DH injured but DH stays silent

[jenbendy]

My DH is quiet and passive. It's his way. Would do anything to avoid confrontation.

We went out for a meal for Father's Day. Two adults and three teenagers. One of my meal sides comes in a pan. It was placed in front of me, handle facing me, no warning. I went to turn it around and the handle was red hot and badly burnt my hand. I rushed to the toilet to run it under cold water then told staff, who brought me ice. My DH sat silent throughout with his head down. We half heartedly finished the meal, me with a throbbing hand.

DH waited for me to get the bill and pay. I said to the staff more firmly that I'm not happy about the service or my hand. They said sorry. I paid and we left.

Now home and DH acts like nothing has happened. I wish I'd been more assertive at the restaurant and asked for a refund but my hand was hurting. I also didn't feel backed up.

Why didn't he take charge? Or is that asking too much?

Feeling like a fool. If it was the other way round I would've taken care of it.

[0blio]

@TinaYouFatLard

You are an adult and clearly capable of dealing with this yourself.

I don't think the OP was asking too much in expecting her husband to back her up when she was injured.

[BooomShakeTheRoom]

A refund wouldn't have been appropriate, unless the food wasnt to correct standard and you couldn't eat it.

Restaurants can't survive if everyone who doesn't like it wants a refund. Just don't go back.

[UrAWizHarry]

The staff should probably had warned you it was hot but beyond that, it's not really their fault you burned yourself.

I would expect sympathy from OH though, that's pretty shitty.

[jenbendy]

You touched a pan and got burned. They apologised. End of. Why make a mountain out of it? Next time, touch a pan quickly to see if it's hot before grasping it.


There really wasn't anything to indicate it would be so red hot. My hand is blistered where I touched it. It was scorching! The staff admitted the person should've warned me.

[Ourlady]

That would have upset me! Sitting with his head down is quite pathetic really. He didn't have to make a massive show but could have found the balls to join in with your complaint and show concern for you injury.
I would be having a right go at him for that.
Hope your hand isn't too badly hurt. Aloe vera juice from a plant is fantastic to rub on burns if you happen to have one

[Ourlady]

And I would be emailing the restaurant to complain detailing what had happened. Imagine if a child had grabbed that handle when it was put down.

[UrAWizHarry]

Just as an aside, don't use anything other than reasonably cold water on a burn.

Ice can cause further tissue damage or even cause frostbite if left in contact with the skin for too long. You just need to get the heat out of it, you don't want to freeze it.

[jenbendy]

Got lashings of germolene on it now. Didn't realise ice wasn't a good idea.

The skin is blistered though

DH now asleep watching the football

[lastcall]

I agree with ourlady ... imagine if it had been a child who'd reached out and grabbed a handle placed in front of them without a word of warning.

[blackcat86]

There's a few things here. I can see why you are disappointed in your DH. I'm a first aid trainer and it's concerning that the restaurant gave you ice. This won't have helped and may have made it worse than cool running water. Did they not have a first aid kit with burn gel or anything to offer you? If your whole hand is blistered then you need to go A&E to be seen. I would most definitely complain to the restaurant about the incident happening, their lack of first aid for you and lack of basic customer service when something goes wrong. Has your DH just not even asked about your hand? I can imagine it's quite clearly painful given your description.

[MyHusbandIsARockStar]

Refund wouldn't of helped really. Just felt they 'got away' with poor service and a ruined meal and I was a push over.

But if I felt that way, I’d have left. I wouldn’t have stayed with a sore burnt hand and ate a meal if it was that bad.

Your husband should of course have checked if you were ok, showed concern, as should your teens. My husband and kids would do that, but if I didn’t say I wanted to leave, he would presume I must be ok.

Tell your husband it’s bloody sore and that a bit of TLC would be nice! Just because he’s quiet and passive, that’s no reason for him not to show concern and care for you.

I hope you’re ok, go to hospital if you think it needs checking out. I had a burn to my hand that blistered a few years ago and needed hospital treatment. It healed quite fast but the doctor said it was at risk of infection so needed proper treatment.

