To put my baby in nursery when I’m off work?

[Babymeanswashing]

I am a teacher, and will be working full time from September.

Nursery have offered two options. One is pay for term time only. DH wants to go down this road.

Second option is to pay 50% fees in school holidays, meaning baby can go 50% of the time.

I’d like to go for the second option, even though it’s more expensive. It would just give me a chance to get stuff done!

What would you do? I don’t think either of us are unreasonable, but I’m wondering what the consensus is.

@Terrazzo

Countless threads on here of women absolutely desperate for a minute to themselves, yet this thread would have you never believing that 😄

Ah, but you see, if they take the time off they've got nothing else to whinge about.

I would go 50% in the holidays. It's not just time for yourself, you can do some extra things for the child, like making homemade food (if you feel any Mum guilt).
But mostly, I'd do this for continuity. My DS is 16 months, and has been in nursery since 7 months old. We put him in then for socialization (early lockdown baby) and to expose him to those coughs and colds that go around (p.s the first 6 weeks can be tough). Now he LOVES his 3 nursery mornings per week (I can flexi-work) and most importantly, he has friends there.
Also, every week my nursery lets me know how he's progressing and what we're working on. It could be language, behaviour, physical movement. We work together and he does so well for having a larger group of adults focusing on him. A 6 week holiday would be a long time out for his routine and external relationships. And he still gets plenty of time with Mummy. In fact, our nursery closes for 2 weeks over Christmas and my 11 month old baby at that time got mightly bored with just Mummy

@Babymeanswashing

But we are both saying we put our kids in nursery in school holidays to get stuff done.

The amounts may be variable but you are still doing exactly what you claim is so awful.

Incidentally before I got this job I was stressing about not getting one and I started a thread under a NC about being a SAHM - I got FLAMED!

You get slated for being a sahm, then you get slated for putting your children in full-time childcare, or for any extra days if they are part-time. You literally cannot win on here.

I'd go for 50%, it is good continuity for your DC, and you get a break and a chance to get things done. I'm definitely a better mother if I have a break sometimes. There is no shame in it.

As a teacher I would never do this. The bonus of my job is that I get to spend the holidays with my kids.

The OP will be spending most of her holidays with her kids.

Univ lecturer (part time) here. I kept both mine in nursery on my usual 3 working days a week through most holidays as it was hard enough settling them back in after a fortnight away on holiday never mind several more weeks. Continuity is important. And like you, there is no way that the staff holiday is all holiday. For me, teaching prep, marking at Christmas and Easter, and research in the summer. If you have no nursery cover other than your teaching weeks you will be trying to juggle prep with childcare.
Ask your DH if he wants to look after your DC all day every time he has any annual leave. Bet he won’t.

I'd 100% send your child to nursery. It's only 50% so you can be with them 50% of the time.

If you've got the option and can afford it then go for it. Your child will have more fun in nursery than accompanying you running the errands you will always need to run. So you can give them 100% of your attention on the days they aren't in nursery. Win win. Don't feel guilty

I also wouldn't pay all that money to work. It's counterproductive. You will need to learn to work smarter with kids.

Do it OP it will save your sanity trying to do school
Prep with a baby is a nightmare and your nights are your time to unwind as much as you can with being a teacher
Hats off to you OP teachers are given a hard time on here just want to say you do an amazing job and are appreciated for what you do
My DD has had a very hard few years personally and the care and support of the teachers have been amazing I will be sad for her to leave that place of caring in July

@DipSwimSwoosh

I also wouldn't pay all that money to work. It's counterproductive. You will need to learn to work smarter with kids.

What does this comment mean?

The OP and her husband are paying for childcare, and I dont think she has said how much they pay.

Some people want to work. So childcare costs is an expected side effect of that.

You will need to learn to work smarter with kids.

What does that mean?

Glad it wasn’t just me lost at that comment

I gave up teaching when I had my little one (crazy commute and just needed a break from that wonderful bit insane profession). But had I stayed I would have done what every other teaching mum I knew did, and keep baby in nursery for some of the holidays!!! My son loves it there, and while I am a mother, I am also other things and have other interests. So I would take the 50% and then use it how you like. Teaching is a gruelling job, and requires a lot of holiday work as well. All the women on here banging on about ‘why did you have children if you don’t want to spend every second with them’ clearly have very little else going on in their lives. If I had had to look after ds full time during holidays I would have had no time to unwind or prep for the next term and would have burnt out, which would do literally no one any good. Go for the 50% and don’t feel a second of guilt. Happy mum, happy baby.

