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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

husband got back at half 5 this morning

941 replies

bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 07:39

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

OP posts:
SingingInTheShithouse · 19/06/2021 10:53

Blush wrong thread

MeribleMelon · 19/06/2021 10:53

It’s not just a one off though is it? It sounds like he’s spending days at a time away from a young family, abs Op isn’t getting the same time off in return.
Wake him up and see what state he’s in.
If he’s ok he should have the kids, he needs to learn!
If you bail him out every time he’ll just keep doing it

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 19/06/2021 10:54

@bubblegum02 I’ve just rtwt and I’m shocked at some of the responses here!
YADNBU - your DP behaved like a selfish twat and I’d be as furious as you. But there’s time later this weekend for ‘the talk’ with him.

Very pleased to read your mum is taking over babysitting today, please try and forget about this morning and have a wonderful afternoon with your friend. x

Jigglywobbly · 19/06/2021 10:55

Time to read him the riot act op. I would have thrown a cup of cold water over him 😂
Seriously though, it needs to stop. There needs to be equal time going out and he can’t roll in at 5am when looking after a toddler the next day. How anyone can argue that he’s fine and you’re being unreasonable 🤦‍♀️

Librariesmakeshhhhappen · 19/06/2021 10:55

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

But that's the point. For her, it has become one sided. Yet again, she is expected to do all the grunt work as well as keeping the child quiet for hill to have another weekend of being a drunk. Even though they discussed it beforehand, agreed he would be out for a couple of hours and not get drunk because he is meant to be in sole charge of the child and they both know that he cannot handle hangovers. But he has totally thrown her under the bus and just done what he wanted.... again.

And you're telling her to be kind? That old chestnut which is dragged out and told to women whenever a man does something shitty. We're meant to "be kind".

No.

It works in your household because it's fair, you both do that for each other, you both get your turns out etc. But that isnt what the OP has. It's all one sided, but it's worse this time because she was meant to get a chance to go out.. and look what he has done. She knows him, we don't, and she is saying that from their experience, he cannot handle a hangover and will be no use to them today if the child isnt going to be neglected. And you're telling her to be kind?

The misogyny is strong here.

Macncheeseballs · 19/06/2021 10:56

Going out till 5.30am with a 1 year old at Home is a bit shit

Naunet · 19/06/2021 10:56

@MrsMaizel

no I havent created anything, it's his behaviour and attitude. I am not responsible for him at all. every sentence in your post there blames me

Of course you have - you have let them away with this shit !

Women are not responsible for the actions of men. It’s very simple, or did you think men were children that need women to teach them right from wrong whilst they run the world? 🤨
AColdDuncanGoodhew · 19/06/2021 10:57

My husband has done this a few times over the last few years. If I don’t have plans then my day is as normal, the kids make noise, I get on with cleaning or whatever and he just deals with it.

If I do have plans, like lunch, I still go. He sleeps in and when i’m ready to go he gets up. If he feels like shit then tough! I’ve been that person too, looking after the kids with a hangover with he goes out, it’s shite but tough.

You’ve got plenty time until lunch so still go.

He came in at 5:30 but that doesn’t mean he was drinking until 5:29. He might have stopped at 1am and crashed on his mates couch, he might have been drinking until the second he got back home but it doesn’t matter because it doesn’t get him out of looking after his child today.

Enjoy your lunch date!

diddl · 19/06/2021 10:57

@DGFB

Just get him up at 10, and go on your way at 11. Not sure I could get so worked up about this. Of course you can leave a 1yo with their slightly hungover dad. We’ve all done it no?
Sarcasm, no?
HalzTangz · 19/06/2021 10:58

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

You’ve been “accommodating” and “allowed” him nights out because of the reasons.., you do know he doesn’t need a reason to go out? He’s a grown man! It doesn’t have to be someone’s birthday and he doesn’t need your permission.

It can’t be that awful or you wouldn’t be pregnant to him again. I get you’re pissed off about last night but it’s the euros and we’ve had a shit 14/15 months with lockdowns etc

So the op Also hasnt had a shit 14/15 months with lockdowns, and doesnt deserve hew day out, but he can go out whenever he likes just because football is on
CandyLeBonBon · 19/06/2021 10:59

@MrsMaizel

no I havent created anything, it's his behaviour and attitude. I am not responsible for him at all. every sentence in your post there blames me

Of course you have - you have let them away with this shit !

