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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Offered a new job, DH walked out

321 replies

NorthSew · 21/06/2021 20:17

AIBU?

I have been working from home for the last 3 years.

Before this, my DH and I ran a business together for 6 years (I was more a silent partner.)

Recently, I've been offered a job at the local university- a job I think I would really enjoy and excel in.

I told him over dinner and he said "oh I am sure you will make lots of new friends and meet new people."

To which I responded "it's not really about that, but, yes, it would be nice to make some friends."

I don't have many here.

He got up and walked through to the kitchen. Then left the house. When I heard him leaving I asked him where he was going but he didn't answer. It's possible he didn't hear me.

I feel stupid now.

OP posts:
PurpleMustang · 21/06/2021 20:49

Wow this is weird. He must have known you applied for the job? Has he not said anything when you went for the interview? And like others have said this should be about you and he has just ruined it and made it all about him. I have a feeling there is gonna be some humongous back story here. But in the meantime tread carefully with someone who wants to isolate you and not want you to have friends. Good luck. If you need help and want more advice if you in anyway think this is normal then we can all help

princessandthedragon · 21/06/2021 20:50

He sounds very controlling and insecure.

princessandthedragon · 21/06/2021 20:51

and well done on the new job OP

Bellyups · 21/06/2021 20:52

Massive well done and congratulations on your new job op.

You are far from stupid. It sounds more like H wants you at home and not meeting new people.

Take your new job. He needs to know he can’t emotionally bully you into doing what he wants

TheOtherTrees · 21/06/2021 20:52

Congratulations OP!

Enjoy your new job.

The DH... he sounds jealous/childish/potentially controlling... keep your wits about you!

IsThePopeCatholic · 21/06/2021 20:53

Congratulations!
Why can your dh not share in your success? Is he possessive and controlling ?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/06/2021 20:53

I'm still wondering why on earth he'd do that.

QueenBee52 · 21/06/2021 20:53

@Lndnmummy

You should not feel stupid but you should be livid at his response. What the hell is that about? Does he feel threatened about you “meeting new people”? Would he prefer you to be lonely? This was a lovely moment for you. It should have been a lovely moment for him too. A moment for you both to share, a success, a milestone. Instead he ruins this for you, walks off and doesn’t answer you. We don’t need to tell you how very odd this is. I hope you know that you deserve so much more.
Totally..

what a controlling prick..

OP Congratulations on your new job, and I hope you have a ball Flowers

AnyFucker · 21/06/2021 20:55

Are you going to elaborate or not, op ?

TedImgoingmad · 21/06/2021 20:57

How can he walk straight with a massive red flag sticking out of his head?

Dragongirl10 · 21/06/2021 20:57

congratulations op ! Very odd and unkind behaviour from your DH

Bobbiebigbum · 21/06/2021 20:57

When I got a new job, my ex dp thought I was lying and would not awknowledge the new job. He was a wanker too!

lilyofthewasteland · 21/06/2021 20:58

That's not a normal reaction.

Shelddd · 21/06/2021 20:59

That whole exchange just seems odd. I feel like you are missing explaining some part of that or some context. Its just a weird response even for someone who is a dick or controlling.

Hopefully you come back to this thread and let us know.

Obviously if he is mad/upset you are going to work then that's a massive issue that needs addressing but yeah some more context or details would be nice.

Zzelda · 21/06/2021 20:59

Why would you feel stupid?

If your DH has a problem with you saying that you would like new friends, there are some big, big questions about staying with him. Trying to prevent your spouse having friends is a big red flag.

Grumpyrealist77 · 21/06/2021 20:59

Ignore him. Enjoy your new job!! Don’t feel stupid. Hopefully it’s great for both of you.

UserAtRandom · 21/06/2021 21:00

Did he think your "I don't have any friends here" remark was a dig at him? That at least explains why he would just get up and walk out.

The first part of the conversation sounds perfectly amicable so not sure why else he would suddenly have a huff.

KeyboardWorriers · 21/06/2021 21:00

Congratulations on the job!! It sounds lovely. Hopefully your husband will have a more appropriate reaction when he returns. Otherwise please accept the job still. It's his problem not yours. And I too worry whether this is a sign of other ways he controls or belittles you?

Nicolastuffedone · 21/06/2021 21:02

Why are you feeling stupid??

MustardRose · 21/06/2021 21:04

So for 9 years, you've either been working with him or working at home.

He doesn't want you to go out there, widen your horizons and meet new people. I wonder why that is. Have you ever noticed any jealous tendencies or trust issues before? Because I think that is what's going on here.

Ourlady · 21/06/2021 21:08

I think you've had a few threads on the deplorable way your husband treats you OP?
If so, bloody well done on taking the university job. He will just have to suck it up.

cheeseislife8 · 21/06/2021 21:09

Congratulations on your new job! As for your DH... weird behaviour

buckeejit · 21/06/2021 21:09

Congrats on the job. Commiserations on the shit husband. Hope he apologises. If not, call him out on his shitty childish behaviour

Classicbrunette · 21/06/2021 21:12

Perhaps he went to get a bottle of wine to celebrate !

Blossomworld · 21/06/2021 21:12

I get why you feel stupid. He’s made you feel silly for feeling proud of yourself. Like it’s not important.
Please hold on to how you felt previous to that conversation. It’s not you.