Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset what WFH has done to DH

395 replies

cappuccinoandcats · 21/06/2021 09:57

All staff in the office where DH works are clearing their desks one morning this week. The office is going to be hotdesking and I'm praying he goes to the office for at least two days a week.
He's making all sorts of excuses. Type 2 diabetes, stairs due his bad knees etc. I'm not buying these excuses. He is currently renovating and removing plaster at the weekends, so he CAN do stairs and carry heavy loads !
He doesn't want to work with unvaccinated. He's had both jabs and I've explained the risk is miniscule.
I just want him out of the house sometime during the working week. AIBU

OP posts:
choirmumoftwo · 22/06/2021 22:37

I'm desperate for DH to go back to the office and so is he. We're very fortunate that our smallest bedroom was converted to study space some time before lockdown so he does have separate space, but his work is still incredibly intrusive to the rest of the household.
He's on Teams calls almost all day and I'm literally sick of the sound of his voice. The main reason I returned to work from retirement was to get away from it.
WFH might suit some but it definitely doesn't work for us. Very blurred boundaries regarding work/life balance.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 22/06/2021 22:39

Even if you are unemployed at the moment (which is what it's called when you have a non disabled teenager at school all day and no job)

Wow! Unnecessarily judgey comment!

It's not judgey. Its factual. What's wrong with using the term unemployed?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 22/06/2021 22:42

funny how family space is not a concept here - it appears to be the OP and 15 year old’s space, with the DH nothing more than an intrusion.

This. I wfh since lockdown and my employer doesnt want us back in. I would be fuming if DH and the kids decided I was in the way in my own home, working from home is much better for my mental health.

PixieLaLa · 22/06/2021 22:46

@Graphista
Even if you are unemployed at the moment (which is what it's called when you have a non disabled teenager at school all day and no job)

Wow! Unnecessarily judgey comment!

I think they were referring to the OP being unemployed rather than the teen but I could be wrong? As in they are hardly a SAHM to a non disabled 15 year old that would be called unemployed.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 22/06/2021 22:51

PixieLaLa bang on.

Sydendad · 22/06/2021 23:21

I think it's his choice to work from home. No need to question the validity of that. However it's not his choice alone to work in the living room or to force the whole family to be quiet or to not use the living room while he is working. Either he keeps working in the living room but he accepts that it is a shared space or he moves to a place that he doesn't have to share. Me I jump around to be honest. I work mostly in the living room but , A: I don't expect everyone to be quiet not even on a call, I simply tell everyone sorry but I am working from home so you may hear some noise or see some kids running around. B if I have a very important call I take a laptop and go somewhere else. Also I make it a choice to not accept any calls around breakfast lunch or dinner time and force most meetings to be before 3pm.

QueenBee70 · 22/06/2021 23:37

It sounds like he is suffering from anxiety . I think a lot of people will . Maybe some counselling will help. Covid is never going away so everyone will need to return to work at some time though . In terms of the vaccination it will make no difference if someone is jabbed or not jabbed , they can still carry covid .

I work in education so we have worked the whole way through and have all shared desks and offices at some time during the last 15 months . I’m quite glad I did or else I think I could easily feel like your Husband too. I think he may need some professional help. Sadly the media have done too great a job on terrifying the nation 😔.

Graphista · 22/06/2021 23:49

I think they were referring to the OP being unemployed

Yes that's the way I took it - still judgey!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 23/06/2021 02:49

Graphista can you explain what's judgey about it?

Cakeandcoffeea · 23/06/2021 06:32

This wouldn’t work for us. You have to walk though my lounge to get to the kitchen and then to get upstairs. There’s no way around it/ in this case I think I’d feel the same

tappitytaptap · 23/06/2021 06:39

@Cam2020

What weird responses. He sounds a bit of a selfish prick, commandeering the living room.

I think that's a bit unfair. A lot of people are going to have anxiety about a return to 'normal'. This whole situation has screwed with people's MH and 'Lockholm Syndrome' is going to be a big problem.

I don't think this environment is healthy though - for any of you. You all need space and to feel comfortable at home. Your DH's issues with going back to the office aren't going to get any better in their own, in fact they'll get worse the longer this goes on.

