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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed that dc school did no cards for Father's day

286 replies

Glitteranddirt21 · 20/06/2021 14:59

Just wonder if anyone's dc school do anything for Father's day. The school do a mother's day shop where for a non school uniform day they take in a small gift that they then select from a shop later and wrap for us and always get a lovely card made for Mothers day but realised today that they never do anything for Father's day not even a card.

OP posts:
LoopTheLoops · 20/06/2021 15:24

And I don’t get the “special person” thing instead either not all kids have a stand in dad figure like an uncle/ grandad / step dad, mine don’t.

Landslidelife · 20/06/2021 15:24

Mothers day is a religious thing where as fathers day is not. This is the reason our Catholic primary celebrated mother's day but not fathers day.

AutoGroup · 20/06/2021 15:24

No you guess would be incorrect. We live in a village with a lot of family units.

Which will make it even worse for the one child who doesn't.

Whyhello · 20/06/2021 15:27

Possibly to do with the fact there are more absent Fathers than Mothers. DS’s best friend lost both his Dad and Grandad to covid earlier this year so had to leave the classroom while they decorated cards. They’re year 6 so I think it would have been kinder not to make them at all personally.

Zanzibar55 · 20/06/2021 15:28

Many family relationships are so complex these days - two fathers or no father at all, two mothers, grandparents as main carers. Schools do well to steer clear, it can be a catalyst for upsetting children.

SimonJT · 20/06/2021 15:30

Ours does both, but the staff themselves make them by sticking one of the childs pictures/paintings on a card with a standard printed phrase inside and just the title changed to reflect the person the child will give the card to.

They used to do specific mothers and fathers day ones, but that was then problematic for the children who either didn’t have a mum/dad, or didn’t get to see them.

khakiandcoral · 20/06/2021 15:30

Either you do both ,or you do neither.

It's not acceptable to pick one! I would complain to the school on that basis.

I was going to say make a "Christmas card" instead, but that someone will find offence in there too.

elp30 · 20/06/2021 15:31

@Charlieiscool

Schools shouldn’t do Father’s Day or Mother’s Day cards. It’s so horribly insensitive for those that have lost a parent. Saying theirs can be for ‘a special person’ is emphasising their loss. It’s horrible and selfish of those that like it.

I lost my mother to cancer when I was ten years old.

We had a school assignment to write a loving poem and create a card for Mother's Day. I was deeply sad. I told my teacher that I just couldn't do it so she told me to make it out to my grandmother instead. I had lost my last grandparent, my grandmother, the year before. She sighed and in an exasperated tone said, "It's a graded assignment so you'll either do it or earn a zero."

I took the zero and grew real dislike for that teacher.
It's been 40 years and that moment still pain me.

I'm in agreement that there are many children who are lacking a parent or a parental figure and this is difficult for them and it's best not to emphasize it. It something to be done at home.

LoopTheLoops · 20/06/2021 15:33

I would be quite happy if they didn’t do either tbh, my kids didn’t do Mother’s Day cards this year either (they normally do) I wasn’t fussed as I don’t expect the school to sort these things

HaveYouMetMyMateStanley · 20/06/2021 15:35

Same here! Last night at about 8pm I asked if she had made a card as I hadn't been proudly shown it which surprised me, not because it occurred to me that they wouldn't have.

DD had to make an emergency card in secret quickly.

I think it's sad - if some people don't have fathers then they can make another card for their mum surely? I felt sorry for DH that he had kind of been forgotten about.

MadeOfStarStuff · 20/06/2021 15:36

YABU

If you want your child to do something for Father’s Day then that’s your responsibility not the schools

Making a card for someone special is fine and it’s what we do at Brownies but the kids aren’t stupid, they know it’s for Father’s Day and they talk about that. Which could be extremely upsetting for a child who doesn’t have a dad in their life for whatever reason.

LoopTheLoops · 20/06/2021 15:37

I think it's sad - if some people don't have fathers then they can make another card for their mum surely? I felt sorry for DH that he had kind of been forgotten about.

And you don’t think that’s upsetting to children having it rubbed in that they don’t have a father? What’s stopping you from taking your daughter shopping for a card or getting her to make one at home 😕

HaveYouMetMyMateStanley · 20/06/2021 15:37

I wouldn't have been bothered but I got the most beautiful card made in class and one her and her dad had made for me. If you don't do one, you shouldn't do the other.

