To be a bit miffed that dc school did no cards for Father's day

[Glitteranddirt21]

Just wonder if anyone's dc school do anything for Father's day. The school do a mother's day shop where for a non school uniform day they take in a small gift that they then select from a shop later and wrap for us and always get a lovely card made for Mothers day but realised today that they never do anything for Father's day not even a card.

@ResIpsaLoquiturInterAlia

Just to put it out there in case I am misunderstood in my earlier up thread posts.

I stand by what I posted.

It is not the actual card or in class school activity but all about the significance and recognition of today as Father’s Day and other significant days to celebrate including Mother’s Day and indeed also other new development in legally recognised alternative adult lifestyles.

The card is in itself is of no massive significance as surely for a very child it is just another card, be it for father, mother, Christmas, new year, Easter, friend’s birthday or thank you card!

MumsNet is seemingly the online hub where the entitlement exceptionalism is norm ie pandering to that unique rare minority demographic and take away the feelings and enjoyment by the majority. So sure it is not ideal for that one child with no father or criminal father etc to be instructed to make a card or mark the day but what about everyone else. Do all their feelings don’t count. It’s not the card or arts and craft session it is cancel culture that is insensitive to the majority. The few children with unique circumstances (beyond their control) should be given special treatment to enjoy other things and not be a reason for cancel culture preventing others from what is right for them the majority of the class. Perhaps grandfather card alternatives if appropriate? Or if absolutely politically gender undefined a parents day card! Waiting for posters to now unnecessarily argue they never had a or two parents so how about grandpa or grandparent(s) card instead? This should be a happy celebration day not a day to bring up a troubled past. You surely want your child today to be a responsible and respectful parent tomorrow!?

It’s hardly cancel culture not to have kids make a Father’s Day card in class. Father’s Day occurs on a Sunday when children are not at school so how could a school make the decision to cancel it? It’s a day to mark with your family not your classmates. Making Father’s Day cards is not part of the school curriculum (and never has been) so it’s completely reasonable for a teacher or school to decide not to do anything for it; aside from anything else considering most kids have missed so much education due to lockdown restrictions I imagine most schools have more important areas to focus on than making cards.

I think a lot of primary schools in the UK are C of E schools, and Mothering Sunday is in the Christian calendar. Father’s Day isn’t.

Our Christian village school never did Father’s Day cards, despite being a village full of 2-parent families. I was relieved because my kids don’t have a dad. We are still a “family unit” though !

Maybe those who think people are being over sensitive should try parenting a bereaved child who has had to see "Happy Fathers' Day" plastered bloody everywhere for weeks now.

Do people honestly think that making a card for a grandad or a "father figure" is the same?

Oh and me and him are very much a "family unit" ta very much

@theliverpoolone

I've come back because I've been thinking about your 'family unit' comment and how awful you sound. You do know that a 'family unit' isn't just mum, dad and 2.4 kids? A family unit can be literally any combination of adults and children, a single parent family, same sex couple family etc are all as much of a family unit as yours op.

I was thinking the same. I'd like to think dd and I are a family unit, it's quite illuminating to realise that others might see us as something less

Its bizarre isn’t it, you have to remember some people rely on putting others down to make themselves feel better.

Yabu and sound quite naive tbh

There are so many absent/deadbeat fathers these days whilst those without a mum are thankfully a small minority. That's why Mother's Day is celebrated. For the sake of bereaved children though I think schools should ignore the event.

I teach in a primary and we do Mother's day as we are a church school. I think it's nice to do father's day too if possible, especially with the younger ones. Our parents really appreciate it. We always say a card/ picture for a special person, sometimes the kids do one for a friend or pet instead!

I loved making them as a kid and I had no dad, I just made one for grandad or my mum again! I remember being excited by making something for someone myself and my son now was SO excited to give daddy a card he had made.

My daughter would not have been ‘excited’ to make a Father’s Day card for a special someone else the year her dad died, I can assure you. It would have been really difficult for her. We avoided the shops for the two weeks before so we didn’t have to look at all the merchandise but she couldn’t escape school. Reading some of the comments I realise we were very lucky that she had a sensitive teacher who chose not to rub her nose in the fact her dad had just died.

Could be worse. My son’s class made entire POSTERS for Father’s Day, even though the teacher knows that 2/20 of those children’s fathers are actually dead, and I assume at least a couple more have absent fathers. The teacher is a friend of mine. I was properly shocked at her insensitivity.

@Awomanwalksintoabar

Could be worse. My son’s class made entire POSTERS for Father’s Day, even though the teacher knows that 2/20 of those children’s fathers are actually dead, and I assume at least a couple more have absent fathers. The teacher is a friend of mine. I was properly shocked at her insensitivity.

Many teachers have done the same. Horrors!

My dad died when I was 10. It's taken well over 30 years for Fathers Day to stop being painful. Lots of companies have been emailing to give people the option to opt out of marketing about Fathers Day (and Mothers Day come to that) as they realise so many will find it upsetting this year.

