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Original poster

Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

743 replies

weekendbreak101 · 22/06/2021 08:23

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

OP posts:
LateAtTate · 22/06/2021 17:30

@vivainsomnia

Dinner parties and similar get togethers are in no way equivalent to a wedding The principle is just the same in my view. You invite friends and families for a celebration of yours. You shouldn't expect gifts. If people come with one, you should be grateful for it.

Ultimately, we are going around circle because if the people who expect cash at their wedding are the sane than those who generously and happily give cash at other people's wedding, it's really not an issue.

Same the other way. The problem is when it's one way but not the other.

A dinner party is not a ‘celebration’. It is merely a social occasion like meeting people at a restaurant for dinner.

A more apt comparison is a birthday party. Do you expect to show up to one without a birthday present?

There’s a social expectation of gifts at a wedding and unless you’re very hard up (which the couple would know) it’s rude not to give anything.

LateAtTate · 22/06/2021 17:33

Also didn’t take long for the ‘weddings are a waste of money’ lot to turn up, did it?
Who has to buy a new outfit for every wedding unless you’re an inflatable balloon whose size changes daily 😂

StrapOnSallyChasedMeDownTheAli · 22/06/2021 17:47

Put a box inside a box, inside a box, inside a box....and wrap with pretty wedding paper. 🎁

Vivi0 · 22/06/2021 17:52

@multivac

See also: 'Donate to charity, and see how that makes 'em feel - hahaha!'

Donating to charity solely to 'punish' someone for not living up to your personal etiquette rules is supremely tasteless and entitled behaviour.

Imagine your motivation for donating to charity being spite!
juice92 · 22/06/2021 17:56

It means they want cash. When we got married we would have preferred cash as we had been living together 6 years so had all we needed, we put together a very small list as some of my Husband's relatives did not like us asking for cash.

I don't think it's cheeky at all, if you bought for them from a list, there could actually be pressure to spend more and they would have known what you spent anyway

KenAdams · 22/06/2021 17:59

It's a thing in Asian cultures left over from the times when you ended up with 4 toasters. Some people also move in with their in laws for a while after the wedding whilst they save for their own houses or they're staying there to look after their elderly parents so they don't need household items.

They say no boxed gifts because vouchers etc are fine, it's just items they don't have room to store, particularly multiples of the same item.

Looubylou · 22/06/2021 18:00

I've never heard of that before. I read it as use wrapping paper and not a gift box, so they would be very disappointed with me 😂

Tiramiwho · 22/06/2021 18:01

My local charity shop usually wraps their ( tried and tested ) electrics in old bin bags anyway, so no problem there Wink

shallIswim · 22/06/2021 18:03

If the couple have been living together then they really don't want kettles and sandwich toasters and towels and stuff.
Just give them cash and go and enjoy the wedding, and be happy for not critical of the happy couple. It reflects more on you then them if you do the latter.
I don't understand this CF accusation that is levelled at people
Who quite sensibly would like cash or vouchers. It's not tacky, it's practical.
27 years ago we got given a heap of ornaments and ghastly towels. There were no online registries and in fact we felt it would have been cheeky to give a prescriptive list.

TheKeatingFive · 22/06/2021 18:06

Put a box inside a box, inside a box, inside a box....and wrap with pretty wedding paper.

Why would anyone be so randomly dickish to someone close enough to get a wedding invite from?

phoenixrosehere · 22/06/2021 18:09

They say no boxed gifts because vouchers etc are fine, it's just items they don't have room to store, particularly multiples of the same item.

This! It’s not a hard concept to grasp. My husband and I had a destination wedding so wouldn’t have been able to carry anything back. The cost of shipping said items would have been ridiculous and he already had the things we needed with me moving in with him so we would have had to go through trying to get rid of things. Many people can afford the usual household items that are known as wedding gifts these days.

AmIPeriOrAreYouJustAnnoying · 22/06/2021 18:10

I think it's easier.
I wouldn't be offended.
Why does it bother you?

