Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

[weekendbreak101]

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

@Ozanj every one seems to have skipped over your post. What did you do with three horses!? And how do you politely deal with 100 sets of dinnerware? I assume regifting is also a no-no.

Some cultures only give money. But as in British culture it's often seen as cheeky, I think we need to find creative ways of getting round it.

Most couples have lived together, sometimes for decades and already have their own house and children by the time they marry. There is really no need for more household detritus.

Friends we know have asked for contributions towards a fabulous expensive piece of original commissioned art, which I thought was a great idea.

I don't like being asked for particular gifts on invitations. I don't care if it's a wedding list, a request for cash/vouchers, or 'no boxed gifts'. Asking for gifts is (to my mind, though others clearly disagree) tacky and unpleasant. My view on this is the same, regardless of the type of celebration. Gifts should never be requested.

@Ozanj, Sorry, I meant the multiple unidentifiable wedding gifts scenario was a nightmare pain in the rear, not the no wedding invitations [facepalm]. Curse of the crossed post!

We’d been living together for some time when we married and had everything we needed. Sure, we could have had a few more kettles for when each one has broken over the years! Or we could have suggested people give vouchers or money so we could fix up our kitchen 🤷🏻‍♀️ Everyone was happy not to have to carefully choose things.

I would always rather get someone something they could use. I hate waste and getting them a gift I think they might like is always going to be at risk of going to waste so I appreciate the steer.

Also a gift (and gift amount) is still totally optional so I don't see the issue. 🤷

I've never understood the problem with this. You decide how much you would have spent on a gift, you put that in an envelope. Job done with minimal effort.

I don't get why people get so annoyed about requests for money but a list of stuff seems to be ok? Why would it matter if you give £50 kettle or the same in voucher/money?
I think it's bad taste to ask for anything at all, especially in weddings where guests still have to buy their own drinks, travel miles and pay for accommodation. Family members or very close friends will likely get some present, which is fair enough to to expect anything from friends or colleagues is in my view just a very entitled attitude.

I would get them a bottle of wine in a gift bag. Not a box!

Gifts should never be requested.

So if they end up with lots of stuff they neither want nor need, and that all gets sent to a charity shop or gathers dust in the attic forever, that’s a good outcome in your eyes?

Really?

When we married I asked for specifics if people asked if there was anything we wanted.

We had a house, so didn't need anything to set it up, and (for example) a longstanding family friend worked in M&S so i asked and she bought me some beautiful M&S towels....I do still have a couple after 30 years!
Anyone else was told no gifts required, however it was a very small wedding (35 guests inc family the vicar and the organist) In spite of that we ended up with a nice wodge of cash ( that people had given to my mother on the quiet!)
We bought a lovely handmade bit of furniture. Again I still have it, although it's been in the loft as it won't work in this house. Next house it will be a priority though ...it needs a huge wall to go on in a kitchen and this house it is full of bloody windows!

I spent the honeymoon writing thankyou letters!

I cannot get up in arms about request for wedding gifts or lists or money tbh...better to give something useful

Is saying 'no boxed gifts' really going to have the desired effect? Lots of gifts don't come in boxes.

It's a colloquialism, like so many others.

Not all 'white goods' are white, but we all understand that a red fridge would qualify.

@ifIwerenotanandroid

What did you do with 100 sets of dinnerware? Is that 100 place settings, or 100 complete sets of place settings?

It was 50 sets of 8 person complete Corelle dinnerware sets (from the Indian side), 25 4 and 6 person complete Royal Doulton sets, and the rest were an assorted variety of really posh brands (I even have a few in solid silver / copper). All of this in addition to cash . I have to keep them all for social reasons but am too scared to actually use them.

Also a gift (and gift amount) is still totally optional so I don't see the issue
Ha, the optional option! My sister in law went for that one. Then moaned for weeks that so many people went for that one :).

She thought she was just bring polite, the expectation was still to count the cash the next day!

I think if you don't want to give money then perhaps some nice picture frames for wedding pics to go in could be a good direction to go in.

If I ever get married, I won't need toasters etc. I have lived in my own place since I was 18, I have everything I need in that sense, surely most people are in that position now a days? I'd rather money to put towards a honey moon or choosing something really special in John Lewis that would be to my taste that we could cherish forever, rather than gifts for the sake of gifts.

