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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

husband got back at half 5 this morning

941 replies

bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 07:39

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

OP posts:
DoNotEat · 19/06/2021 11:10

Hope you get out op. Will your mum need to do.some hoovering or does she like nursery rhymes really loud as she's hard of hearing?

Responses on here are mad. They're prob MRA trolls so wouldn't get too worked up. Anyone with half a braincell would see why you'd be upset.

SunglassesSeventy · 19/06/2021 11:11

DH is being a dick. When kids are small you need to share the load, and that means equally balanced opportunities for going out without kids.

He's been out every weekend for a while, leaving you with all the childcare - not fair at all.

And now he's ruining your chance to take a break - very much not fair at all.

My DH was similar, it took him a long time to grow up and accept his responsibilities as a husband and father. I think somewhere in there men think the babies are the woman's responsibility because they have wombs and grew them. Also some men are just selfish and think 'why should I give up my social life' not understanding that their actions mean their other halves have to give up theirs. I had no social life for years while my kids were small and DH gallavanted around. I regret putting up with that.

Newkitchen123 · 19/06/2021 11:11

I've only read OP posts
If he couldn't get up for work because he'd been out so late and drunk or whatever would that be OK? No it wouldn't
Today he had a responsability to look after his own child and it's not looking like it's going to happen.
It's not OK.

DoNotEat · 19/06/2021 11:13

@bubblegum02

I tried one last time before I left to wake him and absolutely nothing, not even an acknowledgement

honestly, it's just as well I heard him come in when he did because if I was still under the assumption he came in at about 11 after a couple I would be seriously concerned by now and worrying something was wrong with him.

I'd have taken a photo of him. To show him later what a waste of space he is.

Will he be bothered later when you say? Will he care your mother had to parent his child as he was too drunk?

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 19/06/2021 11:13

There are some seriously controlling partners on this thread and some of the responses would be viewed very differently if you were male and your partner was female.

I agree the responses would be different if a woman went out drinking got home 6 hours later than agreed and was too incapacitated to care for her children so that her partner had to get their mum in instead. The responses would be much much harsher.

No one is forced to get married and have kids but if that's the choice you make you can no longer just spontaneously go out on a bender and get so wasted you're incapable the next day.

wintertime6 · 19/06/2021 11:15

I'm feeling a bit anxious about him as surely you'd be able to wake him up even if he was intoxicated? Are you sure he's ok? Is he breathing?

DartmoorDoughnut · 19/06/2021 11:15

Have a good lunch OP Flowers

MadeForThis · 19/06/2021 11:17

The issue isn't just the drinking. He's selfish. He has had lots of time to relax with his mates. You made plans and he is too selfish to allow you the same respect.

It will be interesting to see what he says when he wakes up. He doesn't know you heard him come in at 5am.

Original poster
bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 11:18

yeah, he was snoring and rolled over a few times.

no I don't think he will think he has done anything particularly wrong because it was the Scotland game.

OP posts:
Dagnabit · 19/06/2021 11:20

OP, he’s an inconsiderate arse. He could have enjoyed a night out without getting completely drunk and staying out so late. By comparison, my DH went to his mates last night, took 2 low alcohol beers so he could drive then was up at half 7 so he could take the dc to their water camp. I could have taken them but he offered and didn’t let them or me down because his need for enjoyment doesn’t trump the rest of the ours. I hope you get to enjoy your lunch out.

Polkadots2021 · 19/06/2021 11:20

This totally sucks. It's like you get no fun, break, relax time at all, like you're a parent now and it's all duty yet he gets to go out and do what the hell he wants. Totally out of order.

EvilPea · 19/06/2021 11:21

I’d be pissed off as well
I get weve all been locked up for so long and suddenly there’s vague freedom. But he’s taking the piss. Full honest discussion that this, every weekend is not on, occasionally when there’s nothing on the next day, knock yourself out.
Nip it in the bud before it becomes his weekend routine and completely disengaged from family life.

gamerchick · 19/06/2021 11:23

@bubblegum02

I tried one last time before I left to wake him and absolutely nothing, not even an acknowledgement

honestly, it's just as well I heard him come in when he did because if I was still under the assumption he came in at about 11 after a couple I would be seriously concerned by now and worrying something was wrong with him.

