DH injured but DH stays silent

[jenbendy]

My DH is quiet and passive. It's his way. Would do anything to avoid confrontation.

We went out for a meal for Father's Day. Two adults and three teenagers. One of my meal sides comes in a pan. It was placed in front of me, handle facing me, no warning. I went to turn it around and the handle was red hot and badly burnt my hand. I rushed to the toilet to run it under cold water then told staff, who brought me ice. My DH sat silent throughout with his head down. We half heartedly finished the meal, me with a throbbing hand.

DH waited for me to get the bill and pay. I said to the staff more firmly that I'm not happy about the service or my hand. They said sorry. I paid and we left.

Now home and DH acts like nothing has happened. I wish I'd been more assertive at the restaurant and asked for a refund but my hand was hurting. I also didn't feel backed up.

Why didn't he take charge? Or is that asking too much?

Feeling like a fool. If it was the other way round I would've taken care of it.

@Bluntness100

Oh no, not you again. Do you ever say anything nice to anyone? That's the thread done for me when the nasty ones arrive for a pile on.

Wow really? For saying he should have asked if you were ok and you should have realised the pan was hot? 😂

😂 I know you’ve decided that on this thread you’re going to take against the OP and then belittle them (I’ve been here a long time too, you’re an old hand, I know how you operate) but don’t be obtuse. It’s a legal responsibility for a restaurant server to inform a diner that the pot has been under a heating element and is bastard hot, especially if they’re going to leave the handle pointing at them. Unless they enjoy getting routinely sued by litigious diners, that is.

Food is served on all sorts of shit these days, shovels, planks, jars, on the torso of a desperate man, you can’t assume it has been cooked in said receptacle and will therefore be hot.

*Unless they enjoy getting routinely sued by litigious diners, that is.
*
If my dinner was served on the torso of a desperate man I'd definitely be feeling litigious
😂

@momager1

UrAWizHarry NO NEVER ICE. I did not say ICE. Ice is a big no no .

True, you didn't, my mistake.

I'd be extremely unconvinced about using vinegar either. Just water is the best thing to do. If you need to use anything beyond that it really is a trip to a&e.

@TinaYouFatLard

You are an adult and clearly capable of dealing with this yourself.

This.

Should your DH take control and take over. Surely it's your hand and you know how bad it is - speak up if you feel so strongly about it. You are an adult and don't need him to speak for you!

Yanbu- i banged my head on a clear glass shelf when clothes shopping for with an ex (we were int he men's looking for him) it really hurt and I felt sick etc and he walk off and left me and didn't ask how I was. Needless to say we didn't last long.

I find this kind of behaviour so inconceivable. I can't believe that if someone would do this kind of thing. And yes I would expect the non injured party to show some concern and try and sort some help.

Hope you are on the mend op 💐

That sounds really painful OP.

I think you should be going to A&E, that sounds like a very bad burn.

Unbelievable of thèm not to tell you that it was so hot.

I certainly don't need anyone to speak for me but I would be stunned if my husband dipped his head when I have been injured by someone else's negligence.

I think that needs a dressing on it.

I think that if this had happened to my DH, I would have been concerned for him, checked he was ok - but wouldn't have complained on his behalf. We'd perhaps have spoken about it through the meal e.g me saying 'thats bad they didn't earn you, does it still hurt/how bad is it' etc etc and then maybe decided together whether to complain.

The handle turned towards you is very dangerous, especially as it was red hot.

Deeply incompetent.

Take photographs of it OP and I most definitely be back onto the restaurant.

Their staff needs better training for sure.

For what it’s worth, yes it should be obvious that pans served to the table are hot. But it also should be served with the warning of it being hot.

I've had dishes served in pans before. Some of them were hot as in too hot to really tocuh but you wouldn't burn yourself on them unless you just left your hand there n purpose.
Some of them were extremely hot, a do not touch at nay cost, type of hot.

it sounds like the OP was in that second categopry and I don't there is any way to actually know which on this will be, esp if there has been no warning. For me there is nothing 'obvious' to the fact a pan like this will be dangerously hot.

OP, please get your hand checked out. Just because your partner is a drip and doesn’t care enough, you need to care about yourself. Next, talk to a solicitor about a claim for negligence against the restaurant. They have a duty of care to inform customers of plates/pans that are too hot and the fact you’ve burnt your hand and it’s blistered is evidence enough of how hot it was.

I can’t believe that you meekly paid for your meal afterwards. That’s nuts!!

Reminds me of my ex who was also a wet lettuce and left me to deal with all the difficult stuff. Thankfully, I realised what a twat he was after my mum died.

In contrast, DH is great and will step in, if he can see I need support such as when a Consultant was trying to bully me in hospital about a particular course of action. He’s very good at firm diplomacy.

