Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

[weekendbreak101]

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

I believe "no boxed gifts" is the traditional/ polite wording in south Asian cultures.

Or at least that's what I've been told, I think it's a nice way of wording it and much less cringe inducing than those bloody poems that keep popping up in wedding invites.

I'd always rather give cash/ vouchers personally. I always find the idea of a gift list a little rude as the couple are telling you how much to spend on certain things. I'd rather give them what I can afford to and that can go towards something they want, especially if I'm in a bit of a struggle financially.

@TheKeatingFive

My friends wouldn't be that cheeky I don't think.

I really, genuinely do not understand what is cheeky about saying ‘don’t buy us stuff that we don’t need and will eventually end up in the charity shop’.

It’s not. But the MN massive love to froth at the mouth about people daring to ask for cash over tat from John Lewis. It’s pathetic and no reflection of the real world.

@TheKeatingFive

My friends wouldn't be that cheeky I don't think.

I really, genuinely do not understand what is cheeky about saying ‘don’t buy us stuff that we don’t need and will eventually end up in the charity shop’.

Is saying 'no boxed gifts' really going to have the desired effect? Lots of gifts don't come in boxes.

I do think it's cheeky, but then I think it's cheeky to ask outright for anything at all. When I got married we only produced a gift list in response to people specifically asking for guidance on what to get for us, and even then it felt a bit grabby to presume everyone was getting us gifts.

We had a destination wedding and realised people had spent money and taken time off work to be there so genuinely didn't want or expect any gifts.
Problem is, people still wanted to give us something so we ended up asking for money or vouchers as we didn't need any more stuff.
Very hard to get the balance without sounding rude or grabby.

@Solina

I don't get why people get so annoyed about requests for money but a list of stuff seems to be ok? Why would it matter if you give £50 kettle or the same in voucher/money?

I don't get it either and I'm of the generation where wedding gift lists were normal. That was also the time when most of the people I knew were setting up home at the same time as getting married. It's different now and I would much rather give what the couple really need - money or contribution to the honeymoon. It's easier for me and the bride and groom. No need to get on my high horse.

But the MN massive love to froth at the mouth about people daring to ask for cash over tat from John Lewis

If the Bride and Groom have a wedding list at JL they presumably don't think the things on it are 'tat'.

If you need cash just say it don't put things like 'no boxed gifts' at least everyone will know, some might think it's cheeky others will think it's fine.

OP, is the couple South Asian? This is a line that is on all South Asian wedding invitations. It's a cultural norm to prevent people wasting money on things that won't get used.

Is saying 'no boxed gifts' really going to have the desired effect? Lots of gifts don't come in boxes.

Now you’re just being deliberately obtuse.

@TheKeatingFive

Is saying 'no boxed gifts' really going to have the desired effect? Lots of gifts don't come in boxes.

Now you’re just being deliberately obtuse.

I just think they should be clear they they want/need cash. to avoid confusion all round.

Im also really baffled why presenting someone with a specific list of items you want is acceptable on MN but asking for cash is awful.

For most people nowadays the items they ‘need’ are more likely to be big ticket items. You hardly shove a £600 washing machine and a £2k bed on the list. So asking for money makes more sense - guests are still contributing to your new life together and the B&G aren’t inundated with 100 kettles that are all going to end up at a charity shop.

I had not come across this before until my South Asian friend got married and she explained to me that it is absolutely normal in her culture (as pp on this thread have said). Here's a good explanation:

thebridaldiaries.com/2011/04/18/the-no-boxed-gifts-explanation/

I think if this is the cultural norm for the bride/groom and the invitation is going out to 400 people most of whom will understand exactly what it means, then it's not cheeky at all.

Would be easier if people either just asked for cash or set up a wedding list…thinking about it a lot of the department stores (Debenhams etc) which offered that don’t exist anymore. Is it John Lewis, online or nothing?

I know someone that got 4 blenders for wedding gifts soooo I guess I see the appeal 😂😂

I would also prefer vouchers or money and I would preper £10 in a card more than a £60 blender to be honest. Also all that cardboard to have to get rid off... Ugh

So it has been explained numerous times that it's a cultural tradition, especially from in the Pakistani, Indian and Bangladeshi communities, but still the negative frothing continues. Not nice.

As others have said, it’s really common in some cultures. I have been to numerous Muslim weddings with this same phrase. I swear some on MN live under a rock. If you are offended by the request, decline the invite or don’t give a gift, it isn’t complicated.

@TheKeatingFive

Is saying 'no boxed gifts' really going to have the desired effect? Lots of gifts don't come in boxes.

Now you’re just being deliberately obtuse.

I don't know. I have no skin the game at all (I don't find it cheeky) but I genuinely and honestly would not have a clue what 'no boxed gifts' meant if I saw it - so could only interpret it literally until someone told me otherwise.

True, I'd probably also be
a) very confused
AND
b) asking everyone I met what they thought the line meant

...so maybe I'd have got there in the end!

Is saying 'no boxed gifts' really going to have the desired effect? Lots of gifts don't come in boxes.

I did think this was fairly standard wording and before reading this would have assumed that most, of not all, people would understand what "no boxed gifts" meant. So maybe if the couple are from a culture where it's the standard way to request money as a gift (and is used on almost all wedding invites) or they have seen this wording many times before, they wouldn't realise the confusion.

We did request people only bought from the registry because we got married in my home town, 200 miles from where we lived, with no car. So anything bought to the actual wedding had to get schlepped back on a train with us. Could this be similar?

@fallfallfall

Donate to a charity on their behalf 😉

We actually went to a wedding where the B&G specified a charity instead of gifts

@Ozanj

It’s standard amongst some cultures because if left to their own devices people would give money and a gift and due to size of these weddings and the rules of reprocity in social settings managing it is a bit of a logistical nightmare. For example for my wedding I received 100 sets of dinnerware, 200 pairs of gold earrings (some of which were just shoved into blank envelopes so I had to ask all my guests if they were the ones who gave it to me), three horses, and even gifts for my ‘future kids’.

What did you do with 100 sets of dinnerware? Is that 100 place settings, or 100 complete sets of place settings?

@BalladOfBarryAndFreda

As others have said, it’s really common in some cultures. I have been to numerous Muslim weddings with this same phrase. I swear some on MN live under a rock. If you are offended by the request, decline the invite or don’t give a gift, it isn’t complicated.

I think a lot of the MN users who have commented probably don’t get invited to weddings lol

@Ozanj, that sounds like a bloody nightmare!

? Why is this an issue? You want to waste your money on buying them something they probably already have or might not like/want and will sit unused?