Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

[weekendbreak101]

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

Just take the kettle out of the box and wrap it 😂

I don't get why people get so annoyed about requests for money but a list of stuff seems to be ok? Why would it matter if you give £50 kettle or the same in voucher/money?

When we got married we'd moved into our (tiny)flat the year before and already had everything we needed. We had no room at all for 80 'boxed gifts' apart from not needing anything!

[quote Councilworker]@Ozanj every one seems to have skipped over your post. What did you do with three horses!? And how do you politely deal with 100 sets of dinnerware? I assume regifting is also a no-no.[/quote]
I have to keep it all and have it all boxed and in my garage in case the appropriate guests come but I’m too scared to actually use them. The horses were the least problematic bit as I managed to lease them out to other extended family during the wedding lol

YABU. Why is it cheeky?

Surely you want to give the bride and groom what they actually want as opposed to what you decide they should want?

@Sparklingbrook

The other thing is how much cash to give? There’s another potential for getting it wrong? Don’t want to look mean but don’t want to look ostentatious.

How much would you have spent on something from a traditional gift list? Give that.

My Mum got invited to a wedding about 15 years ago and they sent an invite with the corniest poem ever about the fact they already had a toaster and kettle so can you give us money please. I thought it was ridiculously rude and I was in my early teens at the time. I’d be glad they haven’t sent a shitty poem along side it but yeah, they’re asking for money in an indirect way.

I absolutely love giving money or vouchers.
It makes much more sense and gives the coupe the chance t buy a large purchase if they put all the money together.
I honestly don't understand the 'CF' and 'rude ' comments.

Cheeky. They might as well do one of those 'give us all your cash' poems. Buy them something in a box immediately
MN at its most bonkers again. Why do that?

Presumably they liked you enough to be invited so why not do something that is useful to them.

It is simple, easy to do and benefits them. In fact it benefits me. I'm not messing around ordering or thinking of gifts they may like, wrapping it and then find they have god knows how many ornaments, household goods or whatever and they've given it to the charity shop.

I really hope this becomes the norm sooner rather than later to be honest. It's certainly becoming more popular way of doing it but I guess a lot of people don't like change or don't want to move with the times.
Donate to a charity on their behalf. Anyone turning up at a wedding having done that would look absolutely ridiculous!

Yes, agree it's normal in many Asian cultures, and I'm actually quite surprised that so many on this thread have never heard of it.

We didn't want wedding gifts (at all) for our wedding and put "no boxed gifts" on our invites. If people were offended, they didn't show it. About third of the guests gave us money or vouchers, a third gave us nothing and a third gave us random items, most of which (apart from a set of towels from an elderly aunt which we have used and appreciated) ended up in the loft and have never been seen since.

The problem is that there is apparently no polite way to request (or not) wedding presents in the English culture.
Wedding lists are grabby. Asking for no gifts is rude because it's voicing an expectation that you will be getting one. Asking for money/vouchers rather than "stuff" is rude because you should be grateful for what you get and asking for money is "vulgar". Not specifying at all but waiting for guests to contact you and ask what you want is apparently also rude because it's putting the responsibility onto the guest. I don't think "no boxed gifts" which has the underlying "we don't care if you get us anything, but please make it money/vouchers if you do" is any more or less polite than anything else.

I’d rather give cash than have to bother spending time looking for a gift.
But in all honesty I resent having to give anything. It’s a wedding, they’ve chosen to get married, inside I m thinking, why the fuck does that deserve a gift. 😬 I don’t say that of course, but I just don’t think weddings are important to anytime but the bride and groom.

@ozanj

Wow!

Unless there was something specific they wanted, I’d rather give cash any day - so easy.
The last wedding we went to, the young couple said they lived in a very small flat and had everything they needed, but if anyone kindly wanted to give them something, contributions towards their honeymoon would be very welcome.

Perfectly inoffensive IMO.

And we did get a very nice thank you note for the cash within about a month - very unusual IME nowadays, when it’s usually many weeks or months - if you get one at all.

*anyone

I know how they feel. After Christmas it's always a pain to get rid of all the packaging.

The kindest thing to do would be to remove the box for them before wrapping it.

If you are a guest at a wedding surely you want to give something to the bride and groom, I would much rather give them something they want rather than something I think that they want. So if they want money fine

I think it’s a far better line than some twee poem asking for money!

Some of you seem to really dislike your friends. Give them cash so they can put it towards something they really want. Why wouldn’t you? Saves time on choosing, wrapping, saves money on delivery fees and your friends get what they want. It’s a no brainer.

Standard in Asian culture.

I find it absolutely mind blowing that people would prefer to buy gifts to be consigned to a charity shop rather than actually give people what they want
Who said that would be a preference? I wouldn't buy anything randomly, that's stupid. I either know the people well and get them something I know they would really want or get them something like tea afternoon at a lovely place etc...

As the person giving the gift, I hate to be dictated what I should gift. It's not a request any li get, it's a demand. It's the ultimate attitude of entitlement in my view.

I'm going to shock you all, but I've received a wedding invitation in the past, with an IBAN written on it (different country). It's all a matter of cultural context 💰

Yes it means they'd prefer money or vouchers. I don't see anything wrong with that. What difference does it make to you if you put twenty pounds in a card (that they'd use towards something) as opposed to a spare toaster/kettle?! If anything it makes your life easier, no shopping & wrapping. Don't understand some posters who are suggesting giving crap presents, to teach them a lesson?! Thats just spiteful. You must like these people and want to celebrate their special day? If you don't, then you really shouldn't go!

I don't get why people get so annoyed about requests for money but a list of stuff seems to be ok?

This. I really, really don't understand why so many British people think it is "cheeky" to ask for money, but perfectly OK to put out a list saying "Give Me These Things I Am Demanding."

In many, many cultures it is completely normal to give money and it really makes more sense.

Most couples these days are in their late 20s and have been living together for a year or more (and as single people for many years before that) and have all their household stuff already. We're no longer living in the days when women lived up at home until they married at age 22 and therefore needed to "set up home" as a new bride with a new toaster and towel set etc.

And with soaring housing and education costs, so many couples really need help with things like housing deposits for buying a property, and future children's educational expenses. Or they can indeed spend it on a holiday---what's wrong with that? I don't understand why it's bad to want to go on a holiday but OK to clutter your house up with duplicated tupperware sets or whatever.

Well you learn something new everyday, I would have taken it to mean they didn't want the present in a box so I would unbox it and wrap it instead

Yes it is normal in Indian weddings but I’m from that culture and I think it’s really tacky so I refused to have it on my wedding invitations. We had a JL gift list for anyone who asked (didn’t advertise it) and ended up with lots of cash and yes a few boxes gifts - which really wasn’t the end of the world!

Its only on MN where people think its cheeky to give the bride and groom
What they have asked for.

in my culture its norm to ask for money rather than gifts, well actually its tradition to give gold but we thought cash would be better for people, we didn’t assume everyone would give a gift and had no expectations but it was for people who did kindly want to gift us, however we had a few MN guests i assume.

We got boxed goods and other stuff which we had no use for so all went straight to the charity shop, so it was their money wasted at the end of the day.

So those of you who are so offended to give money, would you really rather see your money go to waste on an item than giving the bride and groom a tenner?

You could just rsvp no, since they are obviously not good friends enough for you to understand they might have enough physical stuff and don't need more without having to bitch on MN🤷🏻