All the people whonare saying 'I wouldnt have wanted my DH to make a fuss/tell the manager etc..'.
I agree with you for a small burn.
But this was not a small burn. This is a burn that requires a doctor to have a look at it (even though the OP doesn't want to - another issue altogether).
I think the attitude to take is different between a small accident that really doesn;'t cause much harm and one where you require medical attention.
The reaction I would expect from my partner would be different too.

@CatbellsQueen

Seems like this thread quickly went one way and then it turned into a school like competition where posters couldn't wait to make out how big they are and how they could deal with it themselves. It's pathetic. No wonder the OP is upset.

How big they are lol. Or just grown ups.

@jenbendy, btw I fully agree that you shouold seek some medical attention.
All well and good to say it feels ok now. But it's a big burn, with blisters, in yur hand. All the hallmark of needing more care than the home made stuff.

@Erikrie

Christ, I'd be concerned about anyone I was out with who had injured themselves, particularly my dp. Sure you could deal with it yourself, but it doesn't sound like much of a caring relationship. Utterly bizarre some of the responses here.

I agree @Erikrie. I’m surprised by the number of people who would apparently find it perfectly normal for their husbands to pretend nothing had happened if they got hurt. For him to sit there with his head down and say nothing is very odd. He didn’t even ask her if she was OK. I’d do that even if it was a complete stranger.

@KeepingTrack

All the people whonare saying 'I wouldnt have wanted my DH to make a fuss/tell the manager etc..'. I agree with you for a small burn. But this was not a small burn. This is a burn that requires a doctor to have a look at it (even though the OP doesn't want to - another issue altogether). I think the attitude to take is different between a small accident that really doesn;'t cause much harm and one where you require medical attention. The reaction I would expect from my partner would be different too.

If the op has chosen not to see a doctor you have no grounds for the assumption that it needs medical attention. And no, it still didn't need op's dh to deal with it on her behalf. Him not bothering to ask how she was feeling is something entirely different.

I think it’s the head down, not saying anything which would frustrate me. It’s as if your DH was keeping out of it as he didn’t agree that anything was wrong. You just need someone to at least appear to be providing you with support and empathy. And obviously you wouldn’t assume the pan handle was hot. Staff would normally tell you, as they do if they bring a plate out that’s hot to the touch. Why would the handle be necessarily hot? Depends on whether the pan had been on a job or in the oven. Hope your hand feels better in the morning op.

This reminds me of the time when I slipped on a muddy car park at a children's farm. I was 7 months pregnant. Thankfully baby was fine but I really hurt my elbow.
My (now ex) partner just walked off as I'd apparently embarrassed him by falling in public.

@KeepingTrack

For what it’s worth, yes it should be obvious that pans served to the table are hot. But it also should be served with the warning of it being hot.

I've had dishes served in pans before. Some of them were hot as in too hot to really tocuh but you wouldn't burn yourself on them unless you just left your hand there n purpose.
Some of them were extremely hot, a do not touch at nay cost, type of hot.

it sounds like the OP was in that second categopry and I don't there is any way to actually know which on this will be, esp if there has been no warning. For me there is nothing 'obvious' to the fact a pan like this will be dangerously hot.

I get that - but OP assumed it wasnt hot. Anyway, I’ve already said there should be a warning from the restaurant and her husband should have shown concern, I’m not out to criticise the OP, I just personally wouldn’t grab onto a pan handle if I didn’t know if it was hot or not.

@MyHusbandIsARockStar

He should have showed concern as you were hurt. He should offer to take you to hospital if your hand needs to be seen by a doctor.

I don’t understand the refund part. How would that help?

Recognition that you go to a restaurant for an enjoyable meal out, and that having your hand burnt kind of ruins that?

Hope you are feeling a bit better. If you are concerned at all on how to help it give 111 a call. I would of also been annoyed at his avoidance. How would he have reacted if it had been one of the kids. Was it a case of you being an adult so didn't bother or would he ignore the kids too? Bet he would expect different from you if it had been him!

It's in a pan? Surely common sense is telling you it's going to be hot. You wouldn't put your hand on a skillet.

No wonder your DH kept quiet.

Think when you're hurting/had an accident, you just want someone to step up and take over. Totally get it.

DH has previous for escalating situations, which can be embarrassing.

But @SlipperyDippery, the OP didn't have a choice because the handle was towards her?

@Bluntness100

Isn’t it obvious these pans are hot? He could have said are you ok, but honestly, of course it was hot.I think this was your error here op.

No, of course it isn't obvious. And any sensible restaurant makes sure that the waiter warns the customer if they are.

I don't understand why he has to take charge. Yes he should have asked you how your hand was, but you surely didn't expect him to kick up a fuss with the restaurant when you touched a pan handle? (I've never had a meal in a pan that wasn't hot, that's common sense surely?)