To feel a bit sad for my DS 16

[MagnificentBottom]

My DS 16, just left school. He’s not academic, didn’t like school or get particularly good exam grades, messed around a lot, hung around with the more ‘spirited’, but he’s essentially a good person who has a good heart. His girlfriend is very bright, just got great GCSE results and this weekend her friend organised a party to celebrate leaving school.
My DS was not invited, when she asked why she was told it was because he was in the wrong ‘friendship group’ and others felt intimidated by his presence. She also said that people generally when they see him deliberately walk on the other side of the road to avoid him. He’s tall, wears hoodies and a base ball cap. AIBU to think this is incredibly petty or are teenagers generally this fickle?

He has got to know his friends.

You have got to know them and decided to hang around with them, they get all sad because there's consequences to being trouble causers.

He does know them and is judging them acceptable friends. His judgment is off, if he is also going sulk if other people don't want to be around him.

He can't have it all.

@52soon because at first it didn't make sense and if you read the website it also says results for both are the same and and could of been answered straight away

@RealhousewifeofStoke

‘Ah ok, I hadn’t realised he was a bully and disrespectful to girls’

Good. Glad you’re feeling enlightened OP. How will you be addressing this with golden boy?

You want to know more about my parenting?

OP.
They don’t like him.

I would be worried sick because the future would look scary for him.
What are you hoping for from the thread?

@MagnificentBottom ok tell us his positives as you haven't at the beginning
Why do you care if he hasn't been invited to a party of people he isn't friends with?
If he had a party he would likely not invite them either

@Trevsadick

He has got to know his friends.

You have got to know them and decided to hang around with them, they get all sad because there's consequences to being trouble causers.

He does know them and is judging them acceptable friends. His judgment is off, if he is also going sulk if other people don't want to be around him.

He can't have it all.

He’s not sulking, I was the one who felt sad, not him

I’m getting increasingly pissed off with the spirited kids in dd’s school. I hope she will be soon. She’s in yr8. I can well imagine why your ds wasn’t invited to the party. Hard to imagine he didn’t participate in any of the stuff his friends got up to. Besides just being friends with them is tacit approval of their behaviour.

GCSEs were released in Wales on Thursday

Every child has positives, particularly in the eyes of their parents. But it really does seem as though this child is heading down the wrong path and the fact that his classmates don’t like him is a worrying sign

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

How were they released in your area? There would be no point in having exam results day if they could be released whenever. Can you give more info?

Have you missed the news that there are no "exams" this year?

We are in Scotland where exams haven't happened either. Schools have been carrying out their own assessments since Easter. Schools have compiled the grades which they are going to pass on to the exam boards. These grades are unlikely to change, the exam board will just rubber stamp them and print the certificates.

So schools have been telling kids what grades they are putting forward. Friday here was "results day" for my kids too.

Your son and his mates behaved like dicks throughout school.
It isn't surprising that the kids that got their heads down and worked want to celebrate in their own group without the wasters.

It doesn't mean that the wasters aren't decent enough kids underneath but they are really trying to have to learn alongside.
So the hard workers can't be blamed for having no time for them at the moment.

@MagnificentBottom teenagers are fickle so I wouldn't be sad if he doesn't care
What group of friends they have now often can change anyway
You said he has positive stuff going on so concentrate on that
We can't all be academic
Does he have a college course picked out ?

So he doesn't give a shit, that this is how other people close to his girlfriend feel. He doesn't care that she is forced to choose.

Sounds like he quite likes the reputation he has and is accepting of the view others have of him. He isn't shocked or embarrassed or sad that that is how he has come across. It's doesn't bother him at all.

So no need for you to be sad. You can go back to laughing.

[quote worriedatthemoment]@MagnificentBottom ok tell us his positives as you haven't at the beginning
Why do you care if he hasn't been invited to a party of people he isn't friends with?
If he had a party he would likely not invite them either [/quote]
Well this was a thread about how I felt a bit sad about him not being invited to a party. I guess the reality is he doesn’t really care. He hasn’t said anything to me, this is from a conversation I had with his gf when he was there. You’re right, he wouldn’t invite them if he has a party, but I don’t think he would be that petty to say someone couldn’t come.

I don't know why you felt sad, he isn't part of the group who had the party. It's totally normal in this age group to have different friends and do things with friends and not each other. Balance is important. I could only imagine your post if his girlfriend was clingy

@MagnificentBottom, so do you live in Wales or not? It's hardly outing.

[quote worriedatthemoment]@MagnificentBottom teenagers are fickle so I wouldn't be sad if he doesn't care
What group of friends they have now often can change anyway
You said he has positive stuff going on so concentrate on that
We can't all be academic
Does he have a college course picked out ? [/quote]
Yes I agree, no he’s not going to college he’s working instead.

[quote mineofuselessinformation]@MagnificentBottom, so do you live in Wales or not? It's hardly outing.[/quote]
Why do you care?

@RaspberryCoulis well in england we still have results day and the website stated wales too ( although this is not case) scotland don't do gcse so its not surprising that people found it strange as for the vast majority of those getting exam results they won't get them until august

[quote worriedatthemoment]@MerchSwyddEfrog what happens if the exam board decide a school has maybe upgraded though ?[/quote]
All schools have to collect proof for results that’s why the children sat loads of tests, the exams that were cancelled but not really cancelled. My son sat about 4 times as many tests as he would have exams! The exam board can ask for proof if necessary but all schools have to have robust proof and processes to ensure correct grades so there should be no giving of inflated grades. Grades can be appealed before they go to exam board. Once issued in august they can not be appealed.

@Trevsadick

So he doesn't give a shit, that this is how other people close to his girlfriend feel. He doesn't care that she is forced to choose.

Sounds like he quite likes the reputation he has and is accepting of the view others have of him. He isn't shocked or embarrassed or sad that that is how he has come across. It's doesn't bother him at all.

So no need for you to be sad. You can go back to laughing.

I don’t think that’s either pleasant or necessary

Thuggish posse 🤣🤣

I didn’t call them this so you quoted the wrong person but I do agree that none of them sound great.

You call them spirited but if people are crossing the road to avoid them there is a lot more going on.
You’d do that to avoid nasty pieces of work, not ‘spirited’ lads. Maybe ‘thuggish’ is the right word.

You’re in denial though so there is little point to this thread.

Not read all the replies, but "more spirited" group?
Um, sorry to say but is that a euphemism lol, the teenage version of being a "crunchy parent"
also known as your kids being little gits
Not judging, I have two myself, but more spirited group what you're saying does basically sound exactly like what the group are saying - that are "in the wrong friendship group" but you're going for a more twee euphemism.
If they think they're going to be "high spirited" (noisy, trouble causing, whatever) I can see why not invited.
Crap for your DS though I agree

I don’t think that’s either pleasant or necessary

Not unpleasant and totally necessary.