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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends wedding

235 replies

Sw93 · 20/06/2021 21:08

Hello!
Sorry newbie here... And after some advice / reassurance I suppose.
I'm currently pregnant with my first baby.
My close friend is getting married in the start of the new year and I'm set to be a bridesmaid so will be there throughout. My baby at that point will be 3 months old. The couple have specifically told me and my other half that they are not having children and do not want our baby at the wedding. I'm trying to be understanding but am finding it difficult... I have asked whether this is just for the ceremony and they have stated it is the whole event. Their wedding is not local and I plan to breast feed. My friend has told me to express and give the baby a bottle and why can't her grandma have her for the weekend. In my eyes 3 months is way too early to leave a baby without its parents for an entire weekend. I cant see myself wanting to be without her for the whole day let alone the weekend and (no judgement to those who chose to bottle feed) but that is not my personal plan and I don't see why I should be made to change my feeding choices for my child.
Aside from this, I'm actually quite hurt that my friend has also uninvited me to the hen party (that I helped to plan) as in her words a baby would mean people won't have a good time. I told her that I obviously wouldn't stay over night etc, but as my baby would only be 2 months at this stage I'd have to bring her to the day activities. My friend has then told me she'd rather not have us there then as she thinks a baby would ruin the atmosphere 🙄

I'm at a loss and feeling a little hurt tbh, what do I do? I don't want to fall out with our friends but I feel I need to put my child first.
This pregnancy has been a difficult journey so far with a lot of health issues and sadly resulting in the recent loss of my babys twin. I understand that everyone's babys are precious to them, but I really can't see with my current high anxiety me being able to leave her so soon. 😔 Help!
Xx

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 20/06/2021 21:11

What do you do? You stay home and find a new friend. Not only is she stupid, she's a horrible person.

NeverMetANiceOne · 20/06/2021 21:11

I've been in your position, your friend is telling you who she is, listen to her. This situation won't get better by itself.
I would suggest you explain clearly, and without emotion, that you simply are unable to be her bridesmaid under the circumstances, wish her the very best and draw a line under the friendship.

Butchyrestingface · 20/06/2021 21:12

My friend has told me to express and give the baby a bottle and why can't her grandma have her for the weekend.

Get her tae fuck.

DoucheCanoe · 20/06/2021 21:13

I wouldn't want a baby at my hen do either tbh so I'd say that's fair enough.

Expecting you to express and feed plus ask your Mum to keep baby for the weekend however is a ridiculous request!

I'd explain that it's not feasible for you to go, send your apologies and well wishes.

Terminallysleepdeprived · 20/06/2021 21:13

Personally I wouldn't be going to the wedding then. She is no friend.

PurpleDaisies · 20/06/2021 21:13

Tell your friend you’re unable to be a bridesmaid without being able to have your baby there. Wish her well but she’s being unreasonable in expecting you to leave your baby at that age.

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/06/2021 21:14

She’s an idiot.

Say no, find better friends.

If you prioritise the numbnut demands of this person over the needs of yourself and your baby then you’re worse than her.

Bouncebacker · 20/06/2021 21:15

“I’m sure the wedding will be wonderful but I won’t be ready to leave my baby at that stage so I’m afraid I can’t make it - perhaps we could celebrate with you both at another time?”

ApplesandBananas21 · 20/06/2021 21:15

Honestly I wouldn't go

ShirleyPhallus · 20/06/2021 21:15

Your friend sounds like a knob

I wouldn’t want a baby at a hen do though

Sorry for your loss

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/06/2021 21:15

save yourself the energy money and time celebrating this ungrateful bitch!
Irony is when she falls pregnant she’ll be up your back side trying to friend you again- post baby shower, gender reveal obviously

Rainbowqueeen · 20/06/2021 21:16

I’d just decline. Tell her that what she wants just isn’t possible due to age of baby but that you wish them a wonderful day and will be thinking of them. Buy a lovely gift. Offer to take her out for a special lunch or afternoon tea in lieu of the hen party
People without kids often struggle to understand the impact of what they are asking. If they go on to have kids she will probably be mortified when she realises

PurpleDaisies · 20/06/2021 21:16

I agree that no baby at a hen do is fair enough though.

Tereseta · 20/06/2021 21:16

She is showing her true colours here, no true friend would do treat you like this.
I would disengage from the wedding, explain calmly that you are unable to attend without your baby and wish her all the best for the day.
When she has a baby she will hopefully realise how she has treated you.

MerryDecembermas · 20/06/2021 21:16

Your "friend" is a controlling twat and you're well rid. Just wait and watch her behaviour get worse as the wedding approaches!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/06/2021 21:17

FYI a 2 month old exclusively breastfed baby at a hen would be so so difficult, doubt you’d really be able to join in ! But still your friend is a cow!

Tereseta · 20/06/2021 21:17

Saying that I think I wouldn't attend the hen day with the baby.

Travis1 · 20/06/2021 21:17

Tell her to ram it and find new friends. What an utterly horrible person she sounds

BlueSurfer · 20/06/2021 21:17

Just decline the invite and enjoy spending the time with your baby at home.

Notonthestairs · 20/06/2021 21:18

@Bouncebacker

“I’m sure the wedding will be wonderful but I won’t be ready to leave my baby at that stage so I’m afraid I can’t make it - perhaps we could celebrate with you both at another time?”
This works perfectly.

Back out now. She has time to find a new BM and you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy without having to worry about the wedding.

ZenNudist · 20/06/2021 21:18

I assume she doesn't have children. She doesn't get it and clearly you aren't important to her. I'm sorry. You cant go. It won't work. Your boobs will be bursting. It's murder expressing in a bridesmaid dress. Stay strong and say that you won't be going without baby and that she will find out why when she has children.

Some good friends would let you bring a baby to a day part of the hen do but tbh shes fair enough not wanting a baby there.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 20/06/2021 21:18

@DoucheCanoe

I wouldn't want a baby at my hen do either tbh so I'd say that's fair enough.

Expecting you to express and feed plus ask your Mum to keep baby for the weekend however is a ridiculous request!

I'd explain that it's not feasible for you to go, send your apologies and well wishes.

I agree. I think it's fine for a baby not to be included in the hen but the rest is her just being a shit friend.
BritWifeInUSA · 20/06/2021 21:18

The friendship has run its course. Decline the invitation to be her bridesmaid and move on.

N4ish · 20/06/2021 21:20

Your friend is trying to push you away without being brave enough to come out and say so. You’re her bridesmaid and she’s uninvited you from the hen party? Actions speak louder than words.

I would tell her politely that your baby has to come first and as she’s not able to make minor allowances for that you won’t be attending the wedding.

Gullible2021 · 20/06/2021 21:20

She's not a friend.

Put your baby first, not the Bridezilla. I'm so sorry about the loss of one of your babies Flowers. Wishing you all the best with the remainder of the pregnancy and with new motherhood.

Seriously, just tell her you can't go. She's shown her true colours. She's being nasty about your child before they've even arrived. Fair enough about the hen do, but not the wedding.