husband got back at half 5 this morning

[bubblegum02]

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

@Littlefluffyclouds13 I really don’t understand the point of your comments? Were they just to say #notallmen 🤣🙄

@CandyLeBonBon

The only person consistently 'raging' on this thread is you *@Littlefluffyclouds13*.

Your language drips with derision, condescension and scorn. You're the one using words like 'despise' and 'hysterical' and accusing other people of being angry and bitter.

You seem fairly angry yourself? Just an observation, but I'm not the only one who thinks your language has been quite inflammatory, so perhaps something to consider, no?

Definitely not angry. Thanks for the laugh though.

I'm convinced Littlefluffyclouds13 is just trying to rile people up. They seem to be deliberately missing the point.

OPs 'D'H is either out of order or he isn't (he is).

Glad you had a good lunch @bubblegum02 - I hope dd enjoyed her soft play

@tinglymint

I'm convinced Littlefluffyclouds13 is just trying to rile people up. They seem to be deliberately missing the point.

OPs 'D'H is either out of order or he isn't (he is).

I'm inclined to agree!

@Littlefluffyclouds13 I think the water comments were saying what they would do, not that they genuinely believed I would do that - it's not really relevant either, you are responsible for what you choose to reply, not what others do.

you also say you thought I was wount up and raging - if you genuinely believed that why did you continue to post comments that you must of know would of flamed the fire? but now be pretending your intentions were to give advice?

as an aside I wasnt raging - I said several times I wasnt angry at others posters, I didnt loose my cool once. I've seen posters loose their cool - swearing and name calling tends to come out. I said I was dismayed at some of the comments blaming me and calling me controlling etc. was incredibly unfair considering I've been more than accomadating the last month, especially when you take into account I havent had free time myself and I'm 4 months pregnant.

@Littlefluffyclouds13 you are coming across as quite an unpleasant and smug person (nobody likes smug btw) but you seem to think it’s everyone else with a problem? You’re the common denominator here…. 😉 I’d just stop talking if I were you, but obviously you aren’t going to do that.

[quote Almondcroissant25]@Littlefluffyclouds13 you are coming across as quite an unpleasant and smug person (nobody likes smug btw) but you seem to think it’s everyone else with a problem? You’re the common denominator here…. 😉 I’d just stop talking if I were you, but obviously you aren’t going to do that.[/quote]
Nope!

I would completely ignored posters such as Little
Not worth giving them that space tbh.

@bubblegum02 glad you had a nice day out.
Good luck with the chat!

bubblegum, I'm with you all the way, especially as you said he had done the same a week or so previously.

That is ridiculously immature behaviour for a grown man and a father. What on earth could he have been doing until those early hours. It is quite normal for people with responsibilities at home to say "Goodnight", at the end of an evening, not early the next morning. Anyone would think he was nineteen!

I hope you have 'had a word' with him since.

I just want to add as well that most of these silly sods giving you poor him advice are obviously either mad or trying to get under your skin.

I’m 100000% with you

His actions, his choices and none of them your fault

But why on earth should you have to be the adult and he gets to still be a kid?

Good luck OP
You totally deserve better than what he has given you this last month! X

Glad you enjoyed your lunch OP but I do hope your OH is seriously grovelling this evening

@Littlefluffyclouds13

I make absolutely no judgement on whether every person who comments is a woman. That would be rather stupid given that I have no way of knowing the sex of each individual, and it’s also entirely irrelevant.

I direct my comments to those women who are reading and/or commenting because they are the ones I’m talking to/with/about.

@bubblegum02 Good luck with sorting this out long term.

I do hope you're not planning on doing anything special for Father's Day for your other half tomorrow @bubblegum02? I'd quickly shelve that idea especially as you couldn't possible be expected to organise anything and you didn't know if he would be in any fit state to celebrate anything anyway. You could always roll out that old adage "Well, you're not my Dad or Grandad so why would I be organising something for you?" seems to work a treat when blokes say it to their wives on Mother's Day so it's worth a shot

OP, I’m 100% with you on this one. Your DH has been a selfish arse. You’ve shown more restraint than me, I would have been blasting heavy metal in his room and making him get up anyway I could (even if I had arranged for someone else to look after the kid).

I think you need tomorrow and the next 5 months worth of weekends all to yourself for your downtime. Hope things get better

Agree with @LookItsMeAgain don’t do anything for Father’s Day. He doesn’t deserve it!

You need a better hobby than trying to get attention on AIBU, @Sometimesfraught82

You’re so very, very privileged, if I remember rightly, why not go out and do something expensive? 😂

I'm so glad you had a great day out OP and aren't prepared to put up with this from your husband. The only reason men think they can get away with this stuff is because of fools like a particular poster on this thread setting an appallingly low standard.

Staying out till 5.30 is only on if he either can cope with the next day or has nothing to do. I used to have loads of late nights when I was that age but I always managed work or minding my nieces or whatever I'd committed to. I might be grimacing behind the sunglasses and paracetamol but I always delivered. I really can't see why he couldn't have hauled himself out of bed at 10.30 and got on with it. Surely he knows his limitations so why wasn't he just back home by midnight?

My brother used to pull these stunts all the time when his first child was born. His wife chose to stay with him but she made it clear this was not what she signed up for and wouldn't be sticking around for. As a result, he cleaned up his act enormously and goes over and above with her and the kids now.

I had a girl's dinner organise once evening with three friends when my son was just a baby. It was on the other side of the city, I was staying with a relative nearby, we only had one car and it had taken a load of planning and coordination to get me over there with the baby. Two of the dinner guests cancelled, didn't apologise, just said their husbands had been at a session till the afternoon and hadn't slept it off yet. They said we'd do it again. I honestly lost so much respect for them. The right to go out and get mindlessly trashed does not supersede all other commitments. My own DP was horrified by this; he couldn't understand how a free pass for a night out also meant a free pass the next day. I know he wouldn't stand for me lying in bed all day vomiting and vice versa if plans have been made.

You know your husband best and how to tackle this but you are not wrong to be furious and to let him know things are going to change one way or another.

Hi OP, glad you were able to get out in the end. You might find it helpful to post on the relationships board.

The goody fuckery angle requires so much generosity though...

Ah fuck it, it’s Saturday night and I’m feeling good! Alright then, no more engagement.

Sigh. *goady.

I hope you enjoyed your lunch out, op, and I hope your h is mortified by his behaviour tonight. Selfish dick.

I’m usually in the ‘one night won’t hurt’ brigade.

The exception to this is when they get so rat arsed that they can’t look after their own children when they have said that they would or ruin a family day out. Or they do it whenever they please.

It is selfish and indeed arrogant to think that the little woman will just sort it or pick up their slack. And a pregnant woman at that.

I hope you haven’t bothered with anything for Fathers Day OP.

He’s got to act like one before he gets treated like one.

For you OP.

I'm glad to hear you had a good day in the end op and I'm sorry that you are having to put up with a selfish manchild like your partner whilst pregnant. I'd think hard about the future of my relationship with this man if I'm honest you deserve so much better

Well I ended my marriage after a similar incident (although I'd spent years doing all the parenting for 2 DC while his life was practically unchanged and it was the final straw).
ExDH was supposed to driving DS and two friends at 9am, said he'd be back around midnight, arrived back completely off his face at 6am (as the DC got up, so they saw him) and passed out and couldn't be moved.
I am definitely not saying LTB; hopefully it wont happen again and he generally understands he needs to parent as a team, but don't put up with it as long as I did. Apart from anything else, it is very hard to maintain desire and respect for someone who continues to behave like that.