To feel a bit sad for my DS 16

[MagnificentBottom]

My DS 16, just left school. He’s not academic, didn’t like school or get particularly good exam grades, messed around a lot, hung around with the more ‘spirited’, but he’s essentially a good person who has a good heart. His girlfriend is very bright, just got great GCSE results and this weekend her friend organised a party to celebrate leaving school.
My DS was not invited, when she asked why she was told it was because he was in the wrong ‘friendship group’ and others felt intimidated by his presence. She also said that people generally when they see him deliberately walk on the other side of the road to avoid him. He’s tall, wears hoodies and a base ball cap. AIBU to think this is incredibly petty or are teenagers generally this fickle?

@PhilCornwall1

Would love to know what kind of job your mum gets for you aged 16 that leads to a “lucrative career”

Chief Exec of the fruit section at the local ASDA.

Wow this is beyond insulting

I don't think it is petty or fickle to decide who you invite to a party, it's your choice. Assuming the friend of the girlfriend is being honest it may actually be helpful for your DS to know how he is perceived by others.

Why is it being assumed it's an all girls party? Did I miss something?

If it is mixed it may well be the boys in the group don't want to hang out with your son. Perhaps his 'funny' mates weren't very nice to them during their school time (however respectful they apparently are to their girlfriends), perhaps his friends rather enjoy their reputation of being intimidating. Rightly or wrongly, we are judged by the company we keep!

Op this is a good lesson for your son that actions have consequences. I can imagine there are other words to describe his company as spirited. To join that bunch he must be one of them?? Odd that he is best of that bunch according to you. As adults we keep away from bad people, situations and the like but as younger children you expect them to look past that. This was exactly the same as when I was in school. We stayed away from the bad/spirited bunch. Your ds needs to have a good think about the decisions he is making. He is being described as intimidating probably for a reason not known to you but those who see much more at school. You know the saying 'you are the company you keep'? Your ds can turn this around but he needs to realise firstly what's happened and then change that.

So, the base line is, you feel sad because your son was not invited to a party but his girlfriend, a separate human entity with presumably different friends, was?

@Gallowayan people have backsearched her username

Why is it being assumed it's an all girls party? Did I miss something

I think the op confirmed that it isn’t actually an all girls party and the comments have come from the invited boys

Can you all just leave it alone about the GCSE results! We're in Wales and all the schools in my area have out the grades that are being submitted to the WJEC on Friday. Yes, at this stage they are provisional but unless you're planning to appeal these are likely to be your final grades.

@massistar

Can you all just leave it alone about the GCSE results! We're in Wales and all the schools in my area have out the grades that are being submitted to the WJEC on Friday. Yes, at this stage they are provisional but unless you're planning to appeal these are likely to be your final grades.

But but … England hasn’t had theirs so it can’t be true. If it hasn’t happened in England I just don’t believe it’s happened…

Not rtft but the GCSE results were only submitted to exam boards in England on Friday - we are not allowed to share with the students?!

OP you need to stop thinking “DS’s gf has horrible friends that leave my DS out” and come to terms with your DS’s intimidating anti-social behaviour.

1. He takes drugs.
2. Involved in anti-social/disruptive behaviour in and out of school.
3. Shit grades, shit work ethic.

If I was a teen girl, I wouldn’t invite your son either. Teens at his school know him better than you. They see his behaviour. They know his reputation. His bad behaviour would ruin their little gathering.

On my trip to work I see that many posters have confirmed that education is devolved in Wales and so has different procedures - thank goodness!

Yes, A level and GCSE results have been given. They are provisional so that they can be appealed in case of any mistakes I administrating the assessments (extra time, readers, colour paper etc).

And to echo what BabyPink1 said - ‘nice’ young people are pretty intolerant of unacceptable behaviour. You should be questioning what your son is really up to…it may not be a pleasant thought but is certainly something that needs examining before it’s too late.

So a group of girls should invite a boy that they are open and honest about feeling intimidated by???

