husband got back at half 5 this morning

[bubblegum02]

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

I recommend reading this thread. It is eye opening how women change when they are older and they begin to see things as they really are. It explains why so many women suddenly decide to divorce their husbands after 20-30 years of marriage.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/menopause/4256141-Did-menopause-make-you-go-off-men

OP,
I feel so very sorry for you.

He couldn't even step up once so you could have a little down time.

This is who he is.

You intend to keep your baby.
Start actively protecting yourself, because you really deserve better than this waster.

Reach out to family and friends for support.
Tell them the truth.

[quote Littlefluffyclouds13]**@CandyLeBonBon* and @AllieBallyBee*

As stated previously you (obviously) know nothing about me.

I've actually had a very difficult life at times sadly. Very difficult.
Dh is my second dh.
Please don't presume you know anything about me as a person, your assumption about me as a parent makes you look particularly silly/nasty.

It's laughable that you would think I would look down on anyone.
I was merely relating the attitude of op and others on here, to people in my life who's relationships are difficult or up and down.
[/quote]
Of course I know nothing about you. I'm reacting to your posts, which do, in my opinion, come across as smug and sanctimonious. I also was not commenting on your parenting, I was comparing your attitude to the kind of parent I was describing.

I'm sure you're a perfectly decent human being, but your posts come across (to me at least) as a bit sneery.

I can only respond to what I'm reading.

Assuming your mum took the child to her house, he then gets the day to himself.
Or is mum staying at your house while she looks after the child? I would like to be a fly on the wall when he gets up to find his MIL there.

Id have been tempted to get my dad to watch the kid at my house rather than my mum, as i think that would send more of a message when your partner finally surfaced

Fgs some of the replies here.

OP, I’m sorry you are having to put up with this crap. I hope things change for you

What a waste of space he’s been. Now he’s brought it to your attention, tonight you can take on just one last bit of extra work and set out a schedule to do 50-50 night wake ups, cleaning and cooking. Make sure it works best for you. When he asks why it’s necessary, say you haven’t decided whether he’s more valuable in the house or replaced with child support, and any future nights like that/responsibility flatlines will tip the balance permanently toward the latter - where all the skills he’s practicing will be needed when he’s completely on his own. Shouldn’t be a problem, after all, he’s left you to do everything lately.

Hope you have a glorious lunch. He can apologise to your mum for the interruption that was entirely due to his failure as a partner and father before he’s coming back into the house, giving you some more peace later

@bubblegum02 sadly you cannot control his awful behaviour but you can make a decision on whether you want to put up with this selfish arse longterm.. I can't understand how you couldn't wake him - a glass of cold water thrown over his face might have been needed but I wouldn't have let him away with staying in bed. Is your mum at your house or is dd at her house? If she's at her house go over and stay there after lunch till late evening and ignore any calls or texts from him. The selfish fucker doesn't deserve to know where you are. Have dinner at mums if possible, go home for dd's bedtime and then lay into him for upsetting your plans today. Tomorrow you should get up and head out - even for a long walk, browse around shops or to meet a friend and leave him with dd for the day. Try to do something relaxing for yourself. You need to make him realise he doesn't get to continue his pre child social life while he expects you to stay at home.

I really hope you woke him up and went out anyway.

If his behaviour continued and he was my DP he'd quickly find himself single, paying child maintained and with court ordered contact to allow me respite and time to be an adult and him time to be a parent.

Don't put up with bullshit.

I would be furious. YADNBU.

I hope you're out having a lovely lunch now and he's wallowing in his hangover. I'd remind him that you don't scupper his plans so it would be nice if he didn't scupper yours.

Selfish prick

@MrsMaizel

no I havent created anything, it's his behaviour and attitude. I am not responsible for him at all. every sentence in your post there blames me

Of course you have - you have let them away with this shit !

You sound just like my alcoholic ex-husband, full of reasons why I should have fixed everything.

Yanbu.

He knew you were going out but got drunk enough to have a hangover and he unable to look after your 1 year old, therefore sabotaging your lunch out. He’s behaved very selfishly. And worse that you know he’s going to mope about with a hangover.

