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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

husband got back at half 5 this morning

941 replies

bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 07:39

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

OP posts:
Aldilogue · 19/06/2021 13:27

Billy1966

Terminate the pregnancy??
Are you for real, you say something like that and put flowers at the end of your post.
He goes out and comes in late and she has to terminate the pregnancy?

What a terrible thing to write.

FinallyFluid · 19/06/2021 13:28

Hope you are enjoying your lunch.

PandorasMailbox · 19/06/2021 13:31

@SantaMonicaPier

DH used to do this once every couple of months. If find him asleep slumped over the kitchen table, sofa or, once memorably, the bathroom floor. Incredibly annoying, as you say he was pretty much out of the loop to spend time with the kids that day. I let it go because it was relatively infrequent.
I once found my ex-husband asleep on the toilet with his trousers around his ankles and his head in the sink. I put a blanket over him, turned the light out and shut the door.

I think your DH is being incredibly selfish, as he'd already promised to look after your little one. Very thoughtless of him.

Ohdofuckofdear · 19/06/2021 13:37

What a wanker! I spent years of going through this crap thank God I found the strength to eventually leave and I became a single Mum to 2 young DC but it was the best thing I ever did,I'd wasted years of living with my exhusbands coercive control and that's what your husband is doing to you.

Staying out till 5.30(and I'd be asking where he was if the pubs were shut several hours earlier)and coming home wankered when he knows your supposed to be going out for lunch is a planned decision not a mistake!

Is there anyone else that can look after your DC? If there is then ask them and go and enjoy your lunch(that suggestion is from my lovely DH,complete opposite to my abusive arse ex husband)that way it shows that your life and you doing anything nice for yourself doesn't depend on him and the way he's behaving,which will either give him a kick up the arse and make him change or will show you exactly who he is.

Good luck OP

MouseholeCat · 19/06/2021 13:37

I cannot believe posters are defending your husband here! The low standards society holds men to are just shocking at times.

His behavior is totally unacceptable and really disrespectful to you. I really hope you enjoy your lunch.

nobrainnostyle · 19/06/2021 13:40

a pregnant woman on AIBU eh!

You being pregnant is of zero consequence. Doesn't make you immune to some string words... and I'm on your side

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/06/2021 13:45

So you got mum over , dh was still snoring and you went out for lunch

Dh will wake up to mil wrath

Then you will be home

Obv it’s not right he has done this

Maggiesfarm · 19/06/2021 13:47

I don't see why your husband needed to be out until 5am when he has a young baby. There was surely time enough to do that sort of thing before parental responsibilities and there will be again, for both of you, but - not right now.

What was doing anyway? Only drinking I imagine. Nobody needs to drink so much for so long and most people outgrow heavy drinking bouts when they have responsibilities.

TheSoapyFrog · 19/06/2021 13:47

YANBU. He's a selfish twat. I'd be too disgusted to look at him for the rest of the day at least.
I understand that as restrictions are being lifted, everyone is organising stuff and meeting up with people you haven't seen in over a year. And I think it's fine to occasionally let your hair down and stay out all night. But the fact that it's interfered with your plans and he checks out of family life because he can't deal with hangovers isn't fair.
Hope you enjoyed your lunch OP.

cappuccinoandcats · 19/06/2021 13:47

I definitely wouldn't leave him with the kids in that state

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 19/06/2021 13:49

@Veterinari

I have very high standards. Dh is fantastic, we have a great marriage

So does he go out every weekend getting shitfaced and opting out of childcare duties leaving you to scrabble around for last-minute childcare or change your plans @Littlefluffyclouds13 ?

Because if not, you seem to be judging a pregnant mother in a difficult situation that you have no experience of whilst simultaneously crowing about your own fantastic relationship.
Why would you do that? Does sneering at people less fortunate than you make you feel good?

That comment about my marriage was in response to somebody implying I was a doormat with a crappy relationship.
notapizzaeater · 19/06/2021 13:54

Can you speak to him when you get home before you collect the 1 yr old ?

If he'd no had so much to drink I'd have made him collect from your mums but he's probably still over the limit.

