To be really devastated about this

[Pink98]

So I left a job under terrible circumstances a few years ago when I was 18. I got horrendously drunk at a staff party and slept with my much older boss in his 40s.

It was a stupid teenage mistake where I was completely out of it and didn’t know what was going on nor do I remember it happening and it has haunted me ever since. I quit the next day and thought that was the end of it.

I’ve always kept this from my family obviously there’s no need for them to know but my teenage brother has just got a job at this place and I just know that first thing that will happen is everyone at the job will tell him about this incident. It’s an immature and gossipy culture and there’s no way they won’t tell him.

And I feel devastated. Completely horrified that this dirty secret is about to be revealed to my teenage brother. My family want to know why I’m so desperate for him not to take the job and I can’t tell them. I really feel so cut up about this.

Am I being unreasonable to be so upset my secret is about to be found out ? It was a really life defining moment for me and it prompted me to make such a huge changes in my lifestyle.

Please can someone offer a comforting word

@minipie

I would say it’s the 40+ year old boss who ought to be embarrassed. Sleeping with a horrendously drunk 18 year old employee? What a sleaze. Bluntly you were taken advantage of.

This is what I think too.

Wow. There is only one person who should be deeply ashamed of what happened that night, and it’s categorically not you.

You say you were so drunk that you don’t really remember what happened.

How does everyone else know all the details?

Just lie, lie, lie.

@minipie

I would say it’s the 40+ year old boss who ought to be embarrassed. Sleeping with a horrendously drunk 18 year old employee? What a sleaze. Bluntly you were taken advantage of.

Exactly. What a prize wanker. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of OP. He does.

How would the other workers know about it?

The manager is hardly likely to tell anyone, least of all your brother.

Just saw - a family friend? Surely to god not?

the 40+ manager is the one who should be ashamed. It does sound like it would be considered rape today.

This was only a couple of years ago. It was considered rape then too.

And I can’t say about the boss being creepy because he’s a family friend, I’d die if the rest of my family found out

Of course you can. You're entitled to think a family friend is creepy.

Either way if the staff tell your brother they saw him snogging his 18yr old sister when she was drunk off her face, he'll work out for himself that the guy is creepy.

Win - Win

Agree with all the pp pointing out your boss was a horrible sleaze. And as they've pointed out, nobody KNOWS what happened.

You could try saying "God, I hope that place isn't still full of gossiping old fish wives. When I was there I once for a lift home / left a party with my boss (or "got drunk and kissed him at a party" if they did see that) and for the rest of the time I was there, they were all convinced I'd slept with him! Yuck! Can you imagine?"

So this man was a family friend, your boss, much older and had sex with you, when you were probably too drunk to consent?

Sounds like a predator to me.

And I can’t say about the boss being creepy because he’s a family friend

Wow, OP, really?

Do you and your family still see him?

Have you seen him since this happened?

If a 40 odd year old family friend had sex with me when I was out of it drunk, my dad would have been having words!!!

I'd 100% deny it. If they're as gossipy as you say then it's perfectly plausible that this could be something made up / exaggerated.

Just style it out. responses like 'oh I was young and silly' 'everyone does stupid stuff at one point'. If its brought up just act like it's no big deal.

I'm so glad comments have turned and pointed out your boss was totally out of order and if anyone would want this hushing up it should be him. Disgraceful abuse of power and by today's yardstick, rape.

I know people saw us kiss so definitely witnesses that something happened

But it's not proof of intercourse.
IF anyone mentions it you can just brazen it out and say "He couldn't get it up, or keep it up".

 Why you're protecting the "family friend"   he's  probably screwing other  young girls ,  daughters of his "friends" who are too scared to tell their parents.

Pink98, you categorically have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm so sorry this happened to you. What an absolute shit that man is.

If he's a family friend he will have an interest in this not getting out

And I missed the update about being a family friend. A predatory rapist then

you were well and truely taken advantage of.
tell your brother op

Can people stop staying ‘by today’s measures / yardstick / standards it’s rape’.

This was just a couple of years ago.

It was rape and an absolute abuse of power then, too.

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

Also, it sounds like rape to me.

Yes!

You were 18 and the man was 40 and you said you didn’t know what you were doing nor did you remember it! You shouldn’t be embarrassed by that, you’ve done nothing wrong. You were assaulted. You can’t consent to something when you are that drunk and if it is brought up that’s exactly what you should say. Xx

IF anyone mentions it you can just brazen it out and say "He couldn't get it up, or keep it up".

I really don’t recommend saying this.

It suggests you knew what was going on, and recall it. When neither of those things is true.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. The 40+ year old boss/family friend on the other hand is a sleazy opportunistic lowlife whose predatory actions would most likely see him slammed up. And anyone revelling in this as salacious gossip should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. And I doubt very much if this had been the pricks first rodeo. He’ll have been doing it to other vulnerable victims as well. I’m so sorry this has happened to you.