To put my baby in nursery when I’m off work?

[Babymeanswashing]

I am a teacher, and will be working full time from September.

Nursery have offered two options. One is pay for term time only. DH wants to go down this road.

Second option is to pay 50% fees in school holidays, meaning baby can go 50% of the time.

I’d like to go for the second option, even though it’s more expensive. It would just give me a chance to get stuff done!

What would you do? I don’t think either of us are unreasonable, but I’m wondering what the consensus is.

YANBU. You will have schoolwork to do in the holidays and are also entitled to some me time. You say your DH is in favour of the first option. Presumably in that case he will be taking some AL in holidays to help out?

I'd love to have school holiday allowance and I'd love to have my DD all that time

You don't even need to train as a teacher to get that six weeks off. You too can talk to your employer about taking six weeks unpaid extra leave each year.

@C8H10N4O2

I'd love to have school holiday allowance and I'd love to have my DD all that time

You don't even need to train as a teacher to get that six weeks off. You too can talk to your employer about taking six weeks unpaid extra leave each year.

🙌

Go with the 50 percent. The socialization is good for your child and you'll be more productive.

@Babymeanswashing

I don’t consider it luck, I chose to train as a teacher. You can do that too.

I was about to say the same. Luck has nothing to do with it.

@MondeoFan

For me personally I wouldn't do it but I guess 1 day a week or 1 day here and there wouldn't harm. I hate to think of her there whilst you're at home

Why? The child isn't a barnacle.

Developing her own life and routine is healthy!

I would definitely keep them in half the time. It will stop them feeling out of it when they go back and gives you a break. She is there all the rest of the year, it’s a familiar part of her routine.

Also, it’s half a week (2/3 days) at their nursery, it’s not like the baby is being packed off to boarding school with 1 day off for Christmas.

Just do what works for your family! Having more time so you can have a break and not be trying to shoehorn everything around the baby sounds sensible to me and allows for more quality time when she's not in nursery.

I love my dc more than anything.

But I'd choose number 2!

I think from the child's perspective they still have that routine too. Then on your days with dc you don't feel you must attend all the baby groups as they've had plenty going on at nursery.

I had a long time off between moving jobs but kept mine at nursery for both our sakes!

For me personally I wouldn't do it but I guess 1 day a week or 1 day here and there wouldn't harm. I hate to think of her there whilst you're at home

Do you? You don’t know the OP’s child. And believe it or not nurseries aren’t workhouses.

I suspect what you mean is ‘I hate to think of a woman at home enjoying some time to herself while her child is at nursery.’

I think ultimately do whatever works best for you and your family.
Personally I really dislike nurseries, I worked in a few pre-uni and just don't think they are good for babies and under 3's. Babies and toddlers don't need socialising, they need attachment to a primary
caregiver in particular in the first two years. I get that isn't always possible and parents need to work, I also agree it's important for women to keep working and have security. My dh and me had to swap around a lot as we don't have family support and money absolutely took a hit but they are all in school we are both working more hours again. My experience of many nurseries was not positive, even in the better ones the dcs seemed so bored, in the same room for long stretches of time, major lack of outdoors and so limited with the same outdoor space everyday, everything so regimented and lacking that tactilness that comes with being with a parent that loves them. That's MY opinion though and not an attack whatsoever, it's my experience. I get that loads don't have a choice. So in that case if I didn't have to have them in a nursery when I wasn't working I wouldn't.

And just like to stress I think its so so important for each parent to get downtime. My dh and I often swap over at weekends or on holidays, we run, we go away and sleep for a night or two, we give each other half days at the weekends to do our hobbies or sit around watching Netflix or whatever. So it is not about being a mummy martyr!

@C8H10N4O2

I'd love to have school holiday allowance and I'd love to have my DD all that time

You don't even need to train as a teacher to get that six weeks off. You too can talk to your employer about taking six weeks unpaid extra leave each year.

🏆

How does your child get the best of you and what is the best way for your child to spend their days. Also, how can you be the best you for you, your partner, extended family and friends.

I am still on mat leave but have chosen the start my baby at nursery 2 days a week from 10 months moving to full time when I return to work at 12 months. I am so glad I did, we are only a few weeks in she has only managed 2 full days for her first week since then she hasn't due to various nursery lurghies.

I have had severe pnd and with an horrendous personal situation(s) to contented with I am depleted of all energy and those two days or however much of them I get have been brilliant allowing me to brush my hair and have a shower, do a food ship. It's great for my little one too, she is very clingy at home. I struggle to put her down to put the kettle on but she is loving nursery! The other 5 days a week she gets a slightly more rested mummy who can run around with her, isn't on the brink of tears all the time and isn't wondering how to carry a baby and two bags of washing up the stairs.