[UrAWizHarry]

It's probably worth emailing the resturant and saying that they need better first aid procedures in place, and that they should be warning customers about potentially hot dishes. If your hand is significantly blistered I would get yourself to a doctor just to get it checked out.

You are an adult though, it's a bit daft to just grab a pan, presumably made of metal, straight off the bat warning or no warning. I wouldn't be expected a refund or anything like that. I would, however, expect at least a bit of sympathy from your OH.

[Egeegogxmv]

DH now asleep watching the football
is he, well, if he gets hurt you now know to act like nothing happened!

[jenbendy]

It's not bad enough for a&e and I wouldn't bother them.

Germolene has numbed most of it.

I'm feeling sorry for myself, I know I am. It would just be nice to have someone else step in for once. Not to be. I'll survive.

Time for a cup of tea.

[MyHusbandIsARockStar]

The skin is blistered though

I’ve just seen you said it’s blistered, I think you should go to hospital. My blisters were on my fingertips and was told that I could potentially lose some feeling. I didn’t and it all healed well but the doctor said that when burns blister they should always be seen. I had to have them dressed and then had to go back 2 days later for further treatment and re dressing.

[Mischance]

My OH was just like this - anything that smacked of confrontation and he vanished into his shell and left me to it. Used to drive me mad! I was capable of dealing with these things but it was always me who had to do it. For example if anything went wrong at school with the children and needed dealing with, it was never him who had to get on the case, always me.

[UrAWizHarry]

@jenbendy

It's not bad enough for a&e and I wouldn't bother them.

Germolene has numbed most of it.

I'm feeling sorry for myself, I know I am. It would just be nice to have someone else step in for once. Not to be. I'll survive.

Time for a cup of tea.

If it's a sizeable burn and it's blistered it needs to be checked out. Either go to a&e or see if you can get an appointment with your GP tomorrow.

Even relatively small burns can get infected and cause significant problems.

[HollowTalk]

@TinaYouFatLard

You are an adult and clearly capable of dealing with this yourself.

Oh come on! He's her husband. She was burned. He sat there like a child. Of course she should expect more from him.

[Trevsadick]

Your husband should have showed concern.

Did he perhaps think that it should have been obvious that food served in a pan, would be hot?

However, if you sort stuff yourself, he will have thought you were capable of sorting it yourself. Not everyone wants or needs, their husband to sort stuff out and it sounds like your dynamic is one of these.

So I get you feeling let down, but I also get him not stepping in.

And I really understand not asking for a full refund for a meal, because you burnt your hand. How would he even have known that's what you wanted?

[NannyAndJohn]

This man's a liability.

Imagine if the two of you got into serious trouble and he just stood there slouched over with his head down.

I see two possibilities:

1. He's a coward and needs some counselling.
   
2. He just doesn't give a shit about anyone other than himself and you'd be better off finding someone else.

[Ssmiler]

In the meantime wrapping in cling film may help the pain. That helped me with a burn from my straighteners. I’m not medical though so maybe wait for someone medical on here to say if that’s ok to do, given that it’s blistered.

[Floralnomad]

I hope your hand feels better but as an adult I wouldn’t expect another adult to jump in and deal with this kind of thing , infact if my husband tried to I would probably be a bit insulted that anyone thought I was some kind of inferior being that can’t stand up for myself . However my husband would check that I was ok and didn’t need medical attention for the actual injury .

[Jasmine11]

I'm not sure about this - if I saw my DH touched a hot pan, but he didn't make a fuss or let on how much it hurt, I'd assume that he was in fact fine, and didn't want anyone else to make a big deal of things.

[diddl]

I don't see why a refund or at least some discount would have been appropriate.

They put a pan with a handle too hot to touch which Op was supposed to serve herself food from!

There should have been a warning or a something to hold the handle with!

It's one thing not to want to cause a fuss in public, but for the rest of the family to just flop in front of the telly when getting home!

Heartless buggers!

[ineedaholidaynow]

www.nhs.uk/conditions/burns-and-scalds/treatment/

This is the advice on NHS website. It says don't put cream on it either. It also says to go to A&E if have blisters on your hand.