I was a teacher when my ones were little, I would’ve grabbed term time with both hands! I ended up having no option but to pay then have them at home wasting the money.
It’s such a short time, and already working I kept them in school holidays. They grow up and get independent fast, go to clubs etc. It’s not long you have tiny time.
Hair cuts etc I did at the weekend (like most people do) or after school, swam before or after work or weekends. Took baby socialising (it’s good, they grow up learning to play a bit while you chat as it’s normalised from a young age to sit in a cafe quiet or chill while you talk, they don’t grow up into interrupters).
I enjoy having the kids around (but then I acknowledge I had 5, I enjoy them!). I’m no hippy Earth mum either, I’m on mumsnet whilst they mind their own business right now. It’s a horrible fight to always me trying to carve out your ‘me time’ with young kids, it’s never enough and trying to escape never works.

You will need to learn to work smarter with kids

What does that mean?

It usually equates to "I am sooo superior to you and a better mother as well"

Well when I had a clutch of under fives and was working I had childcare and a cleaner and if anyone had told me I should work "smarter" instead of the occasional day with less chaos I'd have pointed them at the nearest sharp point for a swivel.

Do it!

Give yourself a break and get stuff done. We don't all have to be martyrs to motherhood! It will help your baby to have the continuity at nursery, and help you have some time to yourself and be a happier and more relaxed mother. Enjoy!

@Babymeanswashing

kolo yes to all of that but especially d.

In my NCT class, ALL the other women have their mums help for one day a week. I don’t have that option. And I think you don’t either unless you didn’t used to post on TES?

(The above may make no sense!)

Yes - I was on TES, same username . Now obviously wondering who you were on TES!

Absolutely no family help at all. They're all passed away or in another country.

@C8H10N4O2

Using the childcare because you need to work is different. If you have to work you may have no choice but to use it

Why is it different? Because it gives the main carer a bit of time off?

We had no family nearby but one of the striking differences between parents raising children alone and those with family was the extent to which those with family took it for granted and discounted it as help.

No worries about doctor, dentist, odd evening out or even a regular day a week of childcare because a handy DGP or sibling or aunt was around to help. None of this was ever considered to be odd or even an issue.

But a woman paying cash for a bit of time so she can get other jobs done or go to the dentist in peace is somehow immoral.

Absolutely!! It's ok for kids to have sleepovers with grandparents, have days out with aunties, have an evening with family so the parents can go out. I've even known parents send their kids on holiday with relatives. Yet if we don't have access to any of that support, we would be lesser mothers for paying for professionals?

OP, if I were you, I'd do the 50%. Like you say, you may not need to use it all but it's there if you do.

We have no family help and so pay for fulltime childcare all year round, including holidays in case we need to do something other than stare in awe at our children.

I agree with other posters about those that have family help that don't even realise what they have

• I'd love to know what family support all the posters that are berating the OP for daring to do things other than childcare during her annual leave have.

Id do the 50% you don't have to use them all and I've always found my dc liked the continuity. The settling back in was difficult when they were little if they had weeks off

@Airyfairymarybeary - what a horrible comment. Women need to start supporting each other, not this crap.

Pay term time and go down to 2 days at the holidays if your childcare provider would allow this

Well if your DH doesn't want you to use childcare will he be taking A/L so you actually get the occasional break too or to facilitate lesson planning etc? Or will he be doing his fair share of "wife work" (Xmas shopping, home admin, spring cleaning etc) around his full time job?

YNAB. Just because you have a vagina doesn't mean you need to spend every waking hour not working raising children. And if DC is happy and settled at nursery I'm not sure pulling her out and in rather than half time is actually that beneficial. If you're dropping at 9 picking her up at 3ish you'll still spend more than half her waking hours on a nursery day.

I'd definitely book some time off for yourself, don't feel guilty

I'd do the 50%, I think that's such a great offer by the nursery. I love spending time with my kids but I also need time to relax.

The cost is worth it imo, if it was stretching the budget I'd make cut backs elsewhere.