To feel a bit sad for my DS 16

[MagnificentBottom]

My DS 16, just left school. He’s not academic, didn’t like school or get particularly good exam grades, messed around a lot, hung around with the more ‘spirited’, but he’s essentially a good person who has a good heart. His girlfriend is very bright, just got great GCSE results and this weekend her friend organised a party to celebrate leaving school.
My DS was not invited, when she asked why she was told it was because he was in the wrong ‘friendship group’ and others felt intimidated by his presence. She also said that people generally when they see him deliberately walk on the other side of the road to avoid him. He’s tall, wears hoodies and a base ball cap. AIBU to think this is incredibly petty or are teenagers generally this fickle?

The friends who are spirited and naughty. Does it not worry you?

@MerchSwyddEfrog what happens if the exam board decide a school has maybe upgraded though ?

Op I have a 16 year old DS. Quite frankly he and his mates and most of the sensible hard working kids at school have been really looking forward to sixth form because the “spirited”/naughty/ disruptive kids won’t be there anymore since most don’t stay on. That type of child tends to be popular in year 7/8 when they’re making people laugh and it doesn’t really matter but by year 11 their classmates are frankly fed up of it.

And tbh the “intimidating” comment probably means he’s a bit of a bully/ disrespectful to the girls

I’m in Wales and a lot of kids here have had their GCSE grades already x

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

The friends who are spirited and naughty. Does it not worry you?

I encourage my children to have friends from all backgrounds and not to judge.

@Whoscoatsthatjacket

I’m in Wales and a lot of kids here have had their GCSE grades already x

Thank god! Was beginning to think I had dreamt his results! 😁

You teach your children to not judge people based on their behaviour?

Ah, so his friends have been annoying dicks all year and are now acting all hurt because girls don’t want them in their houses.

@HasaDigaEebowai

Op I have a 16 year old DS. Quite frankly he and his mates and most of the sensible hard working kids at school have been really looking forward to sixth form because the “spirited”/naughty/ disruptive kids won’t be there anymore since most don’t stay on. That type of child tends to be popular in year 7/8 when they’re making people laugh and it doesn’t really matter but by year 11 their classmates are frankly fed up of it.

And tbh the “intimidating” comment probably means he’s a bit of a bully/ disrespectful to the girls

Ah ok, I hadn’t realised he was a bully and disrespectful to girls

@EastWestWhosBest

Ah, so his friends have been annoying dicks all year and are now acting all hurt because girls don’t want them in their houses.

No his friends weren’t invited and don’t care, it’s just because my DS’s GF was going

Well it should have crossed your mind as a possibility given that the whole point of your thread is why have people said my son is intimidating and deliberately not invited him to the end of year party!

@MagnificentBottom people are referring to this, from an old thread:

“DS is almost 16 and smokes weed every couple of weeks and I just hate it…. Every time I talk to him about it he just points out he could be doing much worse things that his peers do such as regularly getting drunk or shoplifting.”

He presumably meant his wider peer group, not his naughty spirited mates. But you can see where the confusion arose.

It’s interesting you are thinking that the host of the party is ‘petty’ and ‘wrong’, rather than wondering why your DS might be considered intimidating or ‘in with the wrong crowd’. I can honestly tell you that if I were a 16 year old girl throwing a post-results party at my house for my friends, I wouldn’t risk the evening (or the house) by inviting someone I personally found intimidating and who’s likely to show up with his thuggish posse.

Sounds like his GF’s friends don’t like your son or his friends.

You say her friends ‘felt intimidated by his presence’ and that ‘people generally when they see him deliberately walk on the other side of the road to avoid him.’

They’ve just spent 5 years in school together. So they have a clear idea of what he and his friends are like and how they behave.

His GF’s friends obviously have their reason for not wanting him around.

‘Ah ok, I hadn’t realised he was a bully and disrespectful to girls’

Good. Glad you’re feeling enlightened OP. How will you be addressing this with golden boy?

I can honestly tell you that if I were a 16 year old girl throwing a post-results party at my house for my friends, I wouldn’t risk the evening (or the house) by inviting someone I personally found intimidating and who’s likely to show up with his thuggish posse.

This.

@Trevsadick

You teach your children to not judge people based on their behaviour?

I think you should get to know people, a lot of individuals really lack insight. I encourage friendships from all different background to have a more eclectic balanced view

What do you want from this thread?
From this thread and things you have posted previously your son has naughty friends who get drunk and shoplift. He smokes weed regularly and has done badly in his exams. People find him intimidating.

Personally I'd be worried sick not feeling sad because he wasn't invited to a party.

@TheSunShinesBright

I can honestly tell you that if I were a 16 year old girl throwing a post-results party at my house for my friends, I wouldn’t risk the evening (or the house) by inviting someone I personally found intimidating and who’s likely to show up with his thuggish posse.

This.

Thuggish posse 🤣🤣

Give the op a break, GCSE results were released in Wales this week and really had no bearing on what post was about. We will get A Level results next week too, these are the grades that are put forward by teacher and there is a strict deadline if anyone feels the results are wrong. Not everyone does the same as England.

Have you been smoking your son's weed op?

I can't answer your question but I wouldn't want my teenage daughter going out with a weed smoker and her friends are clearly picking up on this vibe from him

@MagnificentBottom not sure what you want from this thread
People have given you reasons why they think he may not of been invited but none of us know your ds so people can only summise or guess
I have 2 ds and different friendship grouos are common and they don't always mix
When my older ds left school after parties there were several of as some would not invite others as different groups etc

MagnificentBottom people think he has drugs because they've read something you posted before.

Couldn't you just say that you're in Wales and provisional results have been released in Wales? 56 million people live in England and 3 million in Wales, so its unsurprising that there are more English posters than Welsh! Those of us not in the majority country for the site usually say so if it's relevant to what we're talking about!

So the boys who are invited will feel intimidated by your son so the group are not inviting him?

And you don't have any concerns about your son? Ffs. Don't feel sad for him, feel worried about him and the path he is on.

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

What do you want from this thread? From this thread and things you have posted previously your son has naughty friends who get drunk and shoplift. He smokes weed regularly and has done badly in his exams. People find him intimidating. Personally I'd be worried sick not feeling sad because he wasn't invited to a party.

I’m not sure why you would be worried sick? He has lots of positive stuff going on as well