There are children with split families, no father on the scene at all, an abusive father, fathers who are not allowed contact. Why should those children have it rubbed in their faces each year that they don't have that caring father figure in their lives to celebrate? It's bad enough on all the other days.

Whilst it's lovely for mums and dads to receive home made cards on those occasions ... they should be just that, HOME made.

I personally think both Mothers and Fathers Day should be kept well away from schools. It's an absolute minefield. And "make a card for someone special" activities around either of those days are hugely transparent as everyone knows why cards are being made at those times, even if it's not spelt out.

@Willyoujustbequiet

Yabu and sound quite naive tbh

There are so many absent/deadbeat fathers these days whilst those without a mum are thankfully a small minority. That's why Mother's Day is celebrated. For the sake of bereaved children though I think schools should ignore the event.

Three years ago I had 4 children in my class that didn't live with/didn't see their mother. Only one with a patchy relationship with their father.

Talking in absolutes(regardless of statistics) when dealing with children doesn't help.

@Downton57

Of course we would not make cards in this situation- staff know the children in their class well and would never intend to upset anyone. So sorry for your loss.

I personally think that both days should be marked at home, however church schools are expected to mark Mother's day even if only through an assembly.

@Anotherdayanotherpark2020 I'm sure you wouldn't. I didn't mean my comment to sound like a personal attack. Sorry! But reading this thread, there are clearly teachers out there who are happy to continue making Mother's And Father's Day cards, whatever is going on in their pupils' lives, and I find that shocking. As teachers, we should protect the children in our charge the best we can, and forcing children without fathers to make Fathers Day cards seems negligent, if not cruel.

Either you do both ,or you do neither.

I agree with this - and probably steer towards neither, for all of the reasons given in this thread. It's unfair to assume that all children will have a living/present/loving mother, and that it's just a nice little gesture for them, but then to slap it down as pointless and a waste of time for those kids who have a living/present/loving father.

As for the religious origin argument, how often do schools have children not only exclusively referring to it as 'Mothering Sunday' (and never 'Mothers' Day' - and then get them to make a card addressed to their mother church, to pin up on the church notice board or pop into a dedicated box there?

When you finish laughing, you might want to educate yourself and loose that dated and sexist attitude.

And it's 'lose'

The 'sexist' argument has already been covered and debated, but 'loose' is not necessarily incorrect here, depending on what the poster was intending to convey.

"You might want to lose that attitude" suggests casually allowing whatever alleged attitude to disappear, although is frequently colloquially used to suggest actively seeking to get rid of it.

"You might want to loose that attitude" is somewhat old fashioned English, but it has the clear (and grammatically correct) implication of deliberately and actively casting off the attitude in question, without any ambiguity as to intent or other ambivalence.

The neither both thing is one I like as I'd go with neither and have personally been in a position where mother's day celebrations seemed like yet another careless cruelty in a world where everyone else has a mum. However, father's day is likely to cause many more children to feel uncomfortable and many children do not have supportive fathers who will help them with mother's day. There is a much stronger argument for helping with mother's day as many more children live alone with their mum.

I wouldn't have given it much thought until recent years but after a bereavement of a close family member who's still had children that were in primary school I don't think they should be doing either mothers day or fathers day cards in school. Some children don't have contact with either parent, or their mother or father might be dead. My family member died through suicide and the children were aware of what happened. It would break my heart to think of their classmates making cards and asking why aren't you making one for your dad.

Yabu

As well as all of the very good points made on here, about children having a parent who has died or whom they never see, what about children living in abusive family situations?

They might have a mum or dad at home with them, with whom they live full time - so ideal 'happy mothers'/fathers' day' scenario, you might think; but what if, behind closed doors, that parent beats/abuses/constantly screams at/neglects them? Imagine having to endure a childhood like that and then, the cherry on the top, being told to make a card to give them, to wish them a well-deserved happy time, tell them how much you love them and appreciate all they do for you?

This thread has really triggered me. My children's grandfather died who they were extremely close to. Their father now absent because he abused another child and its not safe for them to have contact. They are handling it well but this sort of stuff could upset them. The fact that some people think their feelings should be completely disregarded because their DH deserves a card. Disgusting.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll sadly children in these situation frequently still love and seek approval from such parents. Especially at primary age. Most would still want to do it, sad as that is!

We got Father’s Day cards from school but just a card whereas for Mother’s Day it was a portrait and a piece of writing about their Mum/Mummy. I was wondering why a different approach and I landed on the absent father thing but I do actually know all the parents at school (SAHM, active WhatsApp group for parents, fairly small class etc) and everyone has both parents at home. I guess it’s too much to change approach each year and maybe they are just aware of more likelihood for dads not being involved even if it’s not actually an issue in their particular class.

It’s not about schools having to do everything but more I think as a random theme to have for the week around which they can practice their writing etc (early primary) so I see it as win-win really as they’d have them writing and creating things anyway.

YABU. Do them at home yourself; schools have hit far too much to do already, especially trying to raise standards after Covid.

*got

sadly children in these situation frequently still love and seek approval from such parents. Especially at primary age. Most would still want to do it, sad as that is!

Actually, yes - I hadn't even thought that through. Those poor, poor kids