Stop. Blaming. Poor. Male. Behaviour. On. Women.

Op doesn't behave that way does she? No. Why? Because she's a grown up who realises that she's responsible for her own behaviour. She doesn't behave the way she does because 'someone hasn't let her get away with poor behaviour' she behaves that way because she is a responsible human being who understands that her child's needs are a priority.

Her dh is also a grown man, who chooses to behave the way he does because he's a dick. IT IS NOT OP's JOB TO MANAGE HER HUSBAND's BEHAVIOUR AS IF HE WERE A CHILD OR A DOG.

Op is not her husband's mother and he is not a child.

Utter misogynistic bollocks.

Jigglywobbly · 19/06/2021 10:59

Some right doormat ladies on here !

BillyShears · 19/06/2021 11:00

Wake him up and go for your lunch: looking after a toddler with a hangover will be a great lesson for him. He will never do it again after a nice afternoon of having the kid bounce on his head while he feels like death.

CandyLeBonBon · 19/06/2021 11:00

[quote SingingInTheShithouse]@MrsMaizel

Do stop being a victim blaming dick Hmm[/quote]
No. You were right!

nobrainnostyle · 19/06/2021 11:00

There are plenty of people who have to look after children with a hangover or dare I say, when they’ve had a lot to drink.

Doesn't make it right. And it'll ruin her lunch through worrying

CandyLeBonBon · 19/06/2021 11:01

@BillyShears

Wake him up and go for your lunch: looking after a toddler with a hangover will be a great lesson for him. He will never do it again after a nice afternoon of having the kid bounce on his head while he feels like death.
She's tried
Ariela · 19/06/2021 11:02

My friend had similar. She went out as planned but left no note, the back door very slightly ajar with a chair nearby looking like toddler had perhaps stood on chair to open door, and the garden gate shut, but favourite toy trike abandoned right by the gate.

Got panic phone call an hour and a half into her girls lunch wondering where toddler was.
Toddler was with grandma, perfectly safe.
He didn't do it again.

DancesWithTortoises · 19/06/2021 11:02

Don't let the shit stirrers upset you, OP.

Some people only post for effect, it's obvious who. They want a reaction, there's a word for that kind of person.

CandyLeBonBon · 19/06/2021 11:02

@Ariela

My friend had similar. She went out as planned but left no note, the back door very slightly ajar with a chair nearby looking like toddler had perhaps stood on chair to open door, and the garden gate shut, but favourite toy trike abandoned right by the gate. Got panic phone call an hour and a half into her girls lunch wondering where toddler was. Toddler was with grandma, perfectly safe. He didn't do it again.
So putting a child in danger is the solution here is it?
CandyLeBonBon · 19/06/2021 11:03

Ah sorry @Ariela - I think I misunderstood- do you mean she set it up to look

CandyLeBonBon · 19/06/2021 11:03

That way?!

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 19/06/2021 11:03

@Ariela

My friend had similar. She went out as planned but left no note, the back door very slightly ajar with a chair nearby looking like toddler had perhaps stood on chair to open door, and the garden gate shut, but favourite toy trike abandoned right by the gate. Got panic phone call an hour and a half into her girls lunch wondering where toddler was. Toddler was with grandma, perfectly safe. He didn't do it again.
Wow that is horrendous, unbelievably nasty. You honestly think that's ok?
Original poster
bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 11:04

I tried one last time before I left to wake him and absolutely nothing, not even an acknowledgement

honestly, it's just as well I heard him come in when he did because if I was still under the assumption he came in at about 11 after a couple I would be seriously concerned by now and worrying something was wrong with him.

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 19/06/2021 11:05

@bubblegum02

I tried one last time before I left to wake him and absolutely nothing, not even an acknowledgement

honestly, it's just as well I heard him come in when he did because if I was still under the assumption he came in at about 11 after a couple I would be seriously concerned by now and worrying something was wrong with him.

Enjoy lunch op. He's a cunt, frankly.
GCAcademic · 19/06/2021 11:07

There are some seriously controlling partners on this thread and some of the responses would be viewed very differently if you were male and your partner was female.

Who is controlling in this situation, exactly? The woman whose husband gets to go out boozing every weekend, or the man whose boozing leaves his wife with no social life and forces her to cancel a rare lunch outing?

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