I'm learning a lot from this thread.
Apparently its mean of girls to not to automatically like their friend's BF. And its wrong that they should have an opinion of him which isn't absolutely glowing and in line with his mother who thinks the sun shines out of his arse.
The mother has clearly swallowed all the euphamisms that teachers have probably used over the years or has created them herself because no one is allowed to say 'your son mucks about, hangs out with the wrong crowd and has behaviour that disrupts and has a negative impact on everyone else'. Apparently being "spirited" is how you phrase being what we'd have called being "a little shit" in my day. And if you point out how this behaviour is not particularly well recieved by others, you get called close minded and not accepting of others. Forgetting of course, that these girls have had to probably put up with the disruptive inconsiderate behaviour for years in class. It seems all these euphamisms aren't really helping matters and instead are being used to hide behind rather than face up to reality.
Instead, as well as having to put up with a troublesome lad and his friends for years in school, which undeniably will have disrupted their education to a degree, when they are finally shot of the disruptive, disrespectful and arrogant behaviour and decide to do something without the extra hassle, this is somehow deemed unfair and they should be more accepting and tolerant and should all be friends. Lala la. We all live happily ever after. Damn those girls for not being tolerant throughout every class at high school.
If your friends are funny, and make their mother laugh, they are a good sort. Never mind their behaviour at other times and whether they may be 'spirited' at inappropriate times. The thought that being the class clown constantly performing for attention when you are trying to learn algebra might not go down so well with everyone for a reason clearly doesn't enter everyone's head.
The fact that doing badly in your exams is A Ok 'because not everyone can get 8s and 9s' whilst simulateanously admitting your son has a drug problem isn't cognitive dissonance. Its the prejudices of others that are the issue. And the kid should be allowed to P-A-R-T-Y even more with his gf's mean friends. Who obviously won't be at all worried by the boy's drug habit and are mean for this.
Of course, if you say that how all this might add up to being 'a bully and disrespectful to girls' its twisted as snobbery. Rather than accepting that your son's drug habit is impacting on others, your son's mates and their behaviour is impacting on others, and this is generally negative and not respecting others who feel uncomfortable with this and maybe want to focus on education rather than dicking about in class. It is ok to minimise and be dismissive of this, because its 'spirited' behaviour and its 'funny'.
On top of this its not 'just weed'. Its other anti-social behaviour like getting drunk. And actual criminal activity like shop lifting in this circle of friends. But you should be mates with people with all backgrounds on the one hand, but also on the other you don't really like the behaviour. Which leaves you wondering about this phrase 'consequences of actions' and wondering about how its ok to worry about hanging out with the wrong crowd whilst simulataneously saying others should be hanging out with someone who is part of the wrong crowd.
Its almost as if putting 2 and 2 together is beyond a mother's love. Its easier to live in cognitive dissonance land and whinge about 'mean nice girls being snobby and unfriendly' rather than think about how choices of your own child are having ramifications and are of their own god damn making. And of course this is stella parenting.
OP, you are not being unreasonable to feel sad for your son. But your reasoning about why you should feel sad is way off.
But really, stop it with the defence of what sounds a lot like the indefenciable. Your son is now 16. He's going to be starting work. He needs to grow up and realise that if he hangs out with certain people its not going to be a positive thing in his life, even if they are funny. And you need to be the one blasting that message home cos no other fucker will. Anyone who put up with it for the last 11 years in education doesn't have to anymore. A bad attitude and inconsiderate behaviour in the work place won't be tolerated for long from a 16 year old. Especially one with a drug habit. Even if its 'only weed'. Hanging out with people who haven't helped with supporting you in the face of academic challenges, isn't going to help you with your career in the long run.
The idea that there are kids that are not academic, leave school at 16 but manage somehow not to take weed or hang out with shop lifters is clearly a stretch here too.
Wakey wakey OP.
This isn't about the goddam party and 'mean friends of his gf'.
Good luck with the next few years. I hope they aren't as turbulant for you as the writing on the wall looks like it might be.