To put my baby in nursery when I’m off work?

[Babymeanswashing]

I am a teacher, and will be working full time from September.

Nursery have offered two options. One is pay for term time only. DH wants to go down this road.

Second option is to pay 50% fees in school holidays, meaning baby can go 50% of the time.

I’d like to go for the second option, even though it’s more expensive. It would just give me a chance to get stuff done!

What would you do? I don’t think either of us are unreasonable, but I’m wondering what the consensus is.

If you can comfortably afford it I’d do it. My work pattern was different but I sometimes used annual leave days on our childminder days to have a day or two to catch up on errands or just have some time to myself.

There are a lot of factors to consider (how much support you have generally, how ‘easy’ your dc is etc.) but it’s absolutely not a bad thing to recognise that you’re juggling a lot and find ways to ease that. You’re not a donkey, you don’t have to do things the hard way and certainly not at the expense of your stamina.

I have found time to be one of the most precious commodities in parenting and if you have a way to gain more go for it. It means when you do have your dc the time isn’t spent cramming in everything else that has to be done.

I'd do 50%, nothing to feel guilty for imo

I'd go with the 50% out of teen time option.

My DD is in nursery while I work and I take a good few days holiday a year where I still take her to nursery for the day. So I can get stuff done, have a day out, or even just chill in peace. That time to myself is so important and means that on the days I'm with her I'm able to enjoy it a bit more.

That said our fees mean I'd be paying for that day regardless of whether I sent her in.

I'm assuming your DP will use some of his holiday on days while DC is at nursery, and therefore get days to himself. So the alternative is that you tell you DP that you'll go with the time only option but he'll have to take 5-10 days off in the holidays to look after DC so that you can have those days child free.

Absolutely take the 50% option.
If you have another little one you’ll be glad of the rest.

Our DD goes two days a week each holiday to keep her in the routine as she struggles to resettle if she doesn't, found that out the hard way. But she gets dropped off as normal and then picked up before their tea instead of after as she does during work time.
We pay AYR though, no other choice, so although it's not financially sensible having the flexibility to pick which two days she goes from the five we've paid for (in advance of course, we don't just surprise the nursery) is really useful as appointments etc don't have to sit on just those two days.

Do they ever do ad hoc days as an option? I think it's good to put them in one day a week at least when they are little - even after a 2 week holiday mine were difficult going back and took a few days to resettle so I think 6 weeks with no nursery will make the start of term time a bit tricky

Personally I would do term time only, they are only young for such a short time you need to treasure those memories. Kids can be left to amuse themselves whilst you "get stuff done" (assuming no serious sn). Summer is great, parks etc everyday (puddle suit if needed). I miss those days

DS was in and out of nursery because of the covid closures and he had to resettle each time. He's only just now properly happy to be back. I'd have him in some of the holidays so he doesn't need to start all over again.

God I’m a SAHM and have 2 child free days a week, go for it!

@theworks

Not martyrs, I didn't have kids to dump them in nursery if I wasn't working, I stayed home until youngest was in school for that reason.

I would go term time only as I miss my baby like crazy when I'm at work. It's hard sometimes but can't your husband take him for a few hours sometimes so you can get things done.
I just think time flies by so quickly when they're little.

I have to have a full time nursery contract anyway, there is no option at my daughters nursery, but she has really enjoyed going in during the week during the summer holidays especially as she has her little friends there. I don't always send her in but when I do I can do work, or meet a friend 😱, or get housework done which never gets done because I work full time

We chose term time for nursery, and then add in a couple of ad hoc days on the bigger holidays for consistency.
The idea of sending DC away so I can spend 50% of my holidays alone doesn't sit well with me.

Could you go for term time but maybe pay for an extra day a week in the holidays? I completely understand needing a break but 50% seems like a lot!

These are the same people who are still breastfeeding at two years old, still don't have a child who sleeps through the night at four years old and wonder why they are emotionally and physically exhausted. And probably don't work full time either.