SallyCinnabon · 22/06/2021 18:11

@weekendbreak101

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time. On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts".. Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box?? Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift? What are other peoples' thoughts on this?
Why would you want to give something they don’t want.

It’s probably because they already live together and have a toaster and kettle they’ve chosen that goes with their kitchen decor/colour/tastes etc. Why would you buy them a random kitchen appliance they already have that they’d just have to sell on? It’s such a waste! I thought we were meant to be looking at sustainability these days… give money or vouchers so your present isn’t in landfill or has to be given away surely!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 22/06/2021 18:17

I’d just take the gift out of the box but I hate requests for cash as feel personally likes it’s an entry fee to the event rather than an invite,

Chikapu · 22/06/2021 18:18

@bongbigboobingbongbing

How rude! I would be going out of my way to give them a boxed gift. Perhaps a series of decorative gift boxes, one inside the other, so they have to open them all to discover a tin opener in the smallest box.
Imagine being that petty and bitter.
TheKeatingFive · 22/06/2021 18:21

but I hate requests for cash as feel personally likes it’s an entry fee to the event rather than an invite

So you’d prefer to get people you supposedly care for something they neither want or need, that will ultimately languish in a drawer/be given to a charity shop?

shallIswim · 22/06/2021 18:29

@Chikapu
@TheKeatingFive
I'm with you. I can't grasp the levels of pettiness and bitterness of some people who've been invited to joyful events in good faith and who just want to be petty and weird.

optimistic40 · 22/06/2021 18:35

The only problem with asking for money is that people feel they have to give more than they would normally spend on a gift. I feel "tight" to give less than £50, and as a single parent, money is tight! Glad I'm 40 and not many friends getting married now Grin

optimistic40 · 22/06/2021 18:36

Surely nobody gives kettles and things these days anyway? Especially not to couples who have been living together, as most do.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 22/06/2021 18:36

It's a control issue imho.

I do assume that some of the people doing this gift shit simply cannot not be in control of such things.
Makes you wonder how much of this control shit they do at home....😐

SchrodingersImmigrant · 22/06/2021 18:39

@optimistic40

Surely nobody gives kettles and things these days anyway? Especially not to couples who have been living together, as most do.
We don't know what they give. No one yet said what the amazing unwanted gifts are. Unless I missed it in that case I will apologise. But only in a form I want to do it in😁
Sparklingbrook · 22/06/2021 18:53

It's interesting that this thread is 13 pages long now and clearly lots of nerves have been touched. However the OP hasn't posted again after their first one. Confused

Minezatea · 22/06/2021 18:55

The only problem with asking for money is that people feel they have to give more than they would normally spend on a gift. I feel "tight" to give less than £50, and as a single parent, money is tight! Glad I'm 40 and not many friends getting married now

My friend, who was the nearest I got to a maid of honour, gave me nothing (we had no gifts wedding as we didn't want to add to the landfill problem). I didn't care one bit. I wanted here that not her gifts. She had about the same amount of money as me at that point so she wasn't flat broke but I still didn't care. I wouldn't have cared if she was a millionaire. I just wanted to share my dat with her. Anyone who expects you to give more than you can afford, or indeed expects you to give anything at all, is not a real friend.

Minezatea · 22/06/2021 18:57

We don't know what they give. No one yet said what the amazing unwanted gifts are. Unless I missed it in that case I will apologise. But only in a form I want to do it in

We got (another) set of saucepans and a sort of serving dish thing plus the ubiquitous picture frames. Why anyone would think I'd need saucepans 16 years after getting my own place, I don't know.

ObviousNameChage · 22/06/2021 18:57

@optimistic40

Surely nobody gives kettles and things these days anyway? Especially not to couples who have been living together, as most do.
Only thing mentioned so far was Le Creuset and "thoughtful" oh and picture frames. Obviously things can't live without.