Friends wedding

[Sw93]

Hello!
Sorry newbie here... And after some advice / reassurance I suppose.
I'm currently pregnant with my first baby.
My close friend is getting married in the start of the new year and I'm set to be a bridesmaid so will be there throughout. My baby at that point will be 3 months old. The couple have specifically told me and my other half that they are not having children and do not want our baby at the wedding. I'm trying to be understanding but am finding it difficult... I have asked whether this is just for the ceremony and they have stated it is the whole event. Their wedding is not local and I plan to breast feed. My friend has told me to express and give the baby a bottle and why can't her grandma have her for the weekend. In my eyes 3 months is way too early to leave a baby without its parents for an entire weekend. I cant see myself wanting to be without her for the whole day let alone the weekend and (no judgement to those who chose to bottle feed) but that is not my personal plan and I don't see why I should be made to change my feeding choices for my child.
Aside from this, I'm actually quite hurt that my friend has also uninvited me to the hen party (that I helped to plan) as in her words a baby would mean people won't have a good time. I told her that I obviously wouldn't stay over night etc, but as my baby would only be 2 months at this stage I'd have to bring her to the day activities. My friend has then told me she'd rather not have us there then as she thinks a baby would ruin the atmosphere 🙄

I'm at a loss and feeling a little hurt tbh, what do I do? I don't want to fall out with our friends but I feel I need to put my child first.
This pregnancy has been a difficult journey so far with a lot of health issues and sadly resulting in the recent loss of my babys twin. I understand that everyone's babys are precious to them, but I really can't see with my current high anxiety me being able to leave her so soon. 😔 Help!
Xx

Just adding my voice to the chorus. Your friend sounds like a complete narcissist - don't leave you baby, if you don't want to. You will be just as happy without her.

Unfortunately you have no choice. You won't be able to go and she'll have to find another bridesmaid. Her loss.

British people seem to be fixated on perfect these days rather than family and fun, buffets are common elsewhere

I would change the word "British" to "Many brides", but I agree with you.
I'm sure that the stress that brides feel when organising a wedding is because they are ttrying to achieve "perfection".

All you need are the basics - the ceremony, the venue, food, drink, the flowers, the cake, music and guests. The rest is just window dressing.

I think YABU. sorry!

A baby at a hen, day/ weekend designed for drinking and silliness is a terrible idea. Absolutely your baby would sour the atmosphere, just because it's a women's only event, doesnt mean that it's a maternal event!

As for the wedding it's a shame you and your friend couldnt reach a compromise, but ultimately it's her wedding and I see her point of view. No you shouldn't have to change your feeding plan to attend her wedding, but equally she shouldn't have to change her wedding to suit your feeding plan.

It is really unreasonable to expect to be able to take a baby to any part of a hen do, as it's an adult event. Of course, if the bride offers or suggests it as an option then that's completely different.

Your friend and you have different priorities. It's absolutely fine for her to choose to have no children at her wedding. It isn't fine for her to expect you to just be OK with leaving your baby and cracking on with bridesmaid duties. Equally it isn't OK for you to expect her to make an exception.

I'd politely decline and explain that it just isn't do-able for you, but you wish her the very best and would love to catch up and see the photos. I wouldn't create a drama or fall out with someone over this. From what you've written you've both been a bit out of order really.

I'm with her on the hen party- I have a ebf baby and am going to a friend's hen party. I can't leave my baby for too long and so DH will be I charge of him and bring him to me for a feed - I will feed in the car. I am not attending the evenings/night events.

Couldn't you do something similar for the afternoon tea?

there’s no way you’ll be able to guarantee that you can even express at that stage. my LO is 12 weeks and she feeds so so frequently that when i pump there’s nothing there really. i would absolutely decline.

I would decline the invite and wish her a happy day.

I don't think it is unreasonable to have a baby at a hen do, I had babies at mine for the afternoon, but I can see it might not be how she envisaged hers. She may simply not realise the logistics of having a baby and when the are explained she may be willing to make an exception for her bridesmaid (for the wedding day even if not for the hen).

My baby is 3 months old and I obviously wouldn't leave him for the weekend, even if I had a freezer full of expressed milk. It really is a completely unreasonable suggestion as everyone has said. However, the bride may not realise this.

I don't think it is unreasonable to have a baby at a hen do, I had babies at mine

it's not OP's Wedding/Hen