Bridal couple requesting no "boxed gifts"... Is this normal or cheeky?

[weekendbreak101]

I'm invited to the wedding of a friend. Not a particularly close friend but we've known each other a long time.
On the invitation, the couple have requested "no boxed gifts"..
Can't help feeling this is a bit cheeky... I presume they mean no kettles, toasters, crockery sets and that kind of stuff but to rule out anything that comes in a box??
Feeling a bit annoyed, as I feel it's an indirect way of saying "we prefer money or vouchers". Surely it should be up to the guest what they want to give (or can afford to give) as a gift?
What are other peoples' thoughts on this?

Beyond cheeky
I would ignore and give them a trinket or two and they could be fucking grateful for that

Extremely normal in Asian weddings in the UK.

The only problem with asking for money is that people feel they have to give more than they would normally spend on a gift

I've no doubt some factor this in - like a young acquaintance whose wedding I was invited to, who said exactly that: "They'll have to give more if it's cash"

I didn't go ...

Not cheeky IMO if they're likely to be given boxed gifts.
It goes without saying cash gifts only if the couple are living together in Ireland anyway.

If a couple said no boxed gifts, I would take it to mean they don't want a gift. I would donate to a charity in their name instead. If they don't like it.... serves them right for being cheeky.

This cheeky entitled rudeness needs to be stamped out.

@Viviennemary

This cheeky entitled rudeness needs to be stamped out.

I am not surr who you mean because, let's be honest, it can apply to either side😂😂😂

YANBU to be miffed. However, I prefer giving money as I know that the happy couple can use it for whatever is important to them.

It's literally a punishment.

I mean I know people suck, but fucking hell, don't your jaws hurt?

Maybe they're environmentally conscious 🤷‍♀️

@Viviennemary

This cheeky entitled rudeness needs to be stamped out.

😂

You dont have to get them anything you know. If you want to give something give cash as that's more useful

@LostInTime respect to you for choosing a marriage rather than a wedding.

I turned my head inside out looking for ways to keep the costs down, but every time I suggested not having flowers/car/cake etc, people told me those were the things which would 'make the day'. It felt like dh and I making a lifelong commitment to each other wasn't enough

Don’t they have a wedding list? Much easier. I much prefer.

@multivac

See also: 'Donate to charity, and see how that makes 'em feel - hahaha!'

Donating to charity solely to 'punish' someone for not living up to your personal etiquette rules is supremely tasteless and entitled behaviour.

I know, why is it classy/good etiquette to force a kettle in them they already have and yet tasteless/bad etiquette to give money so they can use it to buy something they really want.

It’s so easy too, love giving money. Spending money on a honeymoon or a treat, I don’t mind… surely you care for the people who are getting married/wedding you rsvp-ed to attend? In which case surely getting them something they like is nice?

I always ask my family for Christmas, what do they want or need? I don’t force some socks or electrical item on them… surely if you want to buy a gift, you know the couple well enough (given that you are at their wedding) you can ask what they might need?

People moaning about giving £50 in cash (don’t want to pay for their wedding! Don’t worry that hardly covers your meal) but will spend £50 on a toaster or a photo frame?

The only issue I can see is that people like forcing their taste on others and get offended if they can’t 🤣🤣🤣

In the past when couples were also setting up home together when they married it made some sense to get them toasters etc.

But even then it was tricky. We had a list which included items suitable for all budgets inc Argos vouchers even a £5 one we were grateful for, but some guests went "off piste" and got us stuff we'd never want or use in a million years!

With the environmental impact of unwanted gifts now something we should all be aware of I think it's sensible to have gifts be vouchers or cash

In some cultures/religions it's always been the case and in some of those the way it's set up means the bride and groom don't even know who gave how much so that guests on a tighter budget weren't embarrassed. That seems fair to me.

If you're having a destination wedding a gift can significantly add to your luggage weight!

Cash/vouchers much more practical/useful

I've worked in the wedding industry and seen a lot of variation in how bridal couples handle this aspect.

Some couples request any gifts be a charitable donation to a charity of their choice which I think is a lovely idea.

This cheeky entitled rudeness needs to be stamped out
Do you want to tell the South Asians that then?
😂

Asian people I have met have all been extremely polite. If thats the practice in their culture fine. But a lot of people in our culture find it unacceptable on wedding invitations.

I assume that the OP's culture doesn't include the unwritten rule that everyone gives cash for a wedding gift and nobody bats an eyelid. Otherwise why would they be expressing surprise? That said, they've only posted once and not given every detail.

Whenever I'm a wedding guest I'm so relieved when they just ask for money. Cash in a card, job done. What's not to like? Better than having to try and guess what they want or picking off a gift list and being the disorganised person that ends up having to get the awkward rubbish gift at the end of the list that no one else has bought yet because you've left it til the last minute. Cash or vouchers much better

But a lot of people in our culture find it unacceptable on wedding invitations.

But they seem to think spending money on unwanted/unneeded gifts that ultimately end up in a charity shop are a better option, so don't you think an updating of attitudes would be beneficial all round?

@KindnessCrusader

Maybe they're environmentally conscious 🤷‍♀️

They'll not be wanting to get cards then either. Does it say 'no cards please' as well OP? Oh course it doesn't cause that's how the cash is delivered

I had a friend who when planning her wedding day sat in my car beside me actually counting up 'we've invited 150 guests so if they all give £50 each we'll have nearly £8k after the wedding' it all felt a bit mercenary to me but like most of MN I'm not a big wedding person anyway.

Or perhaps a less abrupt form of words?

We just told people we didn’t want any gifts or cash at all, we just wanted them to attend. Most people ignored us but that was up to them.

It's cheeky.
I get that most couples have most things before they get married but to say 'no boxed gifts ' sounds grabby
They could have said, politely ( and not in cringey poem form) that they don't need anything and maybe say , outright , that they'd love some contributions towards...
if they really feel that they have enough , they could ask for donations towards a charity/charities.
The notion of asking for contributions towards a honeymoon is exceptionally grabby.