To put my baby in nursery when I’m off work?

[Babymeanswashing]

I am a teacher, and will be working full time from September.

Nursery have offered two options. One is pay for term time only. DH wants to go down this road.

Second option is to pay 50% fees in school holidays, meaning baby can go 50% of the time.

I’d like to go for the second option, even though it’s more expensive. It would just give me a chance to get stuff done!

What would you do? I don’t think either of us are unreasonable, but I’m wondering what the consensus is.

I'm no mathematician but last time I checked 2 wasn't half of 7.
When you have to exaggerate massively to prove a point, you don't have one
Given we are talking about nursery days, it's fairly clear this is the working week.

DifferentHair
That's why I think it's worth asking if there is a middle ground between paying for 50% childcare to put DC in 2 days a week through the holidays and paying only term time only.

Many nurseries in my area are quite willing to do that and it works well as long as the parents are willing to put their ad hoc days in around where there's gaps. It also works out cheaper over the year.

@Babymeanswashing

lola I’ve literally broken it down up the thread! If I didn’t know your name I’d seriously think you were just trolling, tbh.

OP, you have asked for opinions. I don't think this poster is presenting her opinion in an unreasonable or unkind way. It is the truth that there will be plenty of parents who feel the same way.

My opinion is quite similar. However, having read the thread, I do see the sense in keeping some continuity for your baby. Another poster pointed out that it should, in an ideal world, be focused on your baby and their needs, if possible. So it may well be in your baby's best interests to keep some routine going if they are enjoying nursery, to avoid the distress of stopping/starting. However, if they don't seem overly happy, more time with you in the holidays is an advantage that many working parents don't have. On balance, I'd say pay for the 50%, so it's not ruled out as an option, but carefully monitor how it is used.

Id love to know how many people giving op a hard time send their kids to summer schemes?

Also a teacher and my ds is currently in crèche . We don't have a term time option but I have given notice to withdraw him from next week when the summer holidays begin. He's only been at crèche a year due to COVID as before that my mum minded him while we worked. When he started I said no way was he going to crèche when we were off ... then it took weeks for him to go in without crying. October half term got extended to 2 weeks - he stayed home for the first week , he went in the last 3 days of the second week my thoughts being long enough for him to get used to it again before going back to work - he cried every morning for 10 days. Only to then have the bubble close for 2 weeks due to positive case 🙈
Christmas the nursery was closed anyway for 10 days and we took him out a few days before that when we finished.
Feb half term and Easter we ended up sending him half the time but shorter days and the reason being is I didn't want to see him go back to being so upset leaving to go in after a longer break.

I'm a bit unsure that we have made the right decision to end his nursery time altogether at the end of June if I'm honest. Once he's in the routine of going he enjoys it with his friends. I'm 34 weeks pregnant and have hospital appts every 2 weeks minimum. And due to this and the increasing covid numbers we will be sticking to only outdoor activities. So maybe I should have kept him in for a few days a week. But we wanted him home to do things with us during the summer. And he starts preschool in September so it's going to be a different bunch of staff and kids anyway but I am worried about how he's going to settle in as he's somewhat of a sticking plaster to me especially if we have all been home for a while.

So I don't think there's necessarily any right or wrong answer. You got to judge it yourself. If you were saying your were going to keep them going to nursery 730-630 each day while you were at home I'd not necessarily agree but to use nursery a couple of days a week for half a day to get a haircut, clean the bathroom or prep for new school year is fair enough I think especially if your lo would benefit from continuity of routines.

The working week is utterly irrelevant when it working. Dc will have 5 days with mum vs 2 at nursery. Again stop altering the facts to fit your narrative

@LolaSmiles if that's an option I think it's a good one.

The odd day off is wonderful and useful but (ducking for cover) I admit I do think 2 days a week is a bit self indulgent.

