Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

[weekendbreak101]

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

@ancientgran

So people think it is OK if you are Asian as that is the culture, previous posters have said it is normal in Ireland (I agree it is my experience) so is it grabby if the bride and/or groom are Irish?

I think it's fine to take things from different cultures, but not very nice just to take the parts that happen to suit you because you will get money!

I'm sure people would see wedding gift lists as grabby if they weren't in your tradition.

People not used to it (ie from another country/culture) also don't like the tradition of evening only invitations where guests have to pay for their own drink, but they are an established tradition here.

@KindnessCrusader

Maybe they're environmentally conscious 🤷‍♀️

Better make sure they don't use the money to fly off on honeymoon then. Seriously, there's no indication from the OP that it's for environmental reasons.

"t let’s be honest, it’s not the 1960’s. Most people live together before marriage so they don’t need home starter your kits. Total waste of the guests money."

Ok, let's be honest, most people live together before marriage therefore don't have the traditional need for a honeymoon either!

I can't get worked up over someone saying what they'd actually like and not like for a gift. When I give a gift I hope it's something the receiver actually wants not something they need to add to their 'shit to sort out' pile. I don't see why anyone would want to force a toaster on someone who doesn't want one and see that as the less rude option.

It seems very sensible to me. It's also easier for the guests.

Ok, let's be honest, most people live together before marriage therefore don't have the traditional need for a honeymoon either!

But surely you can see that a honeymoon (or holiday if you’re getting picky about language) would offer a lot more enjoyment and pleasure to the couple than extra pots/towels/toasters when they already have that stuff?

No?

When I give a gift I hope it's something the receiver actually wants not something they need to add to their 'shit to sort out' pile.

You’d think that would be true of everyone.

But then this thread will open your eyes 😵

"But surely you can see that a honeymoon (or holiday if you’re getting picky about language) would offer a lot more enjoyment and pleasure to the couple than extra pots/towels/toasters when they already have that stuff?

No?"

I was talking about the principle of 'needing' something, which is the argument the other poster was taking about gifts.

I was talking about the principle of 'needing' something, which is the argument the other poster was taking about gifts.

I know that.

But what do you think is a more appropriate gift?

Contribution to a holiday they’ll really enjoy or a household item they already have?

I think it's fine to take things from different cultures, but not very nice just to take the parts that happen to suit you because you will get money! I was talking about people's own culture not taking parts that suit them from other cultures.

I also think that if our own culture of gift giving hasn’t moved with the times and ends up mostly furnishing charity shops, it’s a good idea to look around for better approaches.

@ancientgran

I think it's fine to take things from different cultures, but not very nice just to take the parts that happen to suit you because you will get money! I was talking about people's own culture not taking parts that suit them from other cultures.

Ah, well then that's understandable and perfectly normal.

@TheKeatingFive

I also think that if our own culture of gift giving hasn’t moved with the times and ends up mostly furnishing charity shops, it’s a good idea to look around for better approaches.

Absolutely. This is what cultures do all the time. Or politicians, lawmakers, etc. Countries often transplant something instead of what became obsolete.

"what do you think is a more appropriate gift?"

Something that doesn't make your guests feel uncomfortable like demands for money do to some guests.

The best gift giving is thoughtful though isn't it? from someone who knows you well and loves or likes you - why would that end up in a charity shop?

Unless you're a complete randomer or plus one.

And even then, who buys things like toasters for weddings anymore ? Maybe my DGM's generation at a push.

People need to stop using the word "demand". It's not a demand. Unless person is an absolute dickhead telling you you can't come unless you give money, it's not a demand.

Is it a demand when I suggest to my DH that some new tablet case would be nice gift? No. Same way like "no boxed gifts" or "please, no physical gifts, we would welcome money instead" are not demands.

As if no one here ever suggests their preffered present to their family or friends around birthday or Christmas...

Something that doesn't make your guests feel uncomfortable like demands for money do to some guests.

No one’s ‘demanding’ money.

But seriously, do you furnishing the charity shops is the optimal approach here? Really?

Rather than giving the people you love something they actually want?

@Gwenhwyfar

"t let’s be honest, it’s not the 1960’s. Most people live together before marriage so they don’t need home starter your kits. Total waste of the guests money."

Ok, let's be honest, most people live together before marriage therefore don't have the traditional need for a honeymoon either!

I Devin most people would prefer a holiday, honeymoon whatever you want to call it, than 3 toasters, 2 kettles, 4 dining sets and 29 towels….

@TheKeatingFive

Ok, let's be honest, most people live together before marriage therefore don't have the traditional need for a honeymoon either!

But surely you can see that a honeymoon (or holiday if you’re getting picky about language) would offer a lot more enjoyment and pleasure to the couple than extra pots/towels/toasters when they already have that stuff?

No?

Exactly!

The best gift giving is thoughtful though isn't it? from someone who knows you well and loves or likes you - why would that end up in a charity shop?

Genuinely good gifts are immensely hard to pull off nowadays, despite what the genius gift givers think.

Many people are much less into ‘stuff‘, they’d rather have experiences or build towards something bigger.

And what’s thoughtful about disregarding the B&G’s actual preferences? Do people think they know the B&G better than they know themselves or something?

Many people are much less into ‘stuff‘, they’d rather have experiences or build towards something bigger.

Yup. Lots of people around me, including DH and I, have been doing experiences as a gift rather than bunch of stuff. So for birthday, we would rather fly for city break than get cake, presents etc (some flights cost as little as 20 return per person so... Yay).

I lived in a small flat when I got married and couldn't have fitted lots of gifts in. I just explained and asked for no gifts at all, or a donation to one of our suggested charities.

I just cannot (still) understand the thought process of someone who thinks ...

Oh look, B&G have expressed a preference for contributions to their honeymoon, but I don’t want to do that, l’ll get them a slow cooker instead.

And then go off congratulating themselves on their thoughtful gift giving.

@TheKeatingFive On some other threads, I don't think anyone did it here, I saw people fo "I didn't have x so why should I pay towards theirs". So that's one of the thought processes

Strange.