LizB62A · 19/06/2021 14:00

Unfortunately you seem to have married a childish selfish arse and it probably isn't going to be any better.
I'm with you - I'd be absolutely livid in your position and would definitely be thinking of whether I wanted to stay married to him if this is how selfish he usually is....

SaintVal · 19/06/2021 14:03

I couldn't live like this. My exH ruined several plans by being drunk out of his skull the night before. It's sad and deeply disappointing and I am so glad to be out of it. I'm now on my own with my DS6 and life is good.

DeweyWilkerson · 19/06/2021 14:03

I really feel for you OP. I think it makes it worse that your mum picked up the slack (although completely understand why you arranged that, you couldn't have left the 1 year old with him). But now he's got away with it, a good night out, a day to himself to sleep it off, and he'll no doubt be saying "What's the big deal, you still got to go out" which of course is entirely beside the point. I really hope you hold onto that anger and let it roar later on with him.

SaintVal · 19/06/2021 14:04

Sorry posted too soon! I would definitely be thinking seriously about where you see your life heading with this man. Being on your own is a million times better to putting up with this shit. Take care and I hope you're enjoying your lunch.

rjacksmiss · 19/06/2021 14:08

I wouldn't be making any lunch plans the day after a Scotland/England game. Did you not expect him to be rubber, like really? Was it a punishment for him going out?

CandyLeBonBon · 19/06/2021 14:09

@rjacksmiss

I wouldn't be making any lunch plans the day after a Scotland/England game. Did you not expect him to be rubber, like really? Was it a punishment for him going out?
Oh yes of course. Football comes above everything.Hmm

Give your head a wobble
Confused

billy1966 · 19/06/2021 14:14

@SaintVal

I couldn't live like this. My exH ruined several plans by being drunk out of his skull the night before. It's sad and deeply disappointing and I am so glad to be out of it. I'm now on my own with my DS6 and life is good.
Good for you.

It's one of the things that women that have left abusive men often mention....how they could NEVER rely on their Ex for childcare.

Every single time they would organise ANYTHING for themselves, the men would not turn up, or be too late, or start a fight, or upset the children telling them that mum wants to go out without them.

All very determined efforts to spoil any chance of a tiny rare break for the women.

The OP takes NO time for herself while doing everything for her child while working FT.

He's just another selfish waster.

MN is full of them, and women whose relationship bar and standards, are on the floor.

Decent men do NOT behave like this.

Wasters do.

Anythingelseintheboxpandora · 19/06/2021 14:15

God threads like this make me so grateful for my husband. Who is far from perfect but he would never, ever pull this shit

BronwenFrideswide · 19/06/2021 14:18

@rjacksmiss

I wouldn't be making any lunch plans the day after a Scotland/England game. Did you not expect him to be rubber, like really? Was it a punishment for him going out?
Oh yes men and football MUST be prioritised above absolutely everything ever in the whole wide world, men can't possibly be expected to behave like functioning, responsible, considerate adults, act like a decent human being, husband and father when there is football and drink to be had, dearie me no they can't possibly do that and if you expect them to it's a punishment.

FGS scrape the barrel why don't you rjacksmiss, pathetic.

LuckyAmy1986 · 19/06/2021 14:19

I’d be really pissed off - don’t get why you wouldn’t be tbh!! …

youshouldbeplotting · 19/06/2021 14:25

No no @BronwenFrideswide, you don'y get it! Us women must all bow down to the great gods that are the male of the species men and their divine sport.

whynotwhatknot · 19/06/2021 14:26

YANBU op i dont know what some pp are on

If people hadnt noticed its not just a one off-op works and still does night time wakes while her other half gets to jolly it up with no responnsibilites every weekend

It being the euros or not being lockdown anymore isnt an excuse-he can go out sure but doesnt have to stay out till the next morning and get comepltely wrecked

Maray1967 · 19/06/2021 14:26

I hope you enjoyed your lunch OP and that your H woke up to find MIL there.
My DH likes beers and a footie game but he watched it last night at home with our 21 year old. Years ago he would have gone to the pub but would have been back around midnight. He would never have done this.
This is really vile actually. He knew you were having a rare bit of time out that should not have been any issue for him at all and he pulls a stunt like this. Appalling.

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