To feel a bit sad for my DS 16

[MagnificentBottom]

My DS 16, just left school. He’s not academic, didn’t like school or get particularly good exam grades, messed around a lot, hung around with the more ‘spirited’, but he’s essentially a good person who has a good heart. His girlfriend is very bright, just got great GCSE results and this weekend her friend organised a party to celebrate leaving school.
My DS was not invited, when she asked why she was told it was because he was in the wrong ‘friendship group’ and others felt intimidated by his presence. She also said that people generally when they see him deliberately walk on the other side of the road to avoid him. He’s tall, wears hoodies and a base ball cap. AIBU to think this is incredibly petty or are teenagers generally this fickle?

@HasaDigaEebowai

Every child has positives, particularly in the eyes of their parents. But it really does seem as though this child is heading down the wrong path and the fact that his classmates don’t like him is a worrying sign

He has plenty of friends, it’s just a different friendship group

‘You want to know more about my parenting?’

Your posts are an indication of your parenting to date. I’m more interested in how you plan to adapt your parenting in light of the unanimous MN response that YABU and your son is unpopular and intimidating. I’m not convinced that you are particularly receptive to that idea though

@TheSunShinesBright

I don’t think that’s either pleasant or necessary

Not unpleasant and totally necessary.

No, not IMO

I don’t think that’s either pleasant or necessary

You mean you don't like that it's true?

Which part is unpleasant? Or unnecessary?

@RealhousewifeofStoke

‘You want to know more about my parenting?’

Your posts are an indication of your parenting to date. I’m more interested in how you plan to adapt your parenting in light of the unanimous MN response that YABU and your son is unpopular and intimidating. I’m not convinced that you are particularly receptive to that idea though

I’m tired now. I really don’t want to go in to work tomorrow, do you think anyone would notice if I don’t go?

@MagnificentBottom well he has a job so thats good and like I said we can't all be academic my friends son unlikely to get above 2's , I onow on mn that is unbelievable as it seems all 8/9's.
If he wouldn't be petty as to leave someone out then that shows a good trait.
Off topic but quite jealous wales and scotland are getting their results ours have been like top secret with even exam scores kept hush and we are clueless if my ds is even on target

@MagnificentBottom they are saying he can’t come because they think him and his mates will cause trouble, and/or bring drugs. They don’t want the police round when they are trying to have a nice evening to celebrate their exams.

If your son would welcome in people who he fully expected to cause trouble, I suggest you don’t let him have any parties until he’s grown up a bit. Unless you’d find that hilarious too.

@Trevsadick

I don’t think that’s either pleasant or necessary

You mean you don't like that it's true?

Which part is unpleasant? Or unnecessary?

True?

That’s just plain silly. Opinions are subjective not based on factual information- not in this case anyway

@MagnificentBottom, because you've stated your son has his results. I've just googled it, and England, Scotland and Wales don't release results until August.
So, unless you live somewhere else, you have claimed something that is untrue. Schools are also not giving predicted grades (because otherwise they might as well tell students what their TAGs are), so if they have you should complain. It's unethical. 🤷🏻‍♀️

If the people excluding your DS from the party are from his school, I wouldn't assume that they are judging him just on his appearance.

It is likely that they will know him (and his 'spirited' friends) better than you are likely to know your peers at work. In school they will have been with him for years and know his behaviour from all sorts of situatons.

Can you look at him objectively (not easy for a mum) and see what (other than height and fashion) they might find intimidating about him? What does he do that might put them off? What 'spirited' behaviour might make them uncomfortable or unsafe?

I’m tired now. I really don’t want to go in to work tomorrow, do you think anyone would notice if I don’t go?

Your employer?

'That’s just plain silly. Opinions are subjective not based on factual information- not in this case anyway'
I think you may have shot yourself in the foot there...

[quote Changechangychange]@MagnificentBottom they are saying he can’t come because they think him and his mates will cause trouble, and/or bring drugs. They don’t want the police round when they are trying to have a nice evening to celebrate their exams.

If your son would welcome in people who he fully expected to cause trouble, I suggest you don’t let him have any parties until he’s grown up a bit. Unless you’d find that hilarious too.[/quote]
But his mates wouldn’t be there! I don’t let him have parties, why would I find that hilarious?!

@mineofuselessinformation

'That’s just plain silly. Opinions are subjective not based on factual information- not in this case anyway' I think you may have shot yourself in the foot there...

If you say so

@MerchSwyddEfrog ah right thanks here was the same sitting test after test but we were only given marks out of say 10
Or percentage with no indication of grade and last few nothing at all and we have been told then they get sent off for approval , results on the 12th ( i think ) then a small window to appeal
So kind of backwards

Umm, well, yes!

That’s just plain silly. Opinions are subjective not based on factual information- not in this case anyway

You said he doesn't care about not being invited.

If he was bothered about the fact that his girlfriend is in a bad position, or how he comes across, or his reputation, he would care about being excluded.

If he didn't know what is reputation was or was unhappy that he had that reputation, he would be bothered that this had stopped him being invited.

Its all based on what you said.

@TheSunShinesBright

I’m tired now. I really don’t want to go in to work tomorrow, do you think anyone would notice if I don’t go?

Your employer?

I work for myself, but have an important day tomorrow as I have children taking music exams who I need to look after.. I was only joking about not going 😁, although I probably should get some sleep now!

@mineofuselessinformation google again as wales have given and I found it straight away, and someone from
Scotland said they will get soon although not gcse in scotland

They're only provisional - and could be changed.

OP, it’s ok to feel sad that others don’t want your DS anywhere near this party.
They have their reasons and I’d be asking myself what he’s done to piss everyone off.

He’s not sulking, I was the one who felt sad, not him

I think everyone’s projecting adult feelings on to what is fundamentally a children’s party. 16 year olds in relationships and friendship groups don’t act in the same way as adults do. It’s fine for him not to be invited to his girlfriend’s friend’s party and it’s fine for her to say why. They’re 16, they’re not a married couple. I can’t even imagine he really cares that much. Don’t most 16 year old boys want to hang out with their mates rather than their girlfriend’s mates anyway?

@MagnificentBottom I am with you on not going to work tomorrow
Op you know your son and whilst I get that you feel sad as I guess you see it as others judging who don't know him so well, as long as he is ok about it then thats the main thing
Guess as mums there always our little boys as such . I loose track of my ds friendship grouos at times and def parties they won't be invited to as we don't live in the right house or ds 1 is not in the popular group etc etc

haven’t rtft but schools are giving out provisional grades. the grades that they are sending to the exam boards

[quote worriedatthemoment]@MerchSwyddEfrog ah right thanks here was the same sitting test after test but we were only given marks out of say 10
Or percentage with no indication of grade and last few nothing at all and we have been told then they get sent off for approval , results on the 12th ( i think ) then a small window to appeal
So kind of backwards [/quote]
Ours didn’t get any marks at all, so no indication of results until tags are released to pupils before being sent to exam board. The results are very unlikely to be changed by exam board as per the Scottish system just rubber stamped.