You might find it hard to understand but women have a right to say that they don't want to be in the presence of someone that don't feel comfortable with. Whether this hurts your son's feelings or not is irrelevant, if he's making women feel uncomfortable with his behaviour he needs to take a long hard look at himself and figure out whether this is something he wants to be part of his future or he needs to moderate his behaviour and then won't be excluded from events (maybe jobs too!!)

@SnappedAndFarted18 is a perfect example of that type of poster who gets so irate when the OP doesn’t instantly kowtow to their opinion that they get more and more unreasonable and aggressive in their responses to punish the OP. There’s no way you can judge the OP as a shit parent on the basis of one mumsnet post, but the absolute fury that OP hasn’t donned sackcloth and ashes on your say so is palpable.

@Twinkie01

So a group of girls should invite a boy that they are open and honest about feeling intimidated by???

You might find it hard to understand but women have a right to say that they don't want to be in the presence of someone that don't feel comfortable with. Whether this hurts your son's feelings or not is irrelevant, if he's making women feel uncomfortable with his behaviour he needs to take a long hard look at himself and figure out whether this is something he wants to be part of his future or he needs to moderate his behaviour and then won't be excluded from events (maybe jobs too!!)

The GFs friends are not just girls, why are you handwringing and making such broad generalisations? The GF feels more than comfortable to tell her bf why he's not invited and she obviously like him. Stop acting as if he's trampling over women's rights etc. Also smoking weed is legal in a large amount of countries and isn't particularly what you would class as "taking drugs" All this insinuation that this young guy is the worst of the worst is quite depressing.

what area are you in? I have 12 August the date the GCSE results are given out

@SallyCinnabon 😂 and they're still at it even after OP and several other posters have stated that Wales is different!!

I think it's reasonable as they should not invite anyone they feel is intimidating.

Your DS should think about it and consider what about his friends is intimidating and if that's possibly a reasonable way to interpret things. He should then consider if that is how he wants to be thought about? He's left school now so he needs to think like an adult and become the person he wants to be. That might mean cutting some friends out of his circle to protect himself from going the wrong way in life.

This can’t be real, no-one would actually be proud of their parenting if this was their kid.

@Roomonb

This can’t be real, no-one would actually be proud of their parenting if this was their kid.

What an ignorant comment to make!!!!!! I have 2 children, have brought them up the same. My daughter is a student leader, excellent grades, now in sixth form, lots of lovely friends, polite, kind hearted and really lovely girl. My son always hated school from the day he started, his school reports always said he lacked focus, couldn’t stay on task etc They all said as he got older things would improve…they never did. I tried to encourage and motivate wherever I could, nothing helped. He now is a very troubled teen and the absolute opposite to my daughter in every possible way.

This can’t be real, no-one would actually be proud of their parenting if this was their kid.

Of course they could. There are loads of horribly behaved kids out there but their parents are unlikely to see things that way. Their parents love them and these kids are often “popular” and so their parents think all is well.

There are loads like it at my dcs school. Unfortunately lots in the high achiever group too which means their parents are completely blinkered.

Also smoking weed is legal in a large amount of countries and isn't particularly what you would class as "taking drugs"

Lots of things are legal in other countries, it’s irrelevant. They aren’t here and yes he’s taking drugs.

He now is a very troubled teen and the absolute opposite to my daughter in every possible way

Are you posting about how your sins behave makes you laugh and it's not really a problem.

And all this won't impact him, because you got him a job and that will surely fix the problem?

I wouldn't worry OP I'd be very surprised if this relationship lasted much longer. It sounds like the girl will be doing A-levels and planning going to uni and you son is going to go straight into work at 16. Nothing wrong with either path but once they're no longer at the same setting spending all their time together I'd imagine it would be over fairly quickly, they're very young. Sensible kids tend to just invite their friends to parties, as soon as you start opening it up and letting people bring other people it can get very messy. I went to some very messy parties in my teens.....

All those people complaining about weed and it being a drug, I assume you neither smoke, drink or take prescription drugs. Look at hospital admissions for alcohol and smoking related illnesses and then look at the same for weed.