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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

husband got back at half 5 this morning

941 replies

bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 07:39

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

OP posts:
rhowton · 19/06/2021 19:00

If my DH did this, I'd take the tv remotes, his phone, the WiFi and anything else he could have fun with and leave the house. If he was going to be too "out of it" to look after his kids, he can be treated like a kid. I would also be going out of my way to make so many plans he didn't have a free weekend for a month and I would simply be leaving without a second though...

rhowton · 19/06/2021 19:06

I think im more raging about this than you are... 😂 i get so involved in MN

sausagepastapot · 19/06/2021 19:29

Some of these comments are absolutely psycho.

He can have a drink once in a while.

It was very early when you posted this- he had hours to sleep it off then deal with the kid with a hangover.

People threatening him with a slap or taking away the remotes- that is absolutely batshit crazy abusive and I would not accept that kind of controlling weird shit from my partner.

I haven't RTFT but I hope you went and you're over it now.

Veterinari · 19/06/2021 19:30

[quote Littlefluffyclouds13]@Veterinari
Obviously I know it isn't 🙄
I'm merely responding to some of the shite that's been aimed at me.
Or am I meant to remain silent when someone directs a comment?[/quote]
No crack on!
You obviously have nothing better to do this weekend with your amazing DH than to be unpleasant to strangers on the internet.
Sounds really fulfilling Grin

CandyLeBonBon · 19/06/2021 19:31

@sausagepastapot

Some of these comments are absolutely psycho.

He can have a drink once in a while.

It was very early when you posted this- he had hours to sleep it off then deal with the kid with a hangover.

People threatening him with a slap or taking away the remotes- that is absolutely batshit crazy abusive and I would not accept that kind of controlling weird shit from my partner.

I haven't RTFT but I hope you went and you're over it now.

I haven't RTFT

Then maybe you should've! Confused

PassionfruitOrangeGuava · 19/06/2021 19:32

@sausagepastapot

Some of these comments are absolutely psycho.

He can have a drink once in a while.

It was very early when you posted this- he had hours to sleep it off then deal with the kid with a hangover.

People threatening him with a slap or taking away the remotes- that is absolutely batshit crazy abusive and I would not accept that kind of controlling weird shit from my partner.

I haven't RTFT but I hope you went and you're over it now.

What about weekly, far more than one drink, possibly cocaine on top of it?
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 19/06/2021 19:32

Maybe you should try rtft then @sausagepastapot it's the 3rd weekend in a row and he was so off his tree the op couldn't wake him up even when it was time for her to leave

Original poster
bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 19:33

@sausagepastapot

Some of these comments are absolutely psycho.

He can have a drink once in a while.

It was very early when you posted this- he had hours to sleep it off then deal with the kid with a hangover.

People threatening him with a slap or taking away the remotes- that is absolutely batshit crazy abusive and I would not accept that kind of controlling weird shit from my partner.

I haven't RTFT but I hope you went and you're over it now.

key point "once in a while"

not every weekend for the past month and then behaving like that the one day I have plans. you should of atleast read my comments - he didnt get up and my mum had to look after our child. no slaps or removing of remotes here but I dont think his behaviour is acceptable and it's not controlling to voice that.

OP posts:
Veterinari · 19/06/2021 19:35

@tinglymint

I'm convinced Littlefluffyclouds13 is just trying to rile people up. They seem to be deliberately missing the point.

OPs 'D'H is either out of order or he isn't (he is).

Yup. Deliberately ignoring direct questions, making digs at multiple posters, oversharing about her amazing relationship whilst spending all day picking fights with strangers on the internet, and being deliberately unpleasant to an OP having a tough time in order to get attention.

Classic behaviour for a 'certain kind' of poster

Veterinari · 19/06/2021 19:39

@sausagepastapot

Some of these comments are absolutely psycho.

He can have a drink once in a while.

It was very early when you posted this- he had hours to sleep it off then deal with the kid with a hangover.

People threatening him with a slap or taking away the remotes- that is absolutely batshit crazy abusive and I would not accept that kind of controlling weird shit from my partner.

I haven't RTFT but I hope you went and you're over it now.