My 4 year old doesn't sleep through the night and I do work full time with 5 month old twins 🤔

I also wouldn't put any of them in during "holidays" otherwise I'd wonder what was the point in having them.....you can have a break when they are teenagers and start having their own lives/independence

I’d do 50%. Better continuity for the child, time for you to regroup abs prepare for a crazy job. Just because you’re paying for it doesn’t mean you have to use it every day. Also, every teacher I know does some work during the holidays.

I presume you will have planning to do for work during the holidays - so some extra days would be good - plus not having to resettle baby in after a long absence.

Is there an option to pay for extra days rather than 50% of the holidays. This could be a good compromise?

@motogogo

Personally I would do term time only, they are only young for such a short time you need to treasure those memories. Kids can be left to amuse themselves whilst you "get stuff done" (assuming no serious sn). Summer is great, parks etc everyday (puddle suit if needed). I miss those days

Blimey, I want your children if they can be safely and happily left alone while you to get stuff done!

My 18month old injures herself or goes berserk within 2 minutes of me being more than 2 metres away from her.

I know every child is different. But OP is just returning to work after mat leave, so I assume her DC is under 1 and probably can't be left alone for that long. I suppose there's nap times, but only if you've been blessed with a good napped.

ivfgottwins
It's sadly common on here for anyone who suggests parents actually want to spend time with their children must be some sort of permissive, over attached, breastfeeding til 7, bedsharing until teens, over emotional mummy martyr.

It says a lot about how dominant the idea of babies/children needing to be as little inconvenience as possible is in the UK.

@Babyboomtastic that is the point... it works for you but OP wants the time off which she is well justified in having and fortunate to do so if they can afford it. She still has lots more time with her child as they would be in a max of 50% of the time.

I do wonder if the roles were reversed if OP's DH was the teacher if he would be opting for the 50% option too...

I’m a teacher. I’d do the 50%. Presumably she doesn’t have to go the full 50% eg if you were going away on holiday for a week, but the option is there. For teachers it’s really hard to get “life admin” done in term time such as dentist appointments, DIY etc as you can’t book a day’s annual leave when you fancy/need. Yes the length of holidays is great, but there’s no flexibility.

When I went back to work after having my first DD, she did 4 mornings a week at nursery. There was no term time only option at that nursery so she still went- and still woke up at 6.30am as obviously toddlers have no concept of a lie in so I’d drop her off at 7.30am as normal, she’d have her breakfast there, play with her friends, do activities, painting, sand and water etc and I’d pick her up at 12 noon. Sometimes after dropping her off I’d go home and go back to bed for a couple of hours! Sometimes I’d have a bath, get housework done, go to the shops or meet a friend for a child free coffee.
If we had a holiday booked or day out planned obviously she didn’t go.
Another benefit as others have said is keeping in routine and keeping her in touch with the staff and the setting so it’s not unsettling going back.
There were only 2 summers like that as once she was 3yo she went to school nursery so is now with me all holidays anyway! I’m currently on maternity leave with DD2 and the nursery I’m looking at does offer term time places but with flexible booking through the holidays, and I think that’s what I’ll do.

Ugggghhh with the dumping in nursery comments … if you just feel like that why comment!?

“I didn’t have kids to …” is such a stupid thing to say. I’m sorry, but it is. I had a child because I wanted a family. Simple as. Part of that is providing for my family. Going to work does that.

How much support do you have outside of nursery and husband?

My partner and I have no local family so use nursery for our childcare. So I work full time but take the odd day off but still put my child into nursery and enjoy a complete day off that I wouldn't get otherwise. Or I can do my appointments such as hair cuts etc without it impeding on our weekends

Ie I don't have grand parents locally taking my children off for the weekend.

I am currently on mat leave with baby 2 and my 1st son is going 50%. I felt huge guilt till I found out other people send them full time!

Do what is right for you

I’m not a teacher but work closely with teachers. Take the 50% option. Your dc will keep their connection with their carers and peers in the nursery so both your lives will be better over the entire year rather having to resettle come September. You will have a chance to recuperate and get errands done and dc will not have disruption to their life.

That it, little

It’s the dentist and the hairdresser and any Christmas shopping and so on. Plus gives me a bit of time to recharge god forbid!