Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

[weekendbreak101]

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

We always gift money for a wedding present but I think its more polite not to request anything.

People now typically live together for months/years before getting married, so they no longer need traditional wedding gifts of kettle/toaster etc to 'set up home'. Asking for cash happens at 80% of weddings now IMHO so the B&G can put that towards what they need for their lives together. I don't see an issue

It's common in South Asian cultures, where wedding guest lists are large - think, 400 people overall - and the priority is helping the couple obtain a home, not kit one out with a hundred blenders. It's a tradition that is crossing over.

No Boxed Gifts is a helpful code seen in that context, I guess.

I find it strange that people get so worked up over people not wanting thousands of useless household items.
Bride and Groom: “please don’t buy us a kettle”
Guest: “How dare they, I’m going to buy them 2 out of spite”

Bride and Groom: “please don’t buy us a kettle”
Guest: “How dare they, I’m going to buy them 2 out of spite”

Exactly

@TheKeatingFive

Because they are CFs.

They really aren’t.

Anyway, presumably these are friends/family you love enough to want to celebrate their wedding with them.

And you respond by getting them something you know they don’t want and will only go to waste?!?!

How bizarre.

They really are. If they want cold hard cash they should just come out with it.

Disclaimer. I am NOT going to get the OP's friend a gift in a box because a)I don't know who they are and b) that would be bizarre. So you don't need to worry about that.

Not wanting gifts is fine. Asking for money, not so much. State no gifts please. You might get some cash anyway. Asking in whatever twee way you like, is very bad manners and tacky af.

It’s not cheeky, it’s a fairly common request.

It’s standard amongst some cultures because if left to their own devices people would give money and a gift and due to size of these weddings and the rules of reprocity in social settings managing it is a bit of a logistical nightmare. For example for my wedding I received 100 sets of dinnerware, 200 pairs of gold earrings (some of which were just shoved into blank envelopes so I had to ask all my guests if they were the ones who gave it to me), three horses, and even gifts for my ‘future kids’.

They should just say they want money or it would be a towel or oven glove from me.

We always give cash these days but I might try and find something personalised for the downstairs loo as well.

if they want cold hard cash they should just come out with it.

They didn’t say that, so no need to give them that.

So you don't need to worry about that.

But you would if your own friends said this, yes?

Take the toaster out of the box before you wrap it.

I don't think it's politely phrased. But I don't see the issue with essentially saying "please don't inundate us with a load of tat we don't need. We already have a kettle and we will buy our own photo frames." We told people not to feel the need to bring gifts, them coming was enough as we were about 1.5hr away from home so most people had to stay over.

I have heard of people asking for money before, which I will never like no matter how much others defend it. But I have never heard it worded as “no boxed gifts” before. Before I read the responses, I assumed they were concerned about managing their recycling bin and wanted people to dispose of the boxes and packaging for them. I would have presented them with an unboxed toaster. 🤣

Give them a basket of fruit.

@TheKeatingFive

if they want cold hard cash they should just come out with it.

They didn’t say that, so no need to give them that.

So you don't need to worry about that.

But you would if your own friends said this, yes?

My friends wouldn't be that cheeky I don't think. Well I hope not.

That said, there's no imminent weddings for me to attend, we all got married a long time ago where it was 'no gifts at all' or a list at John Lewis.

I assume all the posters saying its cheeky have never been to an Asian wedding because no boxed gifts/moneyin a card is normal. I'd actually be surprised if they asked for gifts

@merrymelody

Give them a basket of fruit.

Perfect.

My friends wouldn't be that cheeky I don't think.

I really, genuinely do not understand what is cheeky about saying ‘don’t buy us stuff that we don’t need and will eventually end up in the charity shop’.

Op, it’s a very tacky approach to a wedding and I’d not go. I just couldn’t be bothered with people who were tacky enough to say ‘no boxed gifts’. It’s far better to say nothing and understand that most people would give money anyway and to accept that those who won’t give cash have their present with a good heart.

I thought they were being environmentally conscious (I’d only read the first bit!) and asking for gift givers to dispose of the packaging before giving gifts. Have spent a few minute pondering on how you’d wrap a dinner service or a toaster without the box whilst wrestling kids and trying to decide if they’re BU to request no packaging.

Then I read the rest, realised I’d totally got the wrong end of the stick and think it would’ve been better just to ask for cash!

Giving money makes life a hell of a lot easier for me! I’d actually be surprised to go to a wedding where giving money wasn’t requested - I think it’s a thoroughly sensible approach in the 21st century where most people have lived together/bought a house before they get married.

Literally mystifies me the frothing about this.
It is not the 1950s. No one wants a toaster or set of grapefruit spoons.
If people put down really nice expensive stuff they wouldn't buy themselves, they are above themselves.
Just give them 50 quid worth of vouchers.

It’s the phrase often used on invites for Indian weddings.

Quite normal and not cheeky in that context. Bestowing money on friends and newlyweds is a normal communal way to support people, and there is not the same squeamishness about money.