I'm not sure why you're getting a hard time on this thread OP. 50% of the time is what, 2-3 days a week in the school holidays? That means you still have at least 2 days during the week plus weekends to spend with your child. Sounds like a great balance. And on those days you can concentrate on spending time with your child rather than stressing over work that you need to do and house stuff. Some babies and toddlers are very difficult to do jobs around!

Absolutely go for the 50% if you can afford it and it works for your family. Plus I agree with previous posters who have said that taking a young child out of nursery for 6 weeks can be very unsettling for them. DS2 is now 3 and I'm not looking forward to him being out of preschool over the holidays for this reason but they only offer term time hours, although now I think he's just about old enough for it not to be too bad.

I'm not a teacher but I bet your working pattern is full on term time. I have at least 2 friends who actually gave up teaching altogether when they had children because they found it difficult to juggle it all. I take my hat off to the teachers at my DS1's school who teach full time and have young kids of their own too. People suggesting that parents should work in the evening assume that all young children go to bed at 7pm, my children often don't go to sleep until 9pm because they just aren't tired and by then I'm too tired myself to carry on working.

It's not a race to the bottom. Just because other people don't have time for hobbies, life admin, and are behind with their own work because of childcare, doesn't mean you have to be. And I say this as a single parent btw.

DifferentHair
I only found out about it as an option because one of my friends mentioned their nursery did it, and then the nursery staff asked me a fortnight before the holidays if I wanted any additional days because they were about to do the rota. When I was on maternity leave and researching nurseries I had no idea it was an option.

I did this. I have multiple chronic health problems and took days to rest and have a bit of me time. Happy mum and all that!

Genuinely can’t believe people are suggesting 2 days a week is too much.

I’m so glad I actually take time for myself and don’t think like this.

There's no right or wrong. But if you do chose term time, you can still get stuff done when she is napping or gets a bit more independent. My DS is playing quite happily on his own right now while I have a coffee, he's 12m. (Wait, should I be getting stuff done right now?)

@ivfgottwins so op shouldn't have 9-3 'off' because basically you're jealous you can't?

That's bonkers I can only assume sleep deprivation or similar is getting to you.

Teachers have planning and prep etc to do in holidays and honestly I think it would be disruptive for little one to go term time only. They will be more settled to keep going.

Also you can do all chores etc while they're at nursery which makes them quicker anyway and then the time you spend with them can be way more focused on fun activities.
Surely if you keep them at home the time with them will be diluted anyway by you needing to clean up/do laundry and prep etc

I hate the generalisation on here that every baby loves nursery. I work in a nursery and honestly some do nothing but cry from the moment they come in whilst others run through the door and can't wait to come in.
Sorry if it's of topic but I think that's a big factor to consider in regards to how much you put your DC in nursery.

Sorry I want to revise my response,

Personally I wouldn't do it.

BUT:

• My job isn't emotionally taxing
• I'm in good health
• My husband is an engaged parent and real partner

If any of these things weren't true id think it was a good idea to have 'days off'. I'm sure there are lots of other reasons why it would make sense to people.

But if my reasons were just I wanted 'me time' to do my Christmas shopping or start a hobby or get my hair done- I don't think it's fair to the baby and I'd prioritise their benefit in having more time with their primary attachment figure over the benefit I'd get from 'me time'. Again, assuming I was coping.

@Ineedtogotobednowplease

Go for the 50% option OP. You need and deserve a break too.

Don't listen to people on here saying you're guilty for wanting a break. These are the same people who are still breastfeeding at two years old, still don't have a child who sleeps through the night at four years old and wonder why they are emotionally and physically exhausted. And probably don't work full time either.

Nope I don't breastfeed my one year old and he sleeps through the night so I'm afraid you are totally wrong. Am I tired? Of course, show me a parent who isn't. If you or OP want to put their child in nursery when off work that's your (their) choice but no need to make silly comments about those who do things differently

Do the 50% option. Non-teachers have the option of booking holidays throughout the year and have a choice whether to keep baby in nursery or not (granted they would need to pay either way), so would be nice for you to have some time to yourself too. Plus it will be better continuity for baby.