HaveYouMetMyMateStanley · 20/06/2021 15:40

@LoopTheLoops what's stopping me is that I assumed they would be making one in class.

newnortherner111 · 20/06/2021 15:41

Sadly I think they should not, as it is the reality that a significant proportion of children do live in households without their dad (or step dad).

BillyIsMyBunny · 20/06/2021 15:41

I’m a teacher and didn’t do anything with my class for Father’s Day this year as I totally forgot about it - my Dad is dead and I don’t have kids so the day is not really significant to me, and my family have never been big celebrants of days like this anyway. I can’t remember if I had my class do anything for Mother’s Day this year, I admit I am quite disorganised and bad with dates so year to year there isn’t much consistency in terms of making or not making cards for either Mother’s or Father’s Day.

If I’d remembered I probably would have had them make cards this year but I haven’t seen fathers days very heavily advertised this year (possibly partly because I haven’t been out much with the lockdown restrictions) and as I said it doesn’t hold significance to me so I haven’t really considered it. I admit over the years I probably have had my class make more Mother’s Day cards than Father’s Day ones as it tend to be better advertised so I’m more likely to remember it.

Zari29 · 20/06/2021 15:42

HaveYou wow you really do live in your own self absorbed bubble. Pp have pointed out exactly why telling a child to make a card for a substitute person is so hurtful for the child.

zingally · 20/06/2021 15:42

I work in primary schools, and every year we have a discussion whether or not to do fathers day cards, based on how many kids come from single mother homes, where fathers are absent.

Most years we end up doing a "give it to a special grown up" card. But some years we haven't done it at all, and some years we've done it as "father's day".

But, at the end of the day, these sorts of cards aren't the school's responsibility in any way, shape, or form.

cadburyegg · 20/06/2021 15:42

YABU for the reasons already mentioned.

3cats4poniesandababy · 20/06/2021 15:43

Surely if you wanted to you could have made a card at home with your LO for father's day?

I was that child with an absent dad. I was almost the only one. Yes there were children with separated parents but they still saw their dad whereas I was completely ignored my by dad.

Bananarice · 20/06/2021 15:44

Dc school do the opposite. They make cards for fathers or somebody you love day but nothing for mothers day. I wish it was like that for my nephew school. But he used to make a card for dm (his grandmother) instead. Divorced parents that took one child each.

SimonJT · 20/06/2021 15:45

@HaveYouMetMyMateStanley

Same here! Last night at about 8pm I asked if she had made a card as I hadn't been proudly shown it which surprised me, not because it occurred to me that they wouldn't have.

DD had to make an emergency card in secret quickly.

I think it's sad - if some people don't have fathers then they can make another card for their mum surely? I felt sorry for DH that he had kind of been forgotten about.

You have to think about the child who doesn’t see their dad, rarely sees dad, dad has passed away or they have never had a dad.

My sons nursery did mothers and fathers day cards, my son had to make a card, the staff knew he didn’t have a mum, he wasn’t the only child in his room without a mum. It really isn’t fair on those children, it can be even more problematic for fathers day.

You feel sorry for your husband because you forgot to get a fathera day card, that wasn’t schools responsibility.

Sweak · 20/06/2021 15:45

I think it's sad - if some people don't have fathers then they can make another card for their mum surely? I felt sorry for DH that he had kind of been forgotten about.

This thread has made me a bit annoyed tbh for a number of reasons. But this comment takes the biscuit.

Yes he had been forgotten about...by you. It's your responsibility as the other parent to sort making cards not the school. Do you not think they've got a million things on? Even in normal circumstances.
I'm sorry that appears harsh but when you've grown up with an absent father this day is hard. I've actually only found it easier now I have my husband to focus on as a father. I don't see much empathy here from you

As pp have highlighted it's a hard day for many children. And no just doing a card for mum instead is another reminder you don't have a dad. Maybe others wouldn't think like that but I assure you many, many will

The only thing I would say is I don't think they should do mother's Day either! So I can see the OPs point there

JewelGarden · 20/06/2021 15:46

Does anyone really care about Father's Day? Do fathers really want a card and all that Confused

Freddiefox · 20/06/2021 15:46

Ours don’t do any cards which I think is better.

But they could just make a your special card on these occasions.