Kids have mixed with other people at school. Grown adults getting upset about having to be around other people is slightly ridiculous in most cases.
lavenderandwisteria · 23/06/2021 06:45

Kids don’t spend twenty four hours at school, though.

tappitytaptap · 23/06/2021 06:51

Adults don’t spend 24 hours at work - I was suggesting OP’s DH should spend some time at the office rather than in the living room.

lavenderandwisteria · 23/06/2021 06:53

Sorry tappity I misunderstood Blush

I can’t say whether it’s WFH or not but I’m really questioning it I want to spend my life like this now, to be honest. I don’t think I deserve to be this miserable because I had the tenacity to take ten months of maternity leave.

Shelddd · 23/06/2021 07:01

I wonder do you make sure to leave a few times a week for several hours while he's at home so he has some time alone at home? Or is that only reserved for you?

lavenderandwisteria · 23/06/2021 07:03

If that is aimed at me shelddd some days I feel I am never in!

MaMelon · 23/06/2021 07:04

I was suggesting OP’s DH should spend some time at the office rather than in the living room

And ditto the OP and the son should spend some time outside of the house to allow her DH to work without ‘intruding’ on his own home.

Thewarrenerswife · 23/06/2021 07:11

All those having a go at OP for wanting her DH back to work…

He’s not just making excuses to his wife, he’s also making lame excuses to his employer, who as every right to ask him to come back to the office. There are a lot of people who think they are able to do their job from home, and that they will be able to continue to do this. While some will, many won’t.

helpIhateclothesshopping · 23/06/2021 07:19

My DH is working from home, we have a desk in the porch so the rest of the house isn't taken over (not as bad as it sounds) it's an internal porch, can't see through the front door). Any chance of setting up a little shed or something otherwise?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 23/06/2021 07:19

I was on mat leave last spring/summer and I honestly love having DH at home.he took any calls upstairs, the kids and I would often go for walks/play outside in the morning then we would have lunch together, eldest and I played together in his bedroom while youngest napped, then the kids and I would go out again and we'd all have tea back at home with DH. We are both still wfh and doing much the same in terms of regrouping for meals (except the kids are at childcare).

Shelddd · 23/06/2021 07:20

@lavenderandwisteria

If that is aimed at me shelddd some days I feel I am never in!
No sorry the OP, :) but that's good anyway.
lavenderandwisteria · 23/06/2021 07:30

People are different.

They have different homes, setups, structures and jobs.

Some WFH roles have essentially meant that a family home - regardless of whether that family has a SAHM or teen children or whatever - have turned into an office. That’s obviously going to massively impact everyone in it.

Maybe you feel that it’s inherently wrong or bad or awful that someone is a SAHM. However chances are this decision was made jointly and it was decided that this worked best.

When the lockdowns happened people had to make adjustments along the lines of ‘this is not ideal but we will make the best of it’ and that’s fine. It doesn’t mean it should be a life sentence.

I don’t even think my DP is too bad when it comes to the WFH thing. But a few things recently have made it clear that this is his home and workplace and any adaptations I want to make to make my life and that of ds easier will not happen.

If you have enjoyed it then no one is saying you shouldn’t carry on. But I cannot believe anyone thinks it is reasonable for a fifteen year old not to be able to live a normal life at home because for reasons we don’t know his mum isn’t working Hmm

MaMelon · 23/06/2021 07:32

@Thewarrenerswife - there’s nothing in the OPs posts that suggest this is the case.

There are a lot of people who have worked very successfully from home over the last 15 months (I include myself in that), and if their employers are sensible they’ll recognise the benefits of wfh and allow this to continue in a flexible way for those roles for those who want it. Good employers move forward with the times.

Middersweekly · 23/06/2021 07:34

I agree OP, the commandeering of the living room would wind me up if he was telling everyone to be quiet and tip toe around in silence. I think his best solution is to set up a small desk space in the bedroom if that’s possible. He can sit on the bed with a lap tray if not. He can then close the door!
My DH WFH most of the week. He pops out once sometimes twice a week. We do have a home office but even that winds me up sometimes as older DD’s want to play music now that they’re on their summer holidays and he snaps at them to turn it off. He snaps if the dogs start barking etc. He never lets me in to clean or hoover in the office either as he’s permanently perched in there. It drives me mad! 😅

DifferentHair · 23/06/2021 07:41

Ffs I'm shocked at how many people have allowed their partner to take over kitchen tables and living areas this whole time.

A small desk in the bedroom, with the door shut. Or the office.

Taking over the house is not a long term solution.

Swipe left for the next trending thread