To be upset what WFH has done to DH

[cappuccinoandcats]

All staff in the office where DH works are clearing their desks one morning this week. The office is going to be hotdesking and I'm praying he goes to the office for at least two days a week.
He's making all sorts of excuses. Type 2 diabetes, stairs due his bad knees etc. I'm not buying these excuses. He is currently renovating and removing plaster at the weekends, so he CAN do stairs and carry heavy loads !
He doesn't want to work with unvaccinated. He's had both jabs and I've explained the risk is miniscule.
I just want him out of the house sometime during the working week. AIBU

And honest to god, I cannot remember a single occasion aged 15 when I hung out with friends in the living room of our parents house, certainly not when they were there. We were always out, or in someone's bedroom, if it was a lucky better off friend there might be a snug or summer house. The last place you wanted to be was in proximity to anyone's parents.

Why should it me making all the allowances?

I havent said that

I have repeatedly said they must both compromise and take turns to have the space.

And if their big important dads are all WFH

Then they work out a rota or use their ingenuity and go out somewhere.

He could work elsewhere (the office). She could relax elsewhere (the gym, the bedroom, the garden, a nice cafe, a friends house, the library)

There isn’t a lot of compromise if the only way to relax or have privacy is to get out of the house (all your examples bar one).
I would feel like I’m kicked out of my own home.

Perhaps OP could get a job and use the money they earn for a garden office for their DH. Actually the DS could get one too and chip in!

Problem solved.

@lavenderandwisteria

And if their big important dads are all WFH?

you cannot seriously smirk at someone because they are the only one having a job in the house

I would feel like I’m kicked out of my own home.

so you kick your partner out. Yeah, sounds fair...

Oh yes how dare he sit in that room working from home paying the bills then renovating during the weekends.....Poor bloke!

I would feel like I’m kicked out of my own home.

I'd imagine her DH does too.

lavenderandwisteria
And if their big important dads are all WFH?

Or better yet their big important mums, since many of us women wfh too....

Either way I'd imagine by working from home they are earning the money that buys the teenager the expensive trainers they want so they probably better stay on the right side of them.

And if their big important dads are all WFH
Then they work out a rota or use their ingenuity and go out somewhere.

This....

Seriously. The poor 15 y o will be fine

@khakiandcoral

I would feel like I’m kicked out of my own home.

so you kick your partner out. Yeah, sounds fair...

My comment was that the options proposed were not a compromise.

A compromise means having a chat and then deciding what to do. NOT assuming that one need (eg WFH) trumps all the others.
A good compromise for me would be to. move to a. House. With a study. Have garden shed organised as an office etc….

one need (eg WFH) trumps all the others.

It's the only need being referred to! The OPs DH manages to survive his life without needing to use the living room for constant relaxing alone, he manages to get sufficient R&R solely from shared time in the living room in evenings/weekends, yet its not enough for OP to do the same?

Turning a home into a workplace, meaning that others are unhappy there, is not acceptable just because that pays the bills.

If I had a job that started at 4am, would it be acceptable to wake everyone up at that time because it’s my house since I pay for it?

A good compromise for me would be to. move to a. House. With a study. Have garden shed organised as an office etc….

Ah the old MN favourite, move house! I'd love a house with a study but it won't be happening any time soon. We'd have to move away, meaning I'd have to leave my job anyway. I did try the shed but it got far too hot and that was before the heatwave!

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Perhaps OP could get a job and use the money they earn for a garden office for their DH. Actually the DS could get one too and chip in!

Problem solved.

Lavendar the point is that this is a non point for most normal adults for whom its typical to be working between 9 & 5.30 so its not (imho) a normal expectation that an adult of working age without young children would expect to be around the house for prolonged periods during the working day, every single day, long term. I literally have never met anyone who does that!

A good compromise for me would be to. move to a. House. With a study. Have garden shed organised as an office etc….

Great idea, how about you get a job yourself and start saving up

I don’t think it’s abnormal to be on maternity leave, a SAHM, ill or disabled, work part time or work shifts.

I have total sympathy for the op.
I work part time in education and so am in work 3 days a week. 2 of those days my husband wfh- our young children are in nursery.

We had originally agreed that he would go to the office 2 days too. The study in our home is part of an open plan area, so kids are told to be quiet etc.

He has now started telling me on the morning of the 2 days I’m at home with the children, that he is wfh that day.

I find it much more stressful, the kids get upset about being told to be quiet and we had agreed this! I have explained that it os a good compromise and I feel like we’re in a lockdown hangover when all at home all the time. I am literally never in the house alone anymore, and it’s hard. You need a bit of distance in a relationship too.

I have raised this with my husband and he gets a bit defensive but it’s better for us all if he doesn’t change as hoc- basically as it suits him, regardless of plans I’ve made- as we’re not sniping at one another to keep the noise down!
Homes are homes and the separation is definitely beneficial for some people, and it’s fine if other people would enjoy it too!

Other half and I are both WFH, awesome. Whoever has easier day picks the youngest up. I changed jobs over lockdown. Lockdown has been the most awesome leveller for parents. No way are either of us going back to the office, well we might occasionally when pushed!!

@khakiandcoral may make sense for money saving employers not so much for employees

Even if you are unemployed at the moment (which is what it's called when you have a non disabled teenager at school all day and no job)

Wow! Unnecessarily judgey comment!

And why on earth shouldn't a 15 year old be able to hang out at home if they want?

Depending where op is parks may not be ideal for a number of reasons (where I live the weather has been shit! The parks are currently basically bogs!) plus I remember being that age myself and when I wasn't working in my holiday job I was resting at home, chilling out with friends at home as well as sometimes going out and about and doing things with friends

The home is not solely ops husbands home regardless of "who pays the bills" (funny how family money not a concept here)

@lavenderandwisteria

I don’t think it’s abnormal to be on maternity leave, a SAHM, ill or disabled, work part time or work shifts.

No one said it was.

What is abnormal and unacceptable is expecting to have sole use of the house and be inconvenienced because the full time worker prefers working from home.

He still should move to a study/bedroom, but being kicked out of the house you are paying for is a bit much.

funny how family money not a concept here

And equally, it’s funny how family space is not a concept here - it appears to be the OP and 15 year old’s space, with the DH nothing more than an intrusion.

He needs to find a space that works for you all and a phased return to work with help to manage his anxiety. Good luck.