I would start with the option you can afford that gives you flexibility. If you find actually I don't think I need those extra days or I think they would handle the return no problem further down the line you can drop back to term time only. It depends on the nursery but you will possibly find it is easier to drop down allocated time rather than realising you can't get everything done and you need some extra time but the nursery doesn't have the capacity.

I was always looked after by my parents or family. My mum worked nights my dad worked days so they crossed paths as they switched. My mum picked my dad up from work and he dropped her off at her job on the drive home. Then my dad took a job oversees and mum started day shifts working either 7am til 1 or 1 till 9pm and some days both shifts so 7am until 9pm. Being dragged out of the house in our PJ's and dropped off at relatives falling asleep their and being carried to the car asleep to go home. We spent our days watching westerns and snooker. It was an interesting childhood but I can't say being looked after by family is so magically better than nursery!!

I hate to think of her there whilst you're at home

Dramatic much?

100% do the 50%. Teachers work ludicrously hard- you need a break in the holidays for the sake of your own mental health! Then you can be a more refreshed, enthusiastic mum when your dc is at home.

There seems to be a lot of jealousy toward teacher holidays as always here... if you're jealous- train to be a teacher (and see how you like it! )

Teacher here who sends her child a couple of days a week in the holiday. He needs to the consistency as settling him after a long break is hard. I need the time to catch up on work. Husband works Saturdays so only time I can do hair cut etc, I always have work to do and I’m so exhausted by the term time working such long hours that I sometimes need a break to avoid complete burn out! I love spending time with my child but actually this means the time I spend with him is quality time. Each to their own, whatever makes your family happy but the judgement is ridiculous. Why are women always bottom of the pile in a family, and why are some people so keen to put them there?

I hate to think of her there whilst you're at home

One of the worst takes I’ve seen on here I think. Quit the virtue signalling. You don’t know the OP so stop pretending you care so much about her child.

@Ahnowcomon

I think ultimately do whatever works best for you and your family. Personally I really dislike nurseries, I worked in a few pre-uni and just don't think they are good for babies and under 3's. Babies and toddlers don't need socialising, they need attachment to a primary caregiver in particular in the first two years. I get that isn't always possible and parents need to work, I also agree it's important for women to keep working and have security. My dh and me had to swap around a lot as we don't have family support and money absolutely took a hit but they are all in school we are both working more hours again. My experience of many nurseries was not positive, even in the better ones the dcs seemed so bored, in the same room for long stretches of time, major lack of outdoors and so limited with the same outdoor space everyday, everything so regimented and lacking that tactilness that comes with being with a parent that loves them. That's MY opinion though and not an attack whatsoever, it's my experience. I get that loads don't have a choice. So in that case if I didn't have to have them in a nursery when I wasn't working I wouldn't.

I often think it would be good for a parent to see what actually happens on a day to day basis in a nursery, and as someone who’s worked with ex-nursery workers, I agree. As another pp nursery worker said upthread, let’s not pretend that all babies love nursery and are so much better there than additional days with their primary carer(s).

As for the OP I’d go for the second option so the baby isn’t unsettled by a return after the summer holidays, given that they are likely to prefer being at home. I can’t help thinking that if you pay for a service, there’s a great temptation to use it so I suspect all 50% will in fact be used.......

Anyway, OP, all these are MN opinions: some you like because they agree with yours, others you don’t because they challenge yours. That’s fine, it’s a discussion forum but ultimately it’s your opinion , your decision and your life. You’ll do what you want to do, which is fair. Anonymous pp on a forum don’t matter

I would absolutely do the 50:50 if I were you. My kid benefits lots from getting 100% of my attention 50% of the time, as compared to 50% of my attention 100% of the time.
I love em to bits but would find it way too boring to be with them the whole time - plus you’ve loads of work to do. I’m a less good parent when I’m with them full time. And teaching is tough stuff. You deserve a break in the hols.

Don’t worry too much about what you read here. Do what will work for you and DON’T FEEL GUILTY. The shorter days thing sounds ideal.

I'm a teacher. My one year old goes all year round. Enjoy it before they start school I say. You need time to yourself. :)

Plus my toddler LOVES nursery so I never feel bad about him going.

Same situation and position as you but have chosen the term-time only option. I know that there is a lot of work to do in the holidays, but I choose to do it in the evenings instead when he's in bed - it is exhausting though! But I figure he's only this little once and want to make the most of it!

I'm a teacher (3 days a week) and during school holidays my DS continues to go 2 days a week instead of his usual 3. It means that he benefits from the continuity and I get any jobs/planning done so that I can give him my full attention on the other days. It also means that if I fancy socialising (I know how dare I?!) during my time off work I can without having to sort out additional childcare!