DH injured but DH stays silent

[jenbendy]

My DH is quiet and passive. It's his way. Would do anything to avoid confrontation.

We went out for a meal for Father's Day. Two adults and three teenagers. One of my meal sides comes in a pan. It was placed in front of me, handle facing me, no warning. I went to turn it around and the handle was red hot and badly burnt my hand. I rushed to the toilet to run it under cold water then told staff, who brought me ice. My DH sat silent throughout with his head down. We half heartedly finished the meal, me with a throbbing hand.

DH waited for me to get the bill and pay. I said to the staff more firmly that I'm not happy about the service or my hand. They said sorry. I paid and we left.

Now home and DH acts like nothing has happened. I wish I'd been more assertive at the restaurant and asked for a refund but my hand was hurting. I also didn't feel backed up.

Why didn't he take charge? Or is that asking too much?

Feeling like a fool. If it was the other way round I would've taken care of it.

YANBU
2 things are shit here. Firstly your DH not even showing concern that you'd hurt yourself. He didn't need to cause a scene, just have your back, showed he cared, ask how you were. Surely that's normal in good relationships? It's shit that your child showed more concern than your partner.

Secondly, the server being safety lax. Plenty of posters have said you were stupid to have not realised the pan was hot, but why would you. As PPs have said, food is served in all sorts of wanky ways, sometimes in what they've been cooked in sometimes not. But one thing that I've found is the norm is that when the dish/plate etc is so hot it's likely to cause injury, the servers warn you. Often it's obvious, such as with sizzling skillets, but sometimes not, and if it was served to me with the handle facing me (so I had to move it) and with no warning, I would think it safe to touch. How would I know whether the pan was used to cook the food or was simply transferred to it for serving?

The HSE would agree that the restaurant should be sure that they're making it clear to diners that a dish is hot. Diners also need to be able to move the fish out of the way without burning themselves. Thinking about whether they should be serving oven hot dishes, whether they should have handles on them, how to manage risks of burning is part of their risk assessment responsibilities.

They also need to have procedures for when diners do burn themselves. They should have first aiders who can deal with a burn. They should be getting out the accident book and recording it.

None of that is 'making a scene'. It's just thinking about the risks and responding to what can and will happen when you serve burning hot dishes to people.

@KungFuPandaWorksOut20

Imagining this post from an outsiders perspective on AIBU.

A whole dinner party kicking off with the servers at a restaurant AIBU?

Back story of how they're dining out for fathers day and there's a party across from them.

The lady burnt herself, next thing her husband is kicking off with the servers making demands. The lady is also kicking off. Its all one big scene and ruined the mood.

We would all be saying that husband was a douche for joining in and making a scene. Probably a few scattered comments of how, doesn't he think the wife can defend herself, and why has he got act like a hero and the wife's a damsel in distress.

The only thing I would expect from my husband, is are you OK? I would be embarrassed if my DH jumped in trying to play superman.

But why do you imagine this being a scene?

Woman burns herself on a burning hit serving dish. Her husband responds with care - he checks she's ok and let's the server know there's an issue. The waiting staff respond with care and help. The first aider helps with the burn, the accident paperwork is filled in.

None of this need disturb the other diners or cause a scene. No one needs to be ashamed or embarrassed.

I agree he should have asked is she OK, but I really don't get why she needed someone else to speak on her behalf?

The staff was aware she hurt herself, I don't see in this situation what he could have done any different.

The staff didn't respond with care or much concern according to OP. So what you put there was your ideal situation not what the husband could have done. Him asking if she was OK wouldn't have changed the other peoples reactions I'm the scenario.

@FishyFriday

I'm sure there's misogyny at the root of it *@NiceGerbil*. Needy, hysterical women expecting anyone to even acknowledge they hurt themselves. She should have been more careful so as not to put her husband in the awkward position of troubling himself by giving a shit about her welfare. 🙄

OR you could read the post where she said she played it down so wasn't making a fuss.

Would you make a fuss over someone who said they were fine and not to worry etc?

@FishyFriday

I'm sure there's misogyny at the root of it *@NiceGerbil*. Needy, hysterical women expecting anyone to even acknowledge they hurt themselves. She should have been more careful so as not to put her husband in the awkward position of troubling himself by giving a shit about her welfare. 🙄

It's the same people who go on to a thread where the partner rocks in drunk at 6am, doesn't get up with the kids and they say 'what's the big deal? Adults can go out when they like'.

So querying anything is causing a scene?

Many people who know how to conduct themselves can query something without any hint of a scene.

Not everyone models themselves alà a Jeremy Kyle episode.

OP,
How is your hand this morning?
If you have lots of blisters be very careful of infection.