To put my baby in nursery when I’m off work?

[Babymeanswashing]

I am a teacher, and will be working full time from September.

Nursery have offered two options. One is pay for term time only. DH wants to go down this road.

Second option is to pay 50% fees in school holidays, meaning baby can go 50% of the time.

I’d like to go for the second option, even though it’s more expensive. It would just give me a chance to get stuff done!

What would you do? I don’t think either of us are unreasonable, but I’m wondering what the consensus is.

Do the 50%.

Two advantages. No need to resettle and you'll have time to do your lesson prep and catch up on jobs in the holidays.

I think many people misunderstand the nature of teaching as a job. School hours are really only half the workload. My mother was a teacher. She never switched off. She had work to do most evenings (marking, lesson prep etc.) and she spent a good chunk of the holidays lesson planning and catching up on things. Better to have your child in nursery being properly cared for and stimulated then in front of the TV while you're trying to work. We were older and more self-sufficient when my mother went into teaching, but we were left to our own devices for large chunks of time (which you can't do with little ones, obviously).

Great point Re life admin. If my daughter didn't go to nursery some days during the holidays I would struggle to figure out how to get mot done, eye tests, dentists etc. If you've got the option and you want to, I'd go for it.

I would go 50% option. They would still be in nursery the same time, or perhaps even less, than those whose parents are not teachers and only get normal holidays

@Babymeanswashing

Ugggghhh with the dumping in nursery comments … if you just feel like that why comment!?

“I didn’t have kids to …” is such a stupid thing to say. I’m sorry, but it is. I had a child because I wanted a family. Simple as. Part of that is providing for my family. Going to work does that.

Then why ask AIBU if you only want to hear from people who agree with you?

I’d absolutely go for the 50% option - I have managed to take off one or two days a year with the kids in childcare/school, and those days are blissful! I love my kids but wanting a bit of time to yourself to either get jobs done or just chill out does not make you a bad mum!
Also I agree with all those saying S 6 week break will be really hard for the little one having to resettle afterwards, for continuity sake I would send them at least 1 day a week in the holidays if you can.

Because I didn’t say ‘AIBU to put my baby in nursery ever?’ I asked if I was being unreasonable to use the nursery half of the time when I am at home.

Happy to hear ‘I would keep baby with me.’

Not happy to hear ‘I didn’t have kids to dump them in nursery and stayed home until they were 5.’

HTH

Ugggghhh with the dumping in nursery comments … if you just feel like that why comment!?

“I didn’t have kids to …” is such a stupid thing to say. I’m sorry, but it is. I had a child because I wanted a family. Simple as. Part of that is providing for my family. Going to work does that.
Yes going to work does that. There's a difference in my opinion between using childcare to go to work, and choosing to put a baby in childcare for an extra month and a half a year (which is what half the school holidays is) because a parent wants some time to themselves to do things.

FWIW, DC are in nursery so I have no objection to nurseries. We chose term time because school holidays are for time with DC.

My kids are 3 & 4, I work 4 days but they go to nursery for the morning on my day off, giving me a bit of time to myself once a week. It’s a god send. Also don’t have any family support to take them for a couple of hours ever, so this is all we get.
I would definitely keep them in over the holidays, but as pp said maybe just a couple of mornings a week if that was an option?

Yes but lola quite a few posters have come on to simply say that I’m being unreasonable just to use a nursery at all, which isn’t what I’m asking.

I mean, thinking about it, is a one year old really going to be happier in a dentist waiting room or hospital or hair salon than in nursery? I’m not trying to be combative but I’m surprised that such black and white views have been expressed.

No harm at all in keeping the little one in nursery (say) 2 days per week during the school holidays.

Keeps their routine in place, so they arent shocked when they go back to full time after the long summer break.

Means if you and dh fancy a day off together he can book 1 annual leave day on a day you are already off.

You can do planning and prep for the school year ahead if needs be.

The big shop and big clean can be done each week making life more enjoyable for everyone for the remaining 5 days oer week.

I think maybe some of the replies here don't understand that you pretty much have to get all your life admin done during the holidays as you can't book a leave day for, for example, getting the MOT done. It's just the rhythm of the year is different when you've got fixed holidays and I can see why OP would need a day or two a week to do life stuff when she can, never mind the work she will have to do in the holidays. She'll get more prep done if her DC goes to nursery one day than if she tries to squeeze it all in as and when.

@LolaSmiles don’t guilt other women. ‘School holidays are for time with DC’. It’s great if you don’t ever need any time to yourself and it works for you.
Other people have no family support and want to be able to have their own hobbies/ time to get things done that the children won’t enjoy being dragged along to.
I know my kids prefer to go to nursery an extra morning than get dragged to my doctors appointment/vet appointment/ etc

My partner is a teacher and works all the way through "school holidays" anyway!