@MrsTulipTattsyrup

I’d be tempted to buy a cheap kettle, take it out of the box and wrap it up closely using loads of sellotape.

The asking for money is horrible and means that people who are struggling are effectively excluded. Gifts can be bought using things like club card points or in cheap sales, for less than they appear to be worth. With cash, there’s no way to make it easier on a stretched budget.

I hate the idea of giving enough to cover the costs of your meal etc. If you want me at your wedding that’s great, and I’ll want to be there. But there shouldn’t be a price of admission.

Yes, wedding invitations seem to be very transactional now. You're supposed to estimate the cost per head and 'pay back', to summarise crudely.

The other thing is how much cash to give? There’s another potential for getting it wrong? Don’t want to look mean but don’t want to look ostentatious.

I also think that picking a gift so you can show you care is overrated.
if it's the ultimate proof you care you've been doing something wrong all along.

I honestly don't care about giving gifts for weddings, friends' kids' birthdays etc.
we bang a check or cash in an envelope and be done.
I much prefer they bought exactly what they wanted with the money

I don’t think couples can win as someone is going to accuse them of being a CF. When we got engaged we got physical gifts from DH’s aunts and uncles. He has a big family so quite a few- the usual sort of things such as wine glasses, dinner set. While it was a lovely thought and we hadn’t expected anything as a gift, it was not needed and we ended up with lots of duplicates. DH and I had been living together for 5 years by then and already had most of these things. For the actual wedding we requested no gifts as we didn’t need things on a gift registry, hadn’t booked our honeymoon yet and didn’t feel right asking for money. People still asked us about gift vouchers/money etc so I ended up spending a lot of time trying to politely decline. It was added work. TBH- whatever we would have put would have put some people’s noses out. In the end people chose to give us money and vouchers. We used the money to go diving on our honeymoon and the vouchers towards baby things the following year.

Personally I prefer to give money and don’t see it as grabby to ask after trying to navigate the issue myself.

So if they end up with lots of stuff they neither want nor need, and that all gets sent to a charity shop or gathers dust in the attic forever, that’s a good outcome in your eyes?
Why get a gift in the first place if told not to! In any case, brand new useful gifts ending up in a charity shop is definitely not a waste.

@SmallPrawnEnergy
If the bride and groom made a gift list at John Lewis, I bet someone would complain how dare they presume everyone can afford to shop at JL and why couldn't they make the list at Poundland.

If you say to your DH "please don't buy me socks for Christmas" would that also be cheeky? I suppose by MN logic the righteous thing would be for him to buy you exactly what you said you didn't want or need, because how dare you.

OP, if you're bothered about boxes, just give them a gift card in a box.

I don’t see a problem with this. The couple doesn’t want a bedding for a different sized bed that they own or a vase not to their taste.

I can't see a problem with giving cash. YABU.

brand new useful gifts ending up in a charity shop is definitely not a waste

Well it is if your intention is to mark the occasion of the wedding of your friends.

I find it absolutely mind blowing that people would prefer to buy gifts to be consigned to a charity shop rather than actually give people what they want.

I don’t really like the asking for cash and I hate the idea someone had a while ago on here about a payment point at their wedding, but I can see why it’s becoming more popular. We got married a long time ago and did a wedding list but still a lot of guests didn’t buy from it, so still got the random floral vase and silk embroidered tablecloth etc. Or people did things like 3 pillows when there was 4 on the list, 5 glasses out of 6 (£2 each) etc. We had things from £2 to £100 so something for everyone plus the option for vouchers if that was easier. Someone (a very well off relative) got a us a Asda smart price toaster ( nothing wrong with smart price) but we’d been living together so had a toaster and I think if you’re going to buy someone a toaster not on a wedding list it needs be an all singing all dancing one. People can be strange, maybe asking for cash is the answer x

[quote Ozanj]@ifIwerenotanandroid

What did you do with 100 sets of dinnerware? Is that 100 place settings, or 100 complete sets of place settings?

It was 50 sets of 8 person complete Corelle dinnerware sets (from the Indian side), 25 4 and 6 person complete Royal Doulton sets, and the rest were an assorted variety of really posh brands (I even have a few in solid silver / copper). All of this in addition to cash . I have to keep them all for social reasons but am too scared to actually use them.[/quote]
Wow! Where on earth do you store them? I have a glass collection my mother gave me when she downsized,and now we're downsizing, I've got no idea where I'm going to put them. I don't even like them!