He obviously feels his play time is more important. Common in coke heads.

You need to come to terms with your needs being beneath him and make other arrangements for childcare from the off, or free yourself from this person.

He sounds like a dick.

Dragongirl10 · 19/06/2021 11:23

What a manchild, also amazed at some of the responses here.

I recommend a bucket of cold water and a foghorn.

EL8888 · 19/06/2021 11:23

@SaltAndVinegarSandwiches exactly. The judgements and comments would be different if a woman had done this. Instead there is a vibe here, of boys will be boys and it’s good for him to have some downtime. It sounds like weekend after weekend he just does what he wants

ConstanceGracy · 19/06/2021 11:23

Littlefluffyclouds13 I think you need to get some higher standards at your age then if you think we’re “pearl clutchers” for not wanting to be treated like shit.
Move with the times dear..

lightlypoached · 19/06/2021 11:24

Hey OP I'm appalled at some of the posts on here.

I'd go in there , open the curtains pull the bedclothes off and force him to sit up. Blast him with noise if necessary. Tell him you are going out. Hand him the baby and leave.

Selfish fucker.

TwoTimingPotatoSalad · 19/06/2021 11:24

Goodness me some poster's bars are extremely low.

Of course he's being a selfish shit.

He's been out every weekend for a month and knew he needed to be in charge of a 1 year old so his wife could have one day out. That isn't much to ask.

By all means go out but to rock in at 5:30 it's fairly obvious you're not going to be in any fit state to look after a baby all afternoon and I, like OP would just spend my lunch date worrying too.

Also, she may not have needed to go until 11 but if I was going out I'd perhaps like opportunity to have a shower beforehand or get ready myself. I wouldn't be waiting until 5 to 11 and bringing my husband a coffee in bed to soothe his poor hangover and then rushing about to get ready myself.

He should have been up early enough to let his wife get ready for her lunch and be fit and able to care for their daughter like he agreed.

Total dick move.

EL8888 · 19/06/2021 11:25

But yeah l wouldn’t be tolerating this shit. He would be getting the fix up or fuck off chat. Sunday l would literally do nothing, unless l wanted to. Big lie in, nice breakfast (cooked by him or delivered), shopping, reading the papers etc

TwoTimingPotatoSalad · 19/06/2021 11:26

And by fit and able I don't mean sat comatose on the couch barely able to function.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/06/2021 11:26

I'd be seriously pissed off at this.

What will his reaction be later when you're home and he realises you had to get your mum involved as he's a waste of space ... I'd be so embarrassed if I was him.

And I love a drink and a night out, but you pick the right time. You discuss it with your partner, don't just drop them in it.

diddl · 19/06/2021 11:29

@bubblegum02

yeah, he was snoring and rolled over a few times.

no I don't think he will think he has done anything particularly wrong because it was the Scotland game.

Because it was the Scotland game??!!

I don't get that mentality at all-not when it's to the point that it makes you disregard the plans of someone you are supposed to love & respect!

It's just an excuse to duck out of responsibilities isn't it?

AColdDuncanGoodhew · 19/06/2021 11:31

Enjoy lunch OP!

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 19/06/2021 11:31

@ConstanceGracy

Littlefluffyclouds13 I think you need to get some higher standards at your age then if you think we’re “pearl clutchers” for not wanting to be treated like shit. Move with the times dear..
I have very high standards. Dh is fantastic, we have a great marriage.

Funnily enough, colleagues, friends etc who would hit the roof in this situation seem to have dreadful relationships.
Lots of conflict, always moaning and depressingly neither parties seem happy at all in the relationship.

And please don't call me love/dear, mostly because it makes you sound utterly ridiculous.

VexedofVirginiaWater · 19/06/2021 11:31

You have created this monster and it's harder to crack down now
Of course you have - you have let them away with this shit

WTAF!!
Like it's her responsibility to crack down on him?

Let them get away with it? What should she do then? Leave her toddler with someone incapable of looking after her? That'd certainly teach someone something - but if anything happened to the child, she'd end up getting the blame for that too.

This is a grown man - her husband - not a project she's taken on, not another child.

Sick of women being blamed for what men do.

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