I'd go for your second option and use the time for all the things that take up your time and attention attention you're supposedly having having day off with your baby, and use the time for yourself. That way when you are off, having got stuff out of the way, you can devote yourself properly to playing and concentrating on baby if that's what you want to do.

I think a lot of people are going 'oh, I take a day or two off a year for personal time, so 50% sounds fine' without realising that rather than 2 days, we are talking about 40ish days. That's not booking a hairdresser appointment territory (which most of us don't have the time to book off, and go for evenings and weekends anyway).

I don't think it makes her an bad mother or anything, but I find the 'when else would I do Christmas shopping' etc to be a little odd - you go after work, or at the weekend, or online. Especially when kids get to school age, it often takes both parents using their full annual leave seperatly to cover the time. There's often barely enough time to overlap for a holiday, let alone book lots (or any) personal time off.

Some occasional days for continuity, recuperation etc, which is what most people have experience of, is very different from 6-7 weeks of it.

That’s the problem. I’m not necessarily envisioning two and a half full days but just two shorter days a week! We have no support at all - I don’t have parents I can get to help for instance.

My DD is at nursery 4 days a week 8:30-5pm.

It does make me a little sad, I am looking to reduce how much she goes to nursery soon but it’s difficult as she’s only 18months, communication is still iffy, she’s pushing and finding boundaries.. so it’s quite tough for me at the moment. I totally get where you’re coming from. Plus- if you feel it’s not right for you, you can always reduce?

I dont think either of you are being unreasonable here .As a Teacher ,you would have work to prepare and mark and so on .If you want to have 50% and maybe as you say have a slightly shorter day ,then I wouldnt feel guilty .Is DH prepared to look after babe while you get stuff done ? If not then I would go ahead .

Babymeanswashing
Some people can be funny about working parents, but I do think others genuinely find it hard to get their head around choosing to have children and then opting to put them in nursery young when a parent is around.

If it helps, we had the option of year round or term time. Going to nursery for half the school holidays is over a month and a half each year. In my opinion that's a huge percentage of their early years to give up when a parent is at home. Most of the discussions about doing this try to argue that it's better for the toddler to be at nursery than be in the supermarket/doing errands etc, but they're little sponges. They enjoy spending time with us. I can't work out whether this better put them in nursery is a hang up from maternity leaves where seemingly babies need every damn class and there's mummies endlessly talking about baby massage, singing class, baby yoga etc, or whether it's parents not wanting to say they don't want the hassle of taking their kid to the shop.

Our nursery allows parents who have term time contracts to have ad hoc days for consistency during the holidays but we have to slot in when there is space. I don't do it during half terms, but find a day at Easter and a couple in the summer holidays works well. Could you ask if your nursery has a similar option?

Well yeah that was a for instance baby

It’s things like -

Exercise
Catching up with friends
School planning and prep and marking
Car MOT (although tbf DH would probably help out there)
Dentist
Hair

I’m sure there are other examples but you get the idea.

Nursery isn’t open at Christmas so it’s perhaps two days for three half teens (six) possibly five at Easter, then maybe seven days over the long summer holiday as we’d probably have a two week holiday in that period anyway. So no idea where you’re getting forty days from?

50%.
I ended up using my three days of childcare in half term (my twins do 3 days at nursery as they get 30 hours) for report writing and housework! However it meant that on my days with them, we could go out for the day and I didn’t have to think about work and could fully focus on them!

To be honest lola if you’re going to judge me for doing things for my baby then we won’t see eye to eye. I don’t mean that rudely but it’s how it is.

Baby loves the weekly Sainsbury’s trip, thoroughly enjoys a walk in the woods, gets plenty out of sitting in a cafe for a short while. But that’s right now. I don’t think a one year old will sit quite as placidly!

I would do the 50% for sure. It’ll be too confusing and unsettling for your child to have 6 weeks at home and then have to readjust to nursery. Plus there’s nothing wrong with having time to yourself to get things done- especially as a teacher with planning to do

Thinking about it I’d probably be expected to be in school over Easter anyway.

I’m also a teacher and planning on keeping 13 month old baby at nursery over summer as she’s only just settled in. I’ll probably take her out in the afternoons a few times a week but otherwise like you, nothing would ever be done in terms of jobs around the house. It’s a very personal choice you’ll have to be happy with. As seen on here, some are adamantly against it and others say go for it. Yes I like spending time with my child but I’m not just a mother; it’s only part of who I am so I make sure that I have time to also be ‘me’. At the end of the day, baby is securely attached to me as I spent an entire year with her and I don’t think staying at nursery will harm her. I feels it’s important she forms strong bonds with other people especially after the isolation of lockdown. I say go for it- but make sure you are happy with the choice. Don’t feel pressured into doing something that’s not right for both you and baby. Happy mummy= happy baby. X

Many (most?) Children really enjoy and get a lot out of nursery. It's not like you're putting her in prison! It's a benefit for your LO as well as you