Don’t pander to him, let him get the fuck on with it. To be honest I would be furious. You also need to start making time for yourself and stop being the default parent.

I would be furious!

Although I don't understand how you couldn't wake him up... surely if you physically can't wake him, there is something more wrong than a hangover?

I would have got him up and told him how angry I was at him for jeopardising my plans and having to ask my Mum to look after the baby.

A decent man would feel terrible, but a decent man would have got up in time for you to go out despite a hangover (and not done the same thing 4 weeks running!).

I have to say I would be furious if my DH had done this. He is showing total lack of respect and thought.

What is it with some men and thinking they have a divine right to watch football? Screw that. YANBU OP. He's acting like he's fucking single, not a married parent. If it were me, it'd be ultimatum time - one more episode like that and he's out.

Haven't RTFT but have read OP's posts.

Really disappointed by some of the comments here. It's like feminism never happened.

I'm fairly easy-going about this sort of thing. If my DP goes out on a bender, that's usually fine by me.

But.

He knew he was responsible for the baby today. Despite this, he decided to get paralytic and presumably not finish drinking til about 5am.

It's the total lack of respect for his partner that's so disgusting. He literally couldn't give a fuck about what she has planned. He's an arsehole.

Enjoy your lunch OP.

And those of you who would be happy being treated with such disdain - I give up.

YANBU this would really piss me off

I have very high standards.
Dh is fantastic, we have a great marriage

So does he go out every weekend getting shitfaced and opting out of childcare duties leaving you to scrabble around for last-minute childcare or change your plans @Littlefluffyclouds13 ?

Because if not, you seem to be judging a pregnant mother in a difficult situation that you have no experience of whilst simultaneously crowing about your own fantastic relationship.
Why would you do that? Does sneering at people less fortunate than you make you feel good?

@StrangeLookingParasite

she says it herself

I feel like I've been letting things go as well with all these nights out

She is right.

Fuck him OP.
He's and absolute prick for doing this. He knew you were going out and didn't give a fuck.
Take your wee one to your mums, go for lunch, go to a pub and stay out til 5.30am tomorrow morning.
See how the fucker likes that.
Enjoy your lunch OP

@bubblegum02

he will have been at one of the guys houses where they would of been doing cocaine until the early hours of the morning.

I dont think my partner does it himself but I know the rest of them certainly do.

Of course he does it 😂

Half 5 is some hour to see on alcohol alone.

@Lillypup

Fuck him OP. He's and absolute prick for doing this. He knew you were going out and didn't give a fuck. Take your wee one to your mums, go for lunch, go to a pub and stay out til 5.30am tomorrow morning. See how the fucker likes that. Enjoy your lunch OP

Yeah - part of me agrees with this.

But the other half says fuck this - why should he get a nice peaceful evening to himself? He'll probably just go and have another skinful.

Hope you are enjoying your lunch, OP, you are not unreasonable in the slightest, that crown goes to the inconsiderate selfish arsehole that is your husband. Hope you block his number/refuse his calls if he wakes up in a panic when you are out.

If he wants the single child-free life, tough that ship has sailed, time for him to wake up to that fact.

Offer him a divorce if he wants to be single, ask him if he would still want to see the children if you split and how he plans to accommodate doing so in his hectic single, responsibility free life. You'll be no worse off you are doing all the adulting and parenting now anyway.

@MrsMaizel

Flabbergasted at your comments!! This man is not a child and OP is not his mother. She has absolutely no responsibility for his actions, he needs to take responsibility for himself. It is not for OP to monitor his nights out and track them for him so that he doesn't get himself into too much bother.

Men are not children!!!!!! They are adults!!!! Why does society infantilise them and then blame women for the fall out?

I hope you are enjoying your lunch @bubblegum02.

I am very disappointed at some of the horrible replies you have had.

FWIW, anyone who thinks that this behaviour from the father of their children is OK must have very low standards. DH and I got this kind of behaviour out of our systems before we decided to have children.