DH injured but DH stays silent

[jenbendy]

My DH is quiet and passive. It's his way. Would do anything to avoid confrontation.

We went out for a meal for Father's Day. Two adults and three teenagers. One of my meal sides comes in a pan. It was placed in front of me, handle facing me, no warning. I went to turn it around and the handle was red hot and badly burnt my hand. I rushed to the toilet to run it under cold water then told staff, who brought me ice. My DH sat silent throughout with his head down. We half heartedly finished the meal, me with a throbbing hand.

DH waited for me to get the bill and pay. I said to the staff more firmly that I'm not happy about the service or my hand. They said sorry. I paid and we left.

Now home and DH acts like nothing has happened. I wish I'd been more assertive at the restaurant and asked for a refund but my hand was hurting. I also didn't feel backed up.

Why didn't he take charge? Or is that asking too much?

Feeling like a fool. If it was the other way round I would've taken care of it.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

Good god OP you burnt your hand a bit, you didn't lose the bloody thing.

If he didn't ask if you were OK, then yeah thats a bit weird and rude but I think you are over reading a bit.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

Reacting

[ineedaholidaynow]

Husband didn't have to make a scene, he could have asked if the OP was ok though

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

Why on earth would they . Unfortunately you probably made the blksters worse by putting ice on it but why would you think your kids would feel responsible?

[lemonsyellow]

I don’t think the OP is overreacting. If her hand burnt enough to blister, that’s serious. The restaurant is at fault and could be in trouble, I think.

[KeepingTrack]

@jenbendy

Also didn't want the teenagers getting upset or feeling responsible for me IYSWIM.

Which is exactly why he should have stepped in.

@jenbendy I have a similar model at home.
He never acknowledged any of my struggles despite me being diagnosed with a chronic illness
If anything needs to be sorted i have to deal with it. because he won’t ‘make a fuss/complain’.
You end up feeling very lonely when your partner never ever backs you up. But decides to study the little defect on the wall instead

[ImprobablePuffin]

"Yes. I mostly/always do. But just for once would've been nice for him to step in a bit."

If he's never done it before what made you think he would start today? You know he is like this so to expect sudden and immediate change is a bit odd.

You chose him knowing the type of person he is 🤷‍♀️

[Egeegogxmv]

'oh dear' = 'how inconvenient for you, glad it's not my problem'
OP you know what to say when he has some misfortune....

[LobotomisedIceSkatingFan]

@2bazookas

DH is an arsehole.

Id that had been me, I would have insisted on the spot that the staff make a formal record in the Accident book they are required by law to have. Identifying the member of staff who brough the hot pan; AND the senior manager on duty that day. I would also have asked for their on-duty trained First Aider to bring the First Aid Kit ( two further legal requirements) .

Photograph your hand right away; if it's blistered attend A and E so the injury is formally recorded.

Then contact your household insurers and the managers of the restaurant.

😂😂😂😂😂

Thanks. I needed that.

[KeepingTrack]

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Why on earth would they . Unfortunately you probably made the blksters worse by putting ice on it but why would you think your kids would feel responsible?

Because they. would end. up taking on the adult role and look after the OP.

My. teens would and have (same type of reaction from him)

[gamerchick]

@Ssmiler

In the meantime wrapping in cling film may help the pain. That helped me with a burn from my straighteners. I’m not medical though so maybe wait for someone medical on here to say if that’s ok to do, given that it’s blistered.

That's all I do. Germoline after the cooling it down stage, cling film and a big plaster to get the air off and repeat the next day. Leaving it off the next night and re wrapping in the morning until it's healed.

People squeel it's wrong but they've always healed ok and with little pain because the airs off it initially.

I hear you OP, your bloke sounds like a right disappointment.

[KeepingTrack]

@ImprobablePuffin, because he always does that, does it also mean the. OP is supposed to be immune to it and to just accept it then?

[ImprobablePuffin]

@jenbendy

Got lashings of germolene on it now. Didn't realise ice wasn't a good idea.

The skin is blistered though

DH now asleep watching the football

Also as an aside, it's using ice on a burn that helps cause a blister.

Next time run your hand under TEPID water and you should get away without a blister and the burn should heal quicker.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

Photograph your hand right away; if it's blistered attend A and E so the injury is formally recorded.

That's what we use A&E for now? To formally record a minor injury? Wtf!

Also, what on earth would you report it to your household insures for. This is nuts!

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

Because they. would end. up taking on the adult role and look after the OP.

She doesn't need looking after, she burnt one hand. God my mil made less fuss than this when she lost 3 limbs!

[ineedaholidaynow]

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion the NHS website advices you got to A&E if you have blisters on your hand

[lemonsyellow]

Remember the famous case where a woman sued McDonald’s when she spilled hot coffee over herself? She won a substantial payout in court.

[lilyofthewasteland]

It's not bad enough for a&e and I wouldn't bother them.

With the greatest respect, you didn't know enough about burns to know not to put ice or cream on a burn, are you qualified to know whether or not you're sitting there with first degree or third degree burns?

People here are concerned about you.

[Doghead]

Honestly. What a hoo ha over nothing. You touched a hot pan. You knew it was going to be hot. You're angry at yourself for doing it so you're trying to cast it onto your husband.

I honestly don't know where poor service comes into it. It was your own fault.

[BessMarvin]

@Doghead

Honestly. What a hoo ha over nothing. You touched a hot pan. You knew it was going to be hot. You're angry at yourself for doing it so you're trying to cast it onto your husband.

I honestly don't know where poor service comes into it. It was your own fault.

Since they didn't tell her, how did she know?

[ImprobablePuffin]

[quote KeepingTrack]@ImprobablePuffin, because he always does that, does it also mean the. OP is supposed to be immune to it and to just accept it then?[/quote]
Not at all. I'm just not sure why OP expected him to suddenly have a different personality today.

She knows how he is when these things happen so why suddenly expect something different?

[Doghead]

Because he was probably embarrassed about yet another drama filled incident involving his wife.

[Moonwhite]

I'm shocked. The restaurant should at least have comped your meal. Going somewhere to eat and walking out with an injury just isn't on.

Not only were you not warned the pan was hot but they placed it in front of you in such a way that you had to turn the handle away from you! That's out and out incompetence. When I was a waitress at 16 I knew better.

Take some photos of your hand. And then write a letter of complaint - dictate it to Mr Passive, at least he can do something for you - to the restaurant and attach the photos.

[JellyTumble]

I rushed to the toilet to run it under cold water then told staff, who brought me ice.

The staff shouldn’t have brought you ice - ice is very bad for burns and can damage the tissue.

You should have run your hand under cold water for a minimum of 20 minutes.

You should complain to the restaurant about their first aid and suggest only first aid trained members of staff attempt to help customers in need.

In regards to your DH though, YABU. You’re an adult perfectly capable of dealing with the situation.

[Doghead]

Really? Come on. It would've been obvious