Also relevant in this situation, is how much 'me time' does OP's DH get?

If my partner had two or three days a week swanning about while I worked to pay for nursery, I'm not sure id be too happy about it.

However if OP's husband is off golfing or cycling every weekend then he can't really complain that she's taking some time as well

Agree that you should absolutely do 50% for both the benefit of the baby AND you.

But will add that it does annoy me when a DH is all like, "well no, we shouldn't pay for childcare when you can do it instead during your time off." because when do you actually then get some time off? I'm sure the argument is that you're off for SOOOO many weeks, but we all know that teachers ARE still working during holiday time (I'm guessing especially half terms etc). And I'd be shocked if a husband would be happy to use all 20-25 days of his annual leave to be with the baby 24/7?

So you put the baby in childcare and use some of that time to do the work you'll need to do to prepare for the following year and some of that time to do the family admin that won't otherwise get done and then there might be a bit left for you to use to do stuff for yourself. And this means that when your DH is on leave, you're far less likely to be resentful as he swans off for a golf weekend/sleeps late every day/goes cycling etc.

I’m a teacher. Pay for term time only. He’s goes three days a week. In week holiday he doesn’t go. In two weeks I book two days extra and in 6 weeks he will go two short days a week. I have done this as I want continuity for him and to help keep him in a routine. I feel 6 weeks off is far too long for him and will unsettle him.

I'm a primary teacher and need my children in nurse at least a day a week in the holidays to do schoolwork. I'm at quite a high workload school though.

No one on here would berate the OP for taking 18 days across the year (eg 18 Saturdays out of 52) to persue a hobby.

If a poster came on here and complained that their husband took up a hobby that kept them out of the home for 18 out of 52 Saturdays they would be told they are ridiculous and 18 days a year is nothing- get their own hobby and match the time off by taking the equivalent in Sundays.

But lo and behold a woman uses 18 days a year by herself to make life for the whole family a little easier....

@LolaSmiles

Ugggghhh with the dumping in nursery comments … if you just feel like that why comment!?

“I didn’t have kids to …” is such a stupid thing to say. I’m sorry, but it is. I had a child because I wanted a family. Simple as. Part of that is providing for my family. Going to work does that.
Yes going to work does that. There's a difference in my opinion between using childcare to go to work, and choosing to put a baby in childcare for an extra month and a half a year (which is what half the school holidays is) because a parent wants some time to themselves to do things.

FWIW, DC are in nursery so I have no objection to nurseries. We chose term time because school holidays are for time with DC.

It’s different for teachers. They aren’t allowed to take any holidays during the weekdays for anything except emergencies. Some of the parents at my nursery even need to squeeze in all of their appointments, all of the life admin type tasks, and even ‘non essential’ medical and surgical procedures into their holidays.

If my partner had two or three days a week swanning about while I worked to pay for nursery, I'm not sure id be too happy about it

OP is working, why make assumptions about who pays
She stated quite clearly up thread she wanted to get on with other jobs - house, appts, school work in that time.

Ultimately if she wants a day flat on her back with minions peeling her grapes its up to her. Good luck to her for getting a break. I've never in my life met a father who didn't get time away from the kids "just for him".

I don’t understand the getting stuff done comment? You have one baby it’s really not difficult to do things. Your baby has already been on childcare for long hours in term time. Spend some time with them and get your hair done at the weekend. And yes a baby would rather be with their mum at the dentist than at nursery.

Non-teachers have the option of booking holidays throughout the year and have a choice whether to keep baby in nursery or not

This is a very good point and I think it's being forgotten about by a lot of people on this thread who are probably ones who think that teachers leave at 3.30pm every day and don't do any work after hours.

Yet when a non-teacher posts asking if they are BU for booking a couple of days off now and again while their child is in nursery to have their hair/nails done, do some housework, do Christmas shopping etc the response is often unanimously YANBU.