doing it on his behalf.

Ultimately we don't know who has been vaccinated or not (and there's no way of knowing if they're telling the truth that they've had it) so all we can do is do our best to keep ourselves safe.

I find it interesting that many of the same posters crying out “his body his choice” are equally critical towards parents who refuse to let their children have the MMR because “they’re being selfish and putting others at risk - not just their own children.”

Choosing not to have the vaccine doesn’t just put him at risk, it puts other people at risk. Those people who for genuine reasons can’t have the vaccine. But hey his body his choice and who cares who else might die in the process eh?

I have no qualms about telling someone who refuses to have the vaccine just because they don’t want it that they’re a selfish twat. Yep, his body his choice, my opinion, my choice to voice it.

So for me he could choose not to have the vaccine, but that means that I will choose to tell him exactly what I think of that choice.

Admirable my arse.

My 18 year old was actually first vaccinated in February because he went with me to my appointment and we asked if there were any spare so he was vaccinated and then fully vaccinated along with me in April. His fellow college students have now all booked their vaccines in the past few days.

And yes, I think it’s perfectly ok to prevent foreign travel or even refuse to employ people who have not been vaccinated, or if you employ them put a clause in their contract saying they will not be entitled to paid sick leave should they fall ill with COVID given they have chosen not to be vaccinated.

Start leaving tin foil hats around for him to find, in his bed, by his toothbrush if his friends come round hand them out like party hats

@Skyblu

aSofaNearYou

Exactly! I’d give his decision more respect if it was based on his own research or facts that he’d found or string beliefs. But it’s based on the “ooo, I’m not having that, we don’t know what’s in it. Hate needles. Government are trying to control us.” type comments from ‘mates’ that also have not done their own research.

I think I would be tackling this with him whether he likes it or not. If he still lives at home with you, I would be sitting him down and telling him he WILL listen to what are saying about his lack of research and listening. To clarify, not ordering him to get the vaccine, but telling him exactly why his attitude around it has been disappointing.

If he still wants to not get it after giving it proper consideration and engaging with the reality, then so be it. But if he's living under your roof, he needs to show you some respect and have that conversation.