'I haven't read the full thread but I feel compelled to share my uninformed opinion based on my misunderstanding of the situation because the opportunity to criticise others is obviously more important than me spending any time to actually understand what I'm talking about. '

Some folk are either spectacularly self-absorbed or on the wind-up Grin

CandyLeBonBon · 19/06/2021 19:41

@Veterinari 😂😂😂

Twoforthree · 19/06/2021 19:43

He owes you big time. I hope he’s suitably repentant and offers to make it up to you. If he isn’t, then you have bigger problems than you originally thought.

Jigglywobbly · 19/06/2021 19:43

@Veterinari 🤦‍♀️

Jigglywobbly · 19/06/2021 19:44

Sorry that was @sausagepastapot

whynotwhatknot · 19/06/2021 19:45

Glad you had a good day out op-i w0uldnt go overboard for fathers day tomorrow why should he get treated to a nice day he nearly ruined yours

Dausage i suggest you read threads before you post you sound stupid

Hugoslavia · 19/06/2021 19:55

@bubblegum02

Good for you sticking up for yourself here in response to some of the comments!

TurquoiseDress · 19/06/2021 20:00

YANBU!

RightYesButNo · 19/06/2021 20:00

I’ve read all your comments, OP, especially about him doing this every weekend for a month and there always being some excuse.

You have a one year old, so I’m assuming born during the pandemic. Is it possible the only reason he seemed even vaguely responsible as a father so far is because he physically COULDN’T go out and get plastered, due to lockdown? So now he’s continuing on with the life he had pre-children whereas you’ve grown up, you accept you’re a parent, you accept your responsibilities, you accept that you can’t be 1. So completely shit-faced your child can’t wake you and then 2. In a completely vile mood with your child due to a hangover. He appears not to understand ANY of that. Does he really accept any of it, or did he just play at it because it was lockdown? Only you know.

But this is damn unimpressive behavior and I notice absolutely none of the cool girls on this thread mentioned DHs who were so drunk after six hours sleep, they couldn’t be awakened, or who will be vile to everyone while they have a hangover, like you say yours will.

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 19/06/2021 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

completelybanjaxed · 19/06/2021 20:03

Hope you are ok OP, this is horrible stress to put on a pregnant woman. He's being selfish. I wouldn't have let him look after kids in that state either.

Letting your hair down occasionally is one thing. Letting your pregnant partner/kids down like this is something else altogether.

When he fully sobers up sit him down and tell him matter of factly that he needs to make a choice between having a lovely family and boozing on weekends with his drug taking mates. See what he actually behaves going forward - not what he says he will do. Then you can decide what you want/need to do about the situation.

I hope he doesn't have a drinking problem because that will be a very hard path.

If you are working full time he should be helping with getting up at night to kids too.

I'm so sorry, you should be cared for by your partner better than this in your pregnancy, I'd be upset and angry too if I were you. Get some support from your close friends and family too, talk to someone, it will help. 💐

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 19/06/2021 20:03

That's for @Veterinari so tedious....

Mycatismadeofstringcheese · 19/06/2021 20:05

Make sure he wakes up tomorrow to the smell of a delicious cooked breakfast being made.

But oh no, there’s none for him.

Escapeas · 19/06/2021 20:07

Wow OP. Some really bizarre and depressing posts on here. Shame some people have such low standards in relationships.

Of course you were pissed off!! You're pregnant and also in the stage of pregnancy when most people feel crap and looking after a one year old and he's been out getting drunk every weekend for a month then leaving you to do everything? Absolute joke.

I think you need to have a serious discussion with him about parenting. Like you say maybe it's just coincidence, or maybe it's not been a problem until now as he's had little opportunity to do this since your daughter was born due to lockdowns, but you cannot accept this and let it become a pattern. He needs to grow up,

bargelights · 19/06/2021 20:08

'I haven't read the full thread but I feel compelled to share my uninformed opinion based on my misunderstanding of the situation because the opportunity to criticise others is obviously more important than me spending any time to actually understand what I'm talking about. '

I wish this post could be added to every thread as soon as someone pipes up, "I haven't RTFT but I think. . ."

ThornAmongstRoses · 19/06/2021 20:20

YANBU at all OP.

Some of the replies on here are batshit crazy ones!!

If I was you I would have been LIVID!

I’m glad you managed to get out